How do you ask your boyfriend to lose weight without hurting his feelings?
That is a tough one...depending on how sensitive he is about this subject, how reality based he is, (i.e. does HE feel he needs to lose weight?) and what YOUR perspective of 'overweight' is will determine the course of things.
I once had a b.f. who didn't want to hurt my feelings about my weight and so he said nothing. He then proceeded to stop being physically intimate with me and when I would bring up the subject and ask if it was my wt he would deny it. This went on and on until I finally stopped believing his lies and confronted him about it. He then proceeded to tell me that he 'didn't want to hurt my feelings'...but, b/c he withheld the truth the hurt was deeper and longer lasting.
Oh, and for the record, I was overweight, NOT obese. It was mostly HIS problem about what HE liked in an ideal woman which was completely the opposite of me: curvy. He liked the boy look-straight. So...double take your own ideals here. Good luck.
I can answer it from a male perspective. Flatter his ego. Tell him how great he looks and how hot he is, then how much sexier you'd both be were you to trim down and tone up alongside one another. Then do it with him.
There is no easy way to tell someone you'd like to see them make a change. This is especially true when the change has to do with personal appearance. If he was slimmer when you got together it's possible you could suggest you both hit the gym, take walks, or particiapte in more physical activity. Let him know you love him but you are concerned for his health and you want to make sure both of you are in top form.
Having said all of that there may come a time where you will have to make a tough decision if he decides not to make the effort to change. You'll have to decide if his weight is a "deal breaker". If it is you move on and if it's not you accept him as is. The truth is the only person we have control over is ourselves. People change when (they) want to change. At some point we have to stop asking (why someone is not doing something we want) and begin to ask ourselves (why we are staying with someone who doesn't want to do what we want). Hopefully he'll agree with you and make a change in his diet and activity.
Best of luck!
Was your boyfriend overweight when you met him? If yes, then I would not bring up the topic. the reason, he was attractive to you as an over weight person why try to change him now? I am not condoning obesity, I am saying if you make this person over now that he is your mate, then you may no longer be attracted to him.
A way you could influence his eating habits that may lead to weight loss is to monitor your food consumption. Eat healthy foods and enjoy it especially when your boyfriend is around. Prepare your meals in a healthy manner. Only buy healthy snacks when possible. These are discrete ways of saying its important to take care of your body so you will live longer and happier. Thats a better way of telling your friend to lose weight. if the weight problem has become an issue for you, break off the relationship and spare the dignity of your boyfriend.
With my ex, it was simple -- I told him how I really felt about it, "I'm concerned about your health." It was a fair statement, he was 400lbs and diabetic. He also knew he needed to lose weight, and appreciated my involvement in supporting him getting healthier. I was willing to work with him to completely overhaul the food we had in the house, our activity level, etc.
With my current husband, he doesn't need to lose weight -- he has a little bit of a belly, but very little, and he's 52 so he's entitled. However, I want to keep him around for a long time -- we have a 9-month-old baby and just found out there's another on the way -- so I've told him, "I would like to exercise more. Would you be willing to walk with me in the evenings?" It seems to work very well.
That said, if the weight is not a health issue, and more of you're not attracted to that little bit of spare tire, think about it for a moment. How would you take it if he approached you and said that he felt you need to lose weight? Before you say anything at all, just think about how it would feel if it were from him to you rather than the other way around.
offer to workout with him?... let lets get fit together bebe!
The best thing to do when you have somebody in your life that needs to lose weight is do it with them. If you don't need to lose weight you can still workout and eat healthy. I always like to make it a game (cuz my boy is big into games!) so be creative and do stuff you like to do together. Go skying or swimming, play sports, go paint-balling, go golfing without the cart; sky is the limit, but make it fun for you and you are bound to win! You can even be creative with the foods you eat as well as... other things in your life... and it all will help you both get in better shape and give you the desired results for him.
Hey babe wanna join me for an evening walk? Slowly but surely turn your evening walks into evening runs, then when his adrenaline gets pumping be sure to take a detour that takes you straight into a gym and onto the olyptical and whatever other machine..>Baby Steps Baby Steps #theyneverfail
Vonda G. Nelson
I'm not a big fan of one person's telling someone else s/he ought to lose weight. Most people I know who have a weight problem also talk about how they want to lose weight. I think it's fine to be supportive if they talk about wanting to lose weight, and I see nothing wrong with adding a few comments about any health concerns.
If the overweight person doesn't bring it up I don't think anyone else should. It's a rare person (I think) who has a serious amount of weight to lose and who doesn't realize it, or realize that his health is at stake. The overweight person who says nothing about wanting to lose weight is either a) uncomfortable talking about it, b) not worried about it, or c) not believing that it could affect his health if s/he doesn't lose some weight.
If the issue is "a", it would just make him uncomfortable to have someone else call attention to it. If it's "b" he isn't about to start paying attention to the health thing if he isn't already (in a world where everyone talks about weight and health all the time). If it's "c" he isn't going to start believing that he has to immediately lose weight because it might harm his health.
Basically, it's up to him to take the initiative. Other than that, I think it's kind of insulting to assume he doesn't know what he really ought to do. Chances are he knows and can't do it right now for his own reasons. I think he needs understanding - not someone assuming he doesn't already know he should lose some weight.
I just straight up told my boyfriend "Baby, you're getting a little chubby." I don't know if this hurt his feelings or not, but it worked.
On the flip side, he has told me when I've needed to trim down. He was right, and I was already noticing the weight gain. I didn't take it personally because I know that he was just looking out for me and that he loves me no matter what.
If your boyfriend is sensitive, come at it from a health angle.
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