If you are a planner, can you have a serious relationship or a marriage with a n

1. 68

   brakel2posted 12 years ago

   If you are a planner, can you have a serious relationship or a marriage with a non-planner?
   
   One person wants to play it be ear and you like to plan everything ahead of time. Any ideas?

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2. 0

   msorenssonposted 12 years ago

   Why not? The planner has to relax and the no planner has to at least consider the sentiments of the other...
   
   You can rephrase it many ways..If you are rich, will marry someone poor?
   If you are educated will you marry someone not educated?
   And so on and so on ....
   
   There is only one answer. You simply have to love each other enough...but those are my sentiments alone...

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3. 61

   Brittanie2216posted 12 years ago

   Yes, I believe you can.  My fiance is a more of a go with the flow type of guy and I plan out everything.  I think this teaches me to relax and that not everything goes according to the plans you set up.  I also think he is learning a lot about time management and prioritizing.  Having differences and being from opposite sides of the spectrum can be a really great learning experience.  I can't think of anyone better to learn and grow other than the one I want to spend my life with.

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4. 92

   Daughter Of Maatposted 12 years ago

   My husband doesn't plan a thing, but I'm the one with a Home Management Binder (which I even wrote a hub on!). We actually work well together. He keeps things somewhat spontaneous and fun and I keep everything in order.
   
   I take care of the really important stuff, like bills, household organization and chore charts, and he reminds me I need to relax every now and then. If I've planned something out, and something goes wrong (like the car breaks down) he's there to lighten the mood and keep me from getting stressed out by reminding me you can't plan your entire life down to the minute. He actually enjoys my organization, and I enjoy his go-with-the-flow attitude.
   
   It's true, opposites attract and with good reason. We make a good team because we know each other's weaknesses and because we're so different, we can easily work around those weaknesses.

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5. 60

   duffsmomposted 12 years ago

   I think it would be an ideal match - one can plan while the other just stays laid back.  Two planners might cause some head butting.

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6. 61

   MsLoftonposted 12 years ago

   Yes I believe so. Sometimes differences make a relationship better. I think where one person lacks, the other person helps out. It just really depends on the personality of the two people.

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7. 84

   Beata Stasakposted 12 years ago

   They say 'opposites attract each other' and in some way it is true, I know many families where 'a spontaneous partner' is attracted to 'an organized one' and it actually can work. The problem is not with the difference of their working style,
   but with their respect for each other...if you learn to respect your partner the way he or she is and appreciate his or her contribution to your life, everything is possible:)

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   padmendraposted 12 years ago

   Relationships are not made with proper planning and the same criteria is for marriage also. With planning things in advance you may get a good looking partner or a well off family or you may spend lavishly on marriage, but having a serious relationship or marriage with proper planning in advance is not an automatic process. Relationships are based on mutual understanding, trust, commitment and utmost care, In human life our proposals and planning do not run as per our wish and the almighty God, the creature of all human beings, disposes it of in His own way because even if we want to schedule everything in advance that is not going to materialize the way we want.

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9. 0

   Wendi Mposted 12 years ago

   I am very much a planner.  I plan out almost every detail of my life...all the way down to every outfit that I will be wearing for an entire work week. 
   
   I just happened to be married to one of the biggest procrastinators that I have ever met.  There is nothing in his life that can be decided until the very last minute.
   
   Although, it can cause some minor arguments at times...especially when we're dealing with more serious matters than "What should we have for dinner?"
   
   Every good marriage is made up of a whole lot of compromise, this happens to be the area where we compromise the most, and it works for us.  In fact, our differences in approach actually help us complement each other.  He helps me stay grounded in the areas that really don't need to be worried about, and I help him stay focused in the areas that are a little more urgent, and need to be addressed sooner than later.
   
   So, in answer to your question, yes you can have a wonderful relationship with someone who doesn't have your same views, compulsions, obsessions, or opinions.  Life would be boring if everyone was identical!

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    Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

    I think if the two people involved have what it really takes to make a solid and permanent foundation for a marriage (and that's the RIGHT kind of love), they can work with (or work around) such differences.  That kind of thing would be a bigger problem between a couple of people who had to function on the same team (such as at work or on a project), or between a supervisor and a subordinate. 
    
    (We don't ask if a parent and child can have a relationship if one is planner and the other isn't;  and we don't ask if siblings can still love each other if one is a planner and the other isn't.  We most often don't even ask if people can be best friends if one is a planner and the other is not.  The way I see it, if we have to ask if a marriage can survive when one person is a planner and the other isn't, that's kind of overlooking love when we don't overlook love in any of those other relationships.)

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11. 0

    Team Leaderposted 12 years ago

    Hello brakel,
    
    Yes, you can. If you love this person then this is just one aspect of who you both are and if you love each other enough you ca both adjust and learn to be more relaxed and open to new things. In my opinion life is too short to get stuck in your own ways.
    
    Your 'Team Leader'

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12. 61

    AtHomeHeatherposted 12 years ago

    You can! It can be frustrating at times though. My husband is well a lovely man but is very disorganized and does not fall into routines. My LIFE is about routines and order! I do not like suprises much at all and like to have everything neat and organized (which means chasing after him and picking up his socks, pants, and well you get the idea!) His relaxed attitude does our marriage well keeping me more calm and less up tight. He brings the fun and I bring the order. It really works well for us.

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    Cobrafanposted 12 years ago

    I think it can work fine. I like to have things planned. Know what I'm doing for each day when I get up and not have many surprises thrown my way that will throw off my schedule. My girlfriend is the opposite. I may be expecting to have a nice meal at home and when she gets off work she may want to have me come with her to a bar to hang out with friends. As long as the sudden changes to my plans aren't huge, I make due just fine.

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    rosa michelleposted 12 years ago

    I am a planner, and my husband is non. Things go great, when I plan and he is ready to slip in and be a part of it. But when I make an extensive plan and work my way to it, wait long enough for it, and he turns up to ruin it ARGHH!!! It blows my mood off!

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