Break-Ups: Why does it hurt when you end a relationship?

Jump to Last Post 1-4 of 4 discussions (7 posts)
  1. profile image48
    The Troofposted 4 years ago

    Break-Ups: Why does it hurt when you end a relationship?

    You meet this person, and they're everything you would imagine them to be. You go on date one, then date two, then after that, you basically see them everyday. Their touch, their smile, and their smell is all so familiar to you. Now, it's almost a year later and the spark leaves the relationship. You start arguing everyday and you start to go days without seeing or talking to each other. Now you're in the bed laying down thinking of them. You are yearning for that smell, that touch, that smile. But, you know they don't want to talk to you and you haven't built the confidence yet.

  2. tsmog profile image77
    tsmogposted 4 years ago

    Not sure of the scene presented following the question, however one may hurt, which is pain experienced, with the ending of a relationship simply through the experience of loss. The grieving process is entered upon. That process is:

    Denial and Isolation

    The 'hurt' inquired of is an emotional pain. Emotional pain is the result of cognition, which is the thought process - thinking and memory. A compare and contrast occurs. For instance one  may associate the loss of the object of the relationship - the partner, with the loss of ones Teddy Bear when a child. That time of loss is experienced once again cognitively, even though we experience it as fast as lightning flashing through the sky. At question may be resolve answered with the grieving process shared earlier.

    If the loss of that Teddy Bear was resolved easily and with growth, then the loss experienced with the relationship coming to an end is resolved more easily. Then again maybe the loss is associated with the loss of a loved one such as a parent, a friend, or most any 'loved' one, of which is a person and not an object. That pain is experienced once again through that process of cognition resulting through a compare/contrast of thinking while relating to a memory. A specific memory. The memory associated with is the guiding force as to how that new loss will be encountered with the grieving process.

    Of course there arrives complexity too as the new process of grieving is in fact a 'new' a memory being created. Yet, which memory through cognition and  memory is associated with it is at question while one has the opportunity of choice rather than reliance on association. How one chooses to relate to the loss offers resolve through that process of grieving seeking extinguishing the pain - emotional, experienced.

    An interesting question and I am not sure if I answered it well enough to offer hope of overcoming the 'hurt' of loss. Thank you for asking this question as these short moments of pondering has offered opportunity for this 'self' of least resolve with a recent experience of loss too. :-)

    1. profile image48
      The Troofposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      You're absolutely right.

  3. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 4 years ago

    What you described is the essence of EVERY (new) relationship!
    It's called the "infatuation phase".
    Generally most new relationships start off filled with laughter, passion, enjoying each other's company, everything you want to do they want to do, talking on the phone for hours at a time, planning future events together. The word "no" is seldom if ever used.
    It's no wonder one believes they've met their "soul-mate"; again!
    I say again because if you live long enough and have multiple relationships you will discover that the "infatuation phase" is normal for the most part. People in the beginning tend to put their best foot forward, bend over backwards to impress the object of their affection in hopes of "winning them over". After there has been an (emotional investment) on the part  of their mate and they feel secure in the relationship that is when they reveal their "authentic selves".  Disagreements arise, boundaries are set, "deal breakers" and expectations are discussed. Only then do you learn if you have truly found your soul-mate.
    With age and experience comes wisdom. Eventually you learn to ease into new relationships and allow them to evolve while maintaining your awareness.  You'll come to realize the first 6 or so months is not what the relationship is going to be like.
    It's always painful to be rejected or to realize you two no longer want the same things. However when it comes to love most of us (fail our way to success). If this were not true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts!
    Over time you'll remove those "rose tinted glasses", stop "romanticizing the past" and see the truth for what it is in the cold light of day. In hindsight there were clues and "red flags" ignored.
    In order for you ex to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a (soul-mate) is someone who actually wants to be with you!
    "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.'
    - Oscar Wilde
    If someone doesn't want to talk to you they don't think you're "special".

    1. profile image48
      The Troofposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot for the insight.

  4. Akriti Mattu profile image73
    Akriti Mattuposted 4 years ago

    Because at that time it is hard letting go.

    1. profile image48
      The Troofposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      It really is.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)