Break-Ups: Why does it hurt when you end a relationship?
You meet this person, and they're everything you would imagine them to be. You go on date one, then date two, then after that, you basically see them everyday. Their touch, their smile, and their smell is all so familiar to you. Now, it's almost a year later and the spark leaves the relationship. You start arguing everyday and you start to go days without seeing or talking to each other. Now you're in the bed laying down thinking of them. You are yearning for that smell, that touch, that smile. But, you know they don't want to talk to you and you haven't built the confidence yet.
Not sure of the scene presented following the question, however one may hurt, which is pain experienced, with the ending of a relationship simply through the experience of loss. The grieving process is entered upon. That process is:
Denial and Isolation
The 'hurt' inquired of is an emotional pain. Emotional pain is the result of cognition, which is the thought process - thinking and memory. A compare and contrast occurs. For instance one may associate the loss of the object of the relationship - the partner, with the loss of ones Teddy Bear when a child. That time of loss is experienced once again cognitively, even though we experience it as fast as lightning flashing through the sky. At question may be resolve answered with the grieving process shared earlier.
If the loss of that Teddy Bear was resolved easily and with growth, then the loss experienced with the relationship coming to an end is resolved more easily. Then again maybe the loss is associated with the loss of a loved one such as a parent, a friend, or most any 'loved' one, of which is a person and not an object. That pain is experienced once again through that process of cognition resulting through a compare/contrast of thinking while relating to a memory. A specific memory. The memory associated with is the guiding force as to how that new loss will be encountered with the grieving process.
Of course there arrives complexity too as the new process of grieving is in fact a 'new' a memory being created. Yet, which memory through cognition and memory is associated with it is at question while one has the opportunity of choice rather than reliance on association. How one chooses to relate to the loss offers resolve through that process of grieving seeking extinguishing the pain - emotional, experienced.
An interesting question and I am not sure if I answered it well enough to offer hope of overcoming the 'hurt' of loss. Thank you for asking this question as these short moments of pondering has offered opportunity for this 'self' of least resolve with a recent experience of loss too. :-)
What you described is the essence of EVERY (new) relationship!
It's called the "infatuation phase".
Generally most new relationships start off filled with laughter, passion, enjoying each other's company, everything you want to do they want to do, talking on the phone for hours at a time, planning future events together. The word "no" is seldom if ever used.
It's no wonder one believes they've met their "soul-mate"; again!
I say again because if you live long enough and have multiple relationships you will discover that the "infatuation phase" is normal for the most part. People in the beginning tend to put their best foot forward, bend over backwards to impress the object of their affection in hopes of "winning them over". After there has been an (emotional investment) on the part of their mate and they feel secure in the relationship that is when they reveal their "authentic selves". Disagreements arise, boundaries are set, "deal breakers" and expectations are discussed. Only then do you learn if you have truly found your soul-mate.
With age and experience comes wisdom. Eventually you learn to ease into new relationships and allow them to evolve while maintaining your awareness. You'll come to realize the first 6 or so months is not what the relationship is going to be like.
It's always painful to be rejected or to realize you two no longer want the same things. However when it comes to love most of us (fail our way to success). If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!
Over time you'll remove those "rose tinted glasses", stop "romanticizing the past" and see the truth for what it is in the cold light of day. In hindsight there were clues and "red flags" ignored.
In order for you ex to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a (soul-mate) is someone who actually wants to be with you!
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'
- Oscar Wilde
If someone doesn't want to talk to you they don't think you're "special".
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