Do you believe a transgendered person has a moral obligation to reveal it before the first date?
If you asked someone out on a date or were asked out by someone would you want to know they are transgendered (prior to going out)? If a transgendered person has to continually announce their original birth gender to others do you believe they can ever truly feel their transition is complete?
(The correct term is transgender person, not transgendered. See this article by Joanne Herman, a transgender advocate: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joanne-he … 92922.html )
Is any person obligated to tell someone their whole life history before the first date? If I've been in prison, have herpes, have had relationships with both men and women, am I obligated to divulge that prior to the first date?
No. A first date isn't marriage, or a commitment. It's dinner or a movie or a basketball game. There's no obligation on either side to tell intimate details prior to purchasing movie tickets.
However, there are some intimate details that should be discussed prior to getting---well, intimate. It's up to the individual to decide the correct time to have that conversation, and to deal with the consequences. Part of getting to know someone is learning when they're ready, or when they need to know these details.
Thanks for the correction in terminology but I'm unable to edit the question at this point.
Based upon your answer (you) wouldn't want or need to know if you were going out with a transgender person on a first date. You may be in the minority.
I would venture to say I am more open minded about this issue than many people, because I know more people whose gender is fluid or evolving than many do. It's not a big deal, and I don't think it would be a deal breaker for me.
I do see the difficulty in this situation for a transgender person & respect that. It should also be respected that some people live differently & don't want even 1 date if they're not heterosexual & born of the opposite sex.
If someone is that worried about a date with someone who might be transgender, it's on them to ask, before they make a date, if they are biologically the gender they are presenting. Take responsibility, rather than making it someone else's problem.
Lisa, I don't think anyone is out to make the situation anyone's "problem". People have the right to have their own expectations & approach to dating.
That goes for the transgender person as well. It's an individual's preference.
Maybe I wasn't clear: instead of expecting someone to divulge all their intimate details before you go out, maybe it's wise to just ask, if it's something important to you, instead of being angry later because they didn't read your mind.
On or before a first date, that information is NOT relevant. The only time I would absolutely NEED that information is if it would impact my sex life in a significant way (pre-surgery, etc) or our future (say the possibility of kids, etc).
Other than that, I typically try not to assume one's gender anyways.
I cannot say what another person's moral obligation should be, I've tried and it doesn't work. But seriously, I am a heterosexual woman and would most certainly need to know that I am going out with a heterosexual male who was born that way. Some people have differing views and if that makes them happy, great. But I personally would not want to waste my time or anyone else's in a romantic way and would possibly even feel that I was tricked if I were to be told by them later rather than sooner. The point is that just as in many other situations in life, consideration of the other person goes a long way.
As for the transgender person not feeling their transition is complete, I cannot see how this can be honestly handled without being forthright and considerate of the fact that they may be asking a person out who is heterosexual. Unfortunately, a lack of being forthright with something of this nature can make for very uncomfortable scenes or even worse.
There are still many people who are offended and some may become very insulting if asked out by a person who is not heterosexual and born the opposite sex. I would say that it is better to be safe than to be sorry that you wasted your time and energy or someone else's. A transgender person needs to continually announce their birth gender to find the right person for them.
"I personally would not want to waste my time or anyone else's in a romantic way and would possibly even feel that I was tricked if I were to be told by them later rather than sooner."
Good point! Everyone has their own idea of proper decorum
It is up to individual but I would agree to reveal the sex gender before dating, not to let the partner faint at door step
Absolutely! A person should be notified and then they could make the decision as to whether they want to continue to pursue the relationship. I think most straight guys may have a problem with the fact that the transgender has a male sex organ, but that's just me. I mean, in the natural sense, they are dating a male who chose to represent himself as a female.
Does a non-transgender person have an obligation to identify what type of genitals they have in their pants (or skirt) and/or what type of genitals they were born with?
Answer that and you have answered your question.
Me personally, it wouldn't concern me. Seems like the fun of dating is getting to know someone. There are lots of reasons why things may not work out. Doesn't have to be a big deal. And who knows, you might actually find that it is kind of fun.
I believe most people (assume) if you look like a male or female you were born that way which explains why the subject would not likely come up. Some folks might call it lying by omission. Other folks like you don't mind. Thanks for your answer!
I would say it would be in the best interest of the transgender person. If you tell the person you are interested in on the first date that you are transgender, you learn whether or not they will be comfortable with that. Better to learn that on the first date than to be dating someone for weeks or months who is uncomfortable with who you really are.
Also if you don't tell them, you run the risk of someone else telling them and that is never a good way to start a relationship.
Most people seem to be answering this question from the view point of the transgender person. The other half of the question is would (you) want to know in advance of going out with someone or not, or even on the first date?
I would want to know. I would want to know that person for who they really are and also I would need time to process and decide if I want to continue the relationship or not.
I think yes. I know it might be offensive to some etc. etc. but I would want to know. If I then decide to go on a date with that person there after awesome! If not, he / she doesn't risk being rejected when I do find out if that's something I wouldn't want in to and I wouldn't be upset for the same reasons.
With-holding information you know logically could change the persons outlook on you is the same as lying. If you don't feel comfortable divulging that information to the person just yet then hold off on a first date until then - keep things casual, hold up more of a virtual / text / online relationship until you feel like you're ready to open up to the person.
I am very upfront with regard to the fact that I have a son. I don't keep him a secret and then spring him up on someone after one or numerous dates. I’m a firm believer in you should know what you're getting upfront and if you're good with that and still "want me for me and all my baggage" then awesome. If that stops our "relationship" in its tracks and you want nothing further to do with me then so be it - you were never right for me and life goes on.
This essay is in response to a question by dashingscorpio: Do we believe that a transgendered person has a moral obligation to announce her status on first dates? read more
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