What would be "the last straw" offense to make you end a relationship?

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   jansharesposted 10 years ago

   What would be "the last straw" offense to make you end a relationship?
   
   Tell why this offense would be a deal breaker you could not tolerate.

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2. 80

   Edward J. Palumboposted 10 years ago

   I consider dishonesty a deal-breaker. Lies or theft will undermine trust in a relationship, and if you cannot trust there is no foundation for a relationship. I've been married for 31 years, but I'd had some interesting experiences when I was single.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely, Edward, it is trust that binds a relationship. Thanks for answering.

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3. 81

   Justin McLeanposted 10 years ago

   Great question- I'd say infidelity... My last girlfriend cheated on me with the man she eventually married lol.  Aside from cheating, I'm not the biggest fan of emotional manipulation either.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, emotional manipulation is a form of abuse that can be subtle but damaging. Thanks for answering, Justin.

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   That is a great question.
   I've noticed most people (need) to be cheated on, verbally/physically abused, or some other huge offense in order to give themselves "permission" to walk away from an unhappy or toxic  relationship.
   I believe if you or your mate has to change their (core) being in order to make a relationship work it means you have chosen the wrong mate for yourselves. Everyone wants to be loved for who (they) are.
   Each of us gets to choose our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Each of us also is responsible for our own happiness. Ultimately if we are unhappy with the choice we made we should learn from our mistake and move on. Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.
   "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
   - Oscar Wilde
   There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who does not want what you want.
   The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
   Personally speaking I don't need a "major offense" to cause me to (realize) I can't continue being in a relationship. If I (overall) no longer enjoy the person's company I'm not going to waste years of my life simply "sleepwalking" through a relationship.
   Sometimes people "grow apart" or they no longer want the same things. No one has to "hurt" or "betray" the other.
   You can give it your all and sometimes it just doesn't work out.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very true, dashingscorpio. Sometimes it's over before the explosion occurs. Thank you for your answer.

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   Treasuresofheavenposted 10 years ago

   Very thought provoking question.
   
   Before I married my husband many many years ago, I ended relationships based on these reasons:
   1)  Incompatibility.  If you are not on the same page as your partner's you can hang up the relationship.  Incompatibility is when you have different goals, beliefs and purposes.  Relationships do not work when two people are in different worlds. Incompatibility is discovered over time, hopefully sooner than later.
   and
   2)  A request for something of me that I wasn't willing to give up or would compromise my values and belief.  When your partner (friend) requests somethings of you that will compromise your values - they are essentially trespassing against you.  Ultimately, that person is harming themselves and does not even respect their own selves. 
   I hope this makes sense. 
   
   "The last straw" in a marriage?  I have been married 29 years to my husband and we have had many challenges, and nothing has torn us apart to date. -- And I do not foresee that anything will cause us to leave one another in the future!

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Beautiful response, treasuresofheaven. Your insights display true experience gained from this mystery we call marriage. Thank you for answering.

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6. 90

   poppyrposted 10 years ago

   An affair would end it for me.  A kiss I might be able to forgive, but anything more than that and it would be the end.  I'd never trust him again, never feel confident again, so there wouldn't be any point in continuing the relationship.
   Domestic abuse is another - a man who hits his woman, no matter how much she's annoyed him, doesn't deserve her in his life.
   Other things can be worked on, but it really depends on how healthy the relationship is in the first place.  If it's not that great to begin with, you don't really need a 'deal-breaker' to end it.  If the relationship is fantastic, then you don't like his mother-in-law or his new haircut, then it's worth working on.
   "If your house has a broken light, you don't buy a new house, you fix the light."

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   1. 94

      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Excellent insight, poppyr. Outside of repeated infidelity and domestic violence, most relationships are worth fixing. I think people don't fully commit to getting through the dry times. Thank you for your answer.

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7. 0

   temptor94posted 10 years ago

   Disloyalty/cheating would be the last straw. As would be the exposure of hypocrisy or fraud. If the partner has lied in terms of his job, family, marital status or any other crucial thing, that's a complete deal breaker.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Indeed, you have listed the big ones, temptor94, all of which encompass deception. Thanks for answering.

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8. 0

   swilliamsposted 10 years ago

   
   
   A repeat offense is when I bail. A person can only treat you as badly, as you will allow them to. I can’t wait around for someone to get their act together; I could be dead gone before that happens. I say this because I have watched people be mistreated in life, and they have left this earth without an apology, and the person that has wronged them still carries on in search of their next prey. Flee from misery. Forgive, and then just put on your running shoes, and flee my friend.:-)
   Pic from publicdomainpictues.net/Petr Kratochvil

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   1. 94

      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      "Repeat" offense is the operative word here, swilliams. I agree wholeheartedly. The first time can be seen as a mistake that you both choose to work through and understand why it happened. The second time . . .outta here! Thanks for answering.

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9. 44

   DDEposted 10 years ago

   I don't tolerate cheating and trust is important in any relationship if I have been betrayed that is just it. I expect to be treated with respect.

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      jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Broken trust and cheating seem to be the consensus with most, DDE. The result is almost always a feeling of disrespect which can lead to a loss of dignity in one's self. Not worth it. Thank you for your answer.

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    Penny Gposted 10 years ago

    Hurting one of my children. That would be the final blow. No woman should put a man before her child's safety.

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       jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Most definitely, Penny G, thank you for your answer.

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    Coco Allureposted 10 years ago

    Cheating! I don't care how sorry they are... if they did it once it only makes it easier for them to do it again.

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       jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Yes, Coco, it can be the beginning of a pattern. Thanks for your answer.

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    fpherj48posted 10 years ago

    In terms of ANY relationship or exclusively "intimate" relationships?  I ask because my answer is quite different for each.
    In a long-term "friendship w/ male or female.....the "last straw for me has always been "betrayal or disloyalty."  I'm aware this covers a vast number of sins (so to speak)...but when it happens, I recognize it immediately as a BOND-breaker....and quickly act.  Like the saying goes, "Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice....shame on me."  I won't hang around anticipating someone to put the screws to me at their very next opportunity.
    How stupid would that be?
    In terms of a Romantic relationship?  In my entire lifetime, I have only loved one man so totally & completely with every fiber of my being...enough to know I could and would forgive him nearly ANYTHING.
    With any other men I have had a so-called serious and/or long term relationship with......the last straw would be attempting to change any part of what makes me who I am......OR mistaking my kindness for a weakness........HUGE mistake.

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       jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I appreciate your different perspectives, Paula. It does depend on the type of relationship and what you've invested. Thank you for answering.

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13. 71

    platinumOwl4posted 10 years ago

    The last straw is the first straw. I don't like lies, one lie leads to another until you can determine the truth. I make that clear up front, so you can't say you didn't tell me. Not no, but He... no. You always have to remember the lie you told.

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    1. 94

       jansharesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       I appreciate your zero tolerance stance regarding lies. Thank you for answering.

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