What can you do when your fiance' is not a planner and you are very structured?

1. 70

   brakel2posted 13 years ago

   What can you do when your fiance' is not a planner and you are very structured?
   
   The planner never knows what they are doing until the last minute. This situation causes stress

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2. 0

   Giselle Maineposted 13 years ago

   Maybe both people could learn the good points about the other person's situation... I would love to find out how NOT to be a planner (yes, really!). 
   
   So maybe each person finding out the good points about the other person's approach (and how to make each approach work well in practice) might help.  Maybe each person trying the other one's way for a week might help! (well, maybe test this on different weeks actually, so you are both planners one week and both unstructured another week, and see how it works out for you as a couple). Ask each other what you liked and didn't like.... see you can see I'm a planner if I'm suggesting you PLAN to be UNSTRUCTURED, lol. Still, the approach may work.

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3. 71

   dashingscorpioposted 13 years ago

   You have to decide if you can love and accept them for who they are. If the answer is "no" then you have selected the wrong life partner for yourself.
   
   It's been said, "Women marry men hoping they will change overtime and Men marry women hoping they will never change."
   Maybe both are being "unrealistic" however in my opinion you are better off in the "long run" marrying someone who is more like you than not like you. People change when THEY want to change. The only person we can really control is ourselves.

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4. 59

   Weldon Jewellersposted 13 years ago

   i think dashingscorpio has hit the nail firmly on the head!!!

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5. 70

   brakel2posted 13 years ago

   Thanks for the input. The ideas are excellent. Maybe opposites attract. Someone said if you look at couples, one is usually a planner - a doer - and one is not. Then others say that you need to be alike. Great answers!!!

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   womenintouchposted 13 years ago

   If you are structured you are an on time person, do not like to be late, like a clean house and like order. he sounds like a person who is the opposite of you. If un-resolved this could lead to issues in your relationship.
   
   However if he does not wish to be a part of planning you may be asking too much. Don't show him ten types of flowers, narrow it down to two and they will choose. Men do not like to have to have lots of choices, and the moment he does not pick the one you really like you get mad.
   Give him simple choices and let hem decide and you stick to it. He will not want to decide every thing so you do that, he will not care. Let him pick the tux, the food, two at a time, not in the same day. And Lets play a game, like if you were deciding the menu for the wedding, ask the question when cooking , say would you like Chicken, or Beef tonight, ( and really be cooking ) what ever he decides will be your choice for the wedding. He was involved but he did not have to interupt his mental to make a decision.  In other words some men think this is girly stuff you should do with your girls and your mom, he could care less, but it means something to you so you have to get your answers by going in the back door. I hope this helps

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