I've just found out that I am the 'other woman', please can you help me with som

1. 52

   atacrossroadsposted 13 years ago

   I've just found out that I am the 'other woman', please can you help me with some advice?
   
   I've been dating a man for four years who I fell in love with and we were looking at building a future together - including moving in together this year.
   
   But I found out a few weeks ago by presenting myself at his 'old' address that he has been living with his 'ex' for two of the years and she is 8 months pregnant.
   
   He did nothing but lie to us both for 4 years, he said he still owned the house with his ex but he had to move carefully with selling it because she had MS and that's why I couldn't meet his family etc.
   
   The problem is before I found this out, I fell pregnant too....I'm devasted

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2. 60

   sakimakellyposted 13 years ago

   I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  This situation is truly horrible, and I can't even imagine how upset and hurt you are.  Someone has betrayed your trust, something many of us do not give easily.  You have to think about what is best for you.  Coming to this decision may take some time, as it should, but you must weigh all the options:
   
   1. Is he seeking your forgiveness?  If so, will you forgive and stay in a relationship with him?  This is one of the two hardest questions right now for you to answer.  You feel betrayed but you love him.  Remember: you deserve the best and you will love again, someone who is truly worth it.  While the dating process is overwhelming, being alone does not mean lonely, and it is better to be alone than with someone who has hurt you.   
   
   2. Will you have an abortion or keep the baby?  Second hardest question to answer.  Your religious beliefs will come into play here, but also think about this: having his child will mean he will be in your life forever but having a child is a beautiful (though exhausting) thing.  This one I cannot and will not give my leaning, as I did with 1.  This is completely on you, hard as that may be.  Each woman should make their own decision on this and there is no wrong choice. 
   
   3. Remember: neither of you is the "other woman" as neither of you knew about the other.  You are both victims to this man's deceit and disrespect.  Do not feel guilt, do not feel hate toward the ex.  Nothing.  You did nothing wrong.  Remember that.

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3. 60

   juiwei2000posted 13 years ago

   God, alright, I usually don't like to give this advice, but in this instant.  I'll make an exception.  In my opinion, a person is dead, if his brain is dead, because his/her brain is no longer alive.  And in my opinion, a person is not alive, until he/she has an actual living brain.  So, if I am a woman and is you, and the child is yet to have a brain, I probably want to get rid of the kid (but that is me.  I don't know what approach you will take)
   
   If you want to keep the child or is legally not allow to get rid of the child, then my alternative advice is, it is time to fall out of love with him.  So, firstly, fall out of love with him and secondly, start shaking money out of him with child support payment!!!  Also, if possible you can also consider dating other men, after the child is born
   
   Of course, as a parent you have the duty of prioritizing your child.  But I think your kid would be much better off with you, as a single parent or maybe even with a step father (depends on the guy of course).
   
   Also, in my opinion he done you wrong, seriously, so, FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM AND IF YOU ARE KEEPING THE BABY START SHAKING MONEY OUT OF HIM WITH CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT!!! (pay back is a bitch)

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