I believe cheating begins when you begin to accomodate and feed those urges (secret communication, showing up where the object of your affections may be). You cannot control how you feel about a person. You don't get to choose who you love or want. But you can control what you do about it.
Dishonourable personality coupled with lack of self control and craving.
It usually begins with a lie. The first lie told is the one the cheater tells his or herself. It's the lie of "justification" which gives them permission to move forward. There are also other instances when the soon to be cheater tells themself their behavior or the circumstances they are involved in is "innocent" ( "He or she is just a friend", "We just flirt back and forth with one another" or "Since I know nothing is going to happen between us there was no reason to tell you about him or her", "It was just a kiss")
The bottom line is cheating involves lying directly, indirectly, or by omission. It also means keeping secrets or hiding behavior. The cheaters who live in denial during the early stages are often the ones who end up saying, "We did not plan this!" or "One thing led to another". Just as there is usually foreplay before sex there is also a type of foreplay before most affairs begin. Trivializing or justifying "secret behavior" one knows their mate would NOT approve of if often the first step towards cheating.
Having said that there are also people who never intended to be faithful to begin with.
Thank you all for those thoughtful and wonderful replies. This really answers not only my doubts but others' as well
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