I would like to know why you would even bother going to visit your Mother in the

  1. profile image47
    edlindaspyposted 7 years ago

    I would like to know why you would even bother going to visit your Mother in the hospital?

    If you think she is going to take it as a reunion why bother? Obviously your feelings have not changed and are you going to express that to her?  I am an elderly woman who has been around the corner with tradgedy in my life and raising two sons who I love dearly.  If there is no reconciliation then it would be my advice to stay away.

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    charowdyposted 7 years ago

    Dear elindaspy,

    This is an extremely complicated relationship.  Believe me, I wrestled and wrestled with the decision to go see her for a while.  I knew for a few months that the operation was going to occur.  I thought at the time that visiting my sick mother in the hospital was the right thing to do.  I also went to support my sister who went with me to see her.  My sister and I have a very close relationship.  It was a long drive from her home and I didn't want her to go all alone.  I did not know at the time (this was back in July of last year) that there would be no reconciliation.  My mother is not, nor has she ever been what fits the decsription of a loving mother.  Her needs and wants have always come before those of her children or anyone else for that matter.  She has systematically destroyed every relationship with each and every one of her family members.  She has no friends.  She is not a well balanced person mentally, and has been encouraged by her doctors (while in dialysis) to seek psychiatric care.  Even when she was very young, she exibited signs of mental illness, which to this day, remain untreated.  Her father, my grandfather, was mentally ill and was treated for this at various times in his life.  She no longer speaks to my brother and she has left him messages stating that he is "dead" to her.  Who says that to their child?  Her reason for this was that he did not repay her the money he borrowed from her.  Frankly, the woman scares me to death.  She is extremely toxic.  After her operation, she was supposed to get counseling.  This never did happen.  So, to answer your question as to why I went to see her in the hospital...I felt in my heart that it was the right thing to do.  Maybe I had some hope that she would change and become a softer, gentler person with a new appreciation for life.  Sadly, this was not the case.  My sister still has a limited relationship with her and I know that she is doing well physically.  I do wish her the best, but I am unable to continue a relationship with her.  For many years I felt guilty and sorry for her.  That is what our relationship was built on.  I just got to the point where I physically could not continue this relationship for my own health and well-being.  I don't expect you or anyone else to understand.  It is just what I had to do.