Peeples, I have had experience with this type of person.
Before, I would call, maybe write a note, tell the person, "I'm here if you need me"...and I would never hear anything.
I found it to be very frustrating.
Today I'm not the same person I was back then. As life keeps passing by, I have found I just don't have it in me anymore to keep approaching people like that. I have also found they do not change.
So, now, I just leave them alone. I no longer ask how he/she is, because they burr up and cut you off, or, like you wrote, 'push' me away.
It's just not worth it. Life is too short, and I now desire to live, not approach those who have no desire to be helped. I just leave them to themselves, and, because I'm a Christian, I just ask God to handle them.
Thanks for the question. Blessings, Sparklea
Hi peeples, I cannot tell you how because I am guilty of this myself. I think it comes from past experiences with people and being hurt. We are so afraid to let anyone in, because this is the only control we have from getting hurt again. As I have been told, and I know this, we are only cheating ourselves. Of course coming from those who have not experienced what others have experienced or walked in our shoes.
I am this type of person as well, it's hard work to let others in when past experiences equate closeness with pain
You need not let others in, tammy. Simply be your true self. Others will come to you.
First I would ask them what they were afraid of. Then, I would ask them what they were losing by keeping everyone, including those who are supposed to be close, at bay?
I guess it would depend whether or not they are happy with the way they live their life. If they aren't complaining then I would not attempt to get them to change the way they have chosen to live.
If on the other hand they were unhappy or actually asked me for input then I'd point out some instances where their attitude or behavior pushed others away. I would then suggest they try to approach people and situations with a different attitude. I possibly would recommend a couple of books for them to read and so on. As I stated from the onset, it all depends whether or not (they) are unhappy.
I would first say: that it is not always a voluntary thing. Sometimes one is just standing in wait to see the reaction.....intent and desire of another to remain after many experiences that have brought betrayal and frustration to one's life. Secondly, sometimes one enjoys the peace that is in one's life when the overwhelming need for drama exist in the life of another. Thirdly, at times it is important to keep focus on things that are trying to be accomplished and not be side tracked by distractions.....however; it is always important to remember that some distractions are profitable and beneficial for growth. I am one who suffers with PTSD, and there are triggers that send up walls......it is a self protect mode that cause some very disfunctional side-effects. But, if I have made one aware of the condition that I have.....and there is no compassion or understanding.....then simply, I don't know how to invite or encourage one to remain and work through the issues. There is usually always an underlying issue.....one, does not always intent to push another away.....understanding and compassion with a desire to understand and help.....even when situations and circumstances to do so becomes difficult takes real strength....love and concern.
If they asked me I would tell them to take a genuine interest in those around them. Quite often it seems people push others away because they want some benefit out of them or want them to say or do something that only benefits them. With this in mind maybe the person can approach and interact with others on a level that they can appreciate and enjoy.
I would increase my love. Show empathy and understanding. Pray for the person and also ask God to transform your nature in the process and to grant you a stronger heart to cope with all life's adversities..
I would ask, "What's the worst that can happen if you let someone like me in your life?" After listening to their answer (which I expect would be rather predicable and probably rather short) I'd say, "And meanwhile, we could have some fun. Wouldn't you rather have some good times to look back on than a life with no fun at all?"
You have to face your problems head on. They need to learn to let people in, not everyone is going to hurt them. I realize this is a tall hurdle sometimes but they have to deal with the problem that gave them this attitude in the first place. Go to counseling, figure it out.
They probably have Intimacy Anorexia. Yes it is a mental health problem and it is real because I am married to one of them. You can call for help: Heart to Heart Counseling at : 719-278-3708. It is an addiction and the spouse or significant other should also go to counseling because the effects of the Intimacy Anorexic also plays on them. They will learn about coping skills so that they can manage their pain and much more. These counselors have anything from personal one on one to phone groups.
Here is the definition of what an Intimacy Anoriexic is: http://wizzley.com/intimacy-anorexia-is … ges-apart/
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