How do you tell a relative that they are over-weight without upsetting them?

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   Lady_Eposted 11 years ago

   How do you tell a relative that they are over-weight without upsetting them?
   
   or is it best to just keep quiet and hope for the best?

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   krillcoposted 11 years ago

   ....and you think that they do not know that they are overweight? really?

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Some people are in denial and need  that little Nudge. There is no need for Sarcasm!! besides I do not have a relative that is over-weight. Sometimes people post questions so they can write an article about it.

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   HeatherH104posted 11 years ago

   Better not to say a word, love them as they are. You can't make choices for other people, they have to live their own life and make their own choices, including how they eat. If you live with them or close to them see if they would want to take walks, ride bikes, or do something active with you. Emphasis that you've wanted to do this and need the company. Never mention or even imply you are trying to help them. I've noticed a change in weight comes from motivation within and nothing others say (most especially negative) will cause a person to change.

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Heather.

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   Levertis Steeleposted 11 years ago

   I believe that the relative already knows. I understand concern for a loved one's health, but most people do not like for anyone to tell them something they already know, especially something so sensitive. Ask the relative to go walking with you several times a week, or ask him/her to be your support partner at a gym. Pay for one year of membership for both of you. I did this for a relative who was overweight. You can also cook healthful meals and invite the relative over. Always eat and drink healthful things in her/his presence. Buy the person a very attractive outfit that is one size too small, and throw away the receipt. This may help him/her to think about shedding a few pounds to wear it.
   
   Get involved in that person's life and create more healthful routines to enjoy together and with others. Plan a walk-a-thon together, and involve many others. You could invite church members or other groups. Each participant could donate $5.00 to be used for a charity or scholarship fund. Volunteer together a few hours a week in the community to perform active deeds. Go bike riding with both of your families. Just think, in the process of helping an overweight relative, you would be helping many others, the community, and yourself. I wish you and your relative happy wellness!

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. That's beautiful and so helpful.

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   mintinfoposted 11 years ago

   My eldest son is over weight and while he is well aware that everyone judges him by his weight he has resolved to deal with it on his own terms. Many people who are overweight already know that they are, you don't have to tell them. We are the ones who cannot accept that person for who they are or have become according to our ideals.
   
   Possible solution. Since that person already knows that they are overweight try to find out how much they accept themself the way they are now. That could be by gauging the sincerity of their happiness while talking to them. If they are perfectly happy with the way they are then there is nothing you can do to change them.

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks. That's helped me see things from a different perspective.

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   Diana Grantposted 11 years ago

   Why would you actually WANT to tell a relative they are fat? What makes you think they are not fully aware of the fact?  You need to question your own motives.
   
   I've always been overweight, and I can tell you I always find it offensive when people point it out.  I am what I am, and people should accept me as I am.
   
   If I want to discuss my weight with anyone, which I do from time to time, and for various reasons, then the subject should be raised by me, and not by them. 
   
   When I was about 17, my Uncle made some fat remark, and I was so incensed that I retaliated by pointing out that his ears stuck out. I know it was equally rude, but I wanted to show him that he didn't have a right to be offensive just because he was older than me. He was very shocked, so I think the message struck home.
   
   The only exception I would make is in parts of the world, like Africa, where fat women are considered beautiful, and the word mafuta, meaning fat, or fatty, is used as a compliment.
   
   Having said that, I would add that I don't mind discussing diet and exercise, just not in a judgmental way. And I don't mind a bit of genuine humor, so really, it depends to some extent on how I perceive the person's comment.  Any hint of being critical or judgmental, and I'm off!

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Diana, Sometimes, if I want to write an article about a sensitive subject, I post a question, so that the article is useful to people because most comment from experience. I have many Hubs like that. Don't take it personally & thanks for commenti

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   BuffaloGal1960posted 11 years ago

   I think a more productive way of letting someone know you are concerned about their health would be to research and write an article on how to overcome food addiction, how to recognize health problems that cause weight gain, such as hypothyroidism or taking steroids for example.
   
   I think I'd focus on that, rather than a specific person. In doing that, you may help many.
   
   It's between a person and their doctor really, not relatives.
   
   Many people die each year from being overweight.  Find out the statistics.  Then focus on helping everyone who battles weight issues and not a person.
   
   I hope that helps you.  Good luck with your hub.

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks so much.

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   NornsMercyposted 11 years ago

   I was worried for my mother because her being overweight added onto the health problems she already had. Also, she wasn't "curvy, sassy and proud" like lots of people are...she hated it everyday and it killed me to see her so down on herself. Her being overweight didn't come from a place of pride and love for herself...it came from a dark part of herself that thought she just wasn't good enough to try for herself.
   
   Instead of telling her something she already knew, I asked her to workout and eat healthy with me. It wasn't because I pitied her... I actually NEEDED and WANTED her to experience health with me. She gained a healthy lifestyle for life and feels better about herself, and I got a workout/fitness partner...and a healthy mother out of it!

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      Diana Grantposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, that's a totally acceptable way to go about it

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Very positive way. Thanks.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   You worry about upsetting them? Everything is blunt in our family and if you get upset, we tell you to go to your room and set yourself out before coming back. Even if it's dad when he's sick. My husband knows to leave me with my books and we tell him to play his video games when he's upset. If they can't handle themselves, they aren't worth being around, even if they are family. Being upset bothers the rest of the family which is rude, and they need to handle themselves. And yes, we are crudely blunt.

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      Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks.

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    fpherj48posted 11 years ago

    Hello, Lady E.....You don't.  I have never met an overweight person in my life who is UNAWARE that they are, in fact, overweight.   They can see their image in any mirror.....know what sizes they must wear.....feel the struggle & hear the grunt when they bend over...and realize the difference in their bodies and those of other more slim and trim individuals.
    If the person is your child or spouse, I suppose you have some control and can assist by the foods you buy and prepare and activities you encourage.   Other than this, it doesn't seem like a good idea to approach the subject.  EVEN IF "they" bring it up....I feel you should resist the urge to become too vocal.  No matter what you say or HOW you say it......what the sensitive "overweight" person will hear is....."You're Fat.".......Follow me?

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       Lady_Eposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks your name looks so familiar. Bubblews? Anyway, thanks again.

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