What advice would you tell someone who pushes everyone away?

Jump to Last Post 1-11 of 11 discussions (16 posts)
  1. peeples profile image94
    peeplesposted 11 years ago

    What advice would you tell someone who pushes everyone away?

  2. Sparklea profile image59
    Sparkleaposted 11 years ago

    Peeples, I have had experience with this type of person.

    Before, I would call, maybe write a note, tell the person, "I'm here if you need me"...and I would never hear anything.

    I found it to be very frustrating.

    Today I'm not the same person I was back then.  As life keeps passing by, I have found I just don't have it in me anymore to keep approaching people like that.  I have also found they do not change.

    So, now, I just leave them alone.  I no longer ask how he/she is, because they burr up and cut you off, or, like you wrote, 'push' me away.

    It's just not worth it.  Life is too short, and I now desire to live, not approach those who have no desire to be helped.   I just leave them to themselves, and, because I'm a Christian, I just ask God to handle them. 

    Thanks for the question.  Blessings, Sparklea

    1. manatita44 profile image73
      manatita44posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes. Ask God to help. This is always a healthy response. They are His children, not ours.

  3. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 11 years ago

    Hi peeples, I cannot tell you how because I am guilty of this myself. I think it comes from past experiences with people and being hurt. We are so afraid to let anyone in, because this is the only control we have from getting hurt again. As I have been told, and I know this, we are only cheating ourselves. Of course coming from those who have not experienced what others have experienced or walked in our shoes.

    1. tammybarnette profile image61
      tammybarnetteposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I am this type of person as well, it's hard work to let others in when past experiences equate closeness with pain

    2. manatita44 profile image73
      manatita44posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      You need not let others in, tammy. Simply be your true self. Others will come to you.

  4. profile image0
    lisasuniquevoiceposted 11 years ago

    First I would ask them what they were afraid of. Then, I would ask them what they were losing by keeping everyone, including those who are supposed to be close, at bay?

    1. manatita44 profile image73
      manatita44posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      But then they may not be doing this. Offer love, then listen as your love attracts them.

  5. dashingscorpio profile image81
    dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

    I guess it would depend whether or not they are happy with the way they live their life. If they aren't complaining then I would not attempt to get them to change the way they have chosen to live.
    If on the other hand they were unhappy or actually asked me for input then I'd point out some instances where their attitude or behavior pushed others away. I would then suggest they try to approach people and situations with a different attitude. I possibly would recommend a couple of books for them to read and so on. As I stated from the onset, it all depends whether or not (they) are unhappy.

  6. Cordelia Bay profile image61
    Cordelia Bayposted 11 years ago

    I would first say: that it is not always a voluntary thing. Sometimes one is just standing in wait to see the reaction.....intent and desire of another to remain after many experiences that have brought betrayal and frustration to one's life. Secondly, sometimes one enjoys the peace that is in one's life when the overwhelming need for drama exist in the life of another. Thirdly, at times it is important to keep focus on things that are trying to be accomplished and not be side tracked by distractions.....however; it is always important to remember that some distractions are profitable and beneficial for growth. I am one who suffers with PTSD, and there are triggers that send up walls......it is a self protect mode that cause some very disfunctional side-effects. But, if I have made one aware of the condition that I have.....and there is no compassion or understanding.....then simply, I don't know how to invite or encourage one to remain and work through the issues. There is usually always an underlying issue.....one, does not always intent to push another away.....understanding and compassion with a desire to understand and help.....even when situations and circumstances to do so becomes difficult takes real strength....love and concern.

  7. Express10 profile image84
    Express10posted 11 years ago

    If they asked me I would tell them to take a genuine interest in those around them. Quite often it seems people push others away because they want some benefit out of them or want them to say or do something that only benefits them. With this in mind maybe the person can approach and interact with others on a level that they can appreciate and enjoy.

  8. manatita44 profile image73
    manatita44posted 11 years ago

    I would increase my love. Show empathy and understanding. Pray for the person and also ask God to transform your nature in the process and to grant you a stronger heart to cope with all life's adversities..

  9. LongTimeMother profile image91
    LongTimeMotherposted 11 years ago

    I would ask, "What's the worst that can happen if you let someone like me in your life?" After listening to their answer (which I expect would be rather predicable and probably rather short) I'd say, "And meanwhile, we could have some fun. Wouldn't you rather have some good times to look back on than a life with no fun at all?"

  10. MissJamieD profile image56
    MissJamieDposted 11 years ago

    You have to face your problems head on. They need to learn to let people in, not everyone is going to hurt them. I realize this is a tall hurdle sometimes but they have to deal with the problem that gave them this attitude in the first place. Go to counseling, figure it out.

  11. Lady Guinevere profile image68
    Lady Guinevereposted 11 years ago

    They probably have Intimacy Anorexia.  Yes it is a  mental health problem and it is real because I am married to one of them.  You can call for help:  Heart to Heart Counseling at : 719-278-3708.  It is an addiction and the spouse or significant other should also go to counseling because the effects of the Intimacy Anorexic also plays on them.  They will learn about coping skills so that they can manage their pain  and much more.  These counselors have anything from personal one on one to phone groups.

    1. Lady Guinevere profile image68
      Lady Guinevereposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Here is the definition of what an Intimacy Anoriexic is:  http://wizzley.com/intimacy-anorexia-is … ges-apart/


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)