How will you know when you've finally forgiven someone?

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  1. profile image0
    LoliHeyposted 2 years ago

    How will you know when you've finally forgiven someone?

    Is it possible to forgive someone but still hate him or her?

  2. profile image53
    Hussain Arif Aliposted 2 years ago

    If the first thought about them whenever you encounter them does not remind you of that particular mistake they have made, then  you will know that you have forgiven them.

  3. tsadjatko profile image71
    tsadjatkoposted 2 years ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/12823207_f260.jpg

    To forgive you must CHOOSE to release emotional guilt you place upon the other person but it's not a release of responsibility or absence of healthy boundaries. It doesn’t mean justice either, that is irrelevant, but it is a conscious choice to remove the right to get even from the person who injured you. It’s a release of anger and any bitterness or grudge.

    Also forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person who injured you (although it might be of benefit to them) but it cleanses the forgiver's heart of vengeance, bitterness and ill will which opens their heart to evil. Once you understand this forgiveness is not so hard. Forgiveness in no way condones what a person may have done nor releases them from the consequences but removes you from the intention of consequences.

    When someone injures us we can often wish harm upon them or hate them. This is normal, but it’s not part of the forgiveness process. You can still hate what they did but no longer hold it against them if you have truly forgiven them. Have you stopped looking for them to fail? If you have truly forgiven someone, then just like you would for anyone else, you would want them to succeed or at least do better in life. Forgiveness means you’ve stopped keeping a record of the person’s wrongs. That’s how believers respond to others. We consider their best interests.

    Do you still think of getting even with the person? There may be consequences which need to come for this person and you may have to see them through to protect others, but does your heart want to hurt them? If it does, you have not forgiven them. If you still hate them you have not forgiven them.

    Those struggling with forgiveness will most likely push back against it a bit, however, for your heart to completely heal, you eventually need to forgive the one who hurt you the most. Pray about it. Only you and God truly know if you have forgiven someone in your heart. Ask God to continue to work on your heart and remember what Jesus said as he was crucified for doing no wrong, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

    When you consider people who have done evil to you for which you have a hard time forgiving, odds are they know not what they are doing as the consequences for sin are dire.

    1. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      You're damned right words have MEANING!!   Practice saying that & believing it...about 500 times a day  or until you actually understand what you just said!

    2. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Yes dear.

    3. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      smile

  4. dashingscorpio profile image89
    dashingscorpioposted 2 years ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/12823309_f260.jpg

    You'll know you have forgiven someone when you no longer dwell on what they did or said. If you "still hate" someone it means you're still "emotionally invested" in what took place in the past.
    The opposite of love is not hate. It's "indifference". No longer caring!
    When you get to a point where you have no emotional feelings towards a person to the point of them being a stranger or placed in a mental box to be discarded you'll know you're there.
    Forgiveness doesn't require you continue to associate with a person. It means you have decided you are no longer going to allow their actions to dwell on your mind any longer.
    To forgive is different from to forget.
    If a creditor "forgives a debt" it means they are no longer going to pursue you for the money. It also means they won't be extending you any loans. "Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn."
    Never forget the lessons you learn.
    Thus the adage: "Fool me once shame on you."
    "Fool me (twice) shame on me."
    Forgiveness removes the negative energy from your heart and mind.

    1. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      What exactly is negative energy? Just a phrase you created to express negative emotion or is it a measurable energy?

    2. dashingscorpio profile image89
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Actually TSAD "negative energy" is not a "new term"! I can't take credit. Essentially it's the same as "toxic".
      If you're hating someone you're not exactly in a "positive" mood. Energy is a reference to the {feelings} inhabited.

    3. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Then why don;t you just say that, why label emotions as energy when it isn't energy?

    4. dashingscorpio profile image89
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      TSAD it's a very common term. It's no big deal to (me) personally. I just assumed the average person reading my comment would understand or be familiar with it's meaning. There are (many ways) to say the same thing. smile
      Have a great weekend!

    5. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I know people describe emotions as positive or negative energy,I just wondered since you are1of those people if you could explain to me why you use a wordfrom physics to describe something that isn't what the word you use actually represents.

    6. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Maybe I can HELP. Our Native tongue is amazing. Writers are wordsmiths & have artistic freedom to use it ALL. Words can be substituted, interchanged, multi-translated. "Expressions" are endless. Wanna explain "Lame Duck?" neither lame nor a duck!

    7. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Well that might explain why Paula would use negative energy in place of emotion(do you do that?),but I wanted to know why DS uses that phrase because in physics energy cannot be created or destroyed&I don't see how that relates to emotions :-)

    8. dashingscorpio profile image89
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      In theory thoughts/brain waves are described as energy/magnetic sources.
      When someone says "follow your heart" they don't literary mean (your heart is a mind) that deliberates but rather your instincts. HP Q&A isn't usually a scientific forum.

    9. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      T~Who could blame him if he doesn't answer U? U R Nit-picking needlessly, but 4 the pleasure it gives U to pressure & push people. DS can label emotions anyway he chooses! Emotions R energy, Mr. Spock! From pulpit to physics. Must U always PREACH

    10. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Well excuse me for asking a question,Paula.I see acomparison of a lame duck to a politician who can't get anything done,neither can a lame duck.I don't see the similarity between emotions that can be created or disappear and energy which can't

    11. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Well...Open up your closed mind & let your imagination fly free. Spend less time looking to pick a fight or trying to prove UR smarter than the ave. guy. It becomes annoying, NOREEN! UR impossible!

    12. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Well, I think I have proven to you of all people that I can let my imagination fly free. That doesn't mean I forget that words have meaning. There is no shortage of imagination around here, a big shortage of reality when it comes to expression.

    13. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Ok all right, you're 100% correct in all that you say, T....really.  Seriously, Have no idea how I could be so confused that I lost track of your supreme knowledge, wisdom & command of all words that should & should NOT be used. OH  FORGIVE M

    14. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      If this is about this Q&A,I'm sorry but DS had an excellent Answer but for me it was ruined simply by the use of the words"negative energy from your heart and mind"because energy isn't positive or negative nor removable.It sounds new age.

    15. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      How sad you allow so little & so unimportant an issue to "ruin" things for you.Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder? Inability to relax & simply enjoy w/o tearing apart every word & insisting there's always "something" WRONG w/ OTHERS..not U? Ju

    16. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I'm sorry I don't conform to your standard, or is it lack of standards. How sad that you should look at it that way.

    17. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Oh certainly "T," it has to be my LACK of standards! (words have meaning?) Ask ur JW buddy, Looney Tunes Noreen.She's got me pegged as paid advocate for Satan.She needs to brace her crazy self 4 a pitchfork up her PATHOLOGICAL ASS. She's just NUTS!

    18. tsadjatko profile image71
      tsadjatkoposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      JW's are a cult, their history is all over the internet,not opinion fact!  So to stay in that there is a big cognitive problem as you can see. She's not my buddy,why would you say that, to smear me with her?What's she have to do with thisQ&A?

    19. fpherj48 profile image77
      fpherj48posted 2 years agoin reply to this

      I am so glad you asked.  I have a clear and painful answer for you.  Check your email, dear F R I E N D................

  5. fpherj48 profile image77
    fpherj48posted 2 years ago

    Dashing....I'm not surprised at all that you are the very first person to convey thoughts/opinions on this specific topic, very similar to my own. I think it's fair to say there are a good number of people who see things the way we do, but simply don't discuss it for some reason.
    "Hate" is a powerful negative emotion and requires more effort than I care to waste on someone.  I prefer to erase them from my mind.  Surely most of us have heard it said, (to encourage individuals to "forgive,")...."To forgive someone does not mean you must FORGET."   Really?  That's one of the lamest statements I've ever heard in my life.  Actually, I want to say, "STUPID."   I say this because I'm a realistic, common sense, cut to the chase sort of person.  Please do not parse words with me nor play silly "word games." 
    Having given my opinion on that, I need to explain that only the people in my life who matter to me can hurt me. I can be crushed by someone I love and left feeling terribly sad by anyone closely involved in my life.  For those very special people, my sincere and unconditional love for them carries with it an auto-forgive & forget button.  I doubt I need to explain this in detail.  Anyone who loves unconditionally understands me. Forgiveness is present immediately. No doubt, no question, no hesitation.

    As for others....I'm afraid they cannot hurt me.  They can however, piss me off to varying degrees. I don't hate them, I don't wish them ill will, I can't be bothered to glance at them over my shoulder, after I step over them. I don't need to keep track of what they do or don't do, simply because I honestly don't give a damn what they do.
    I wish them no harm and I wish them no joy. They are NO ONE. No need whatsoever to forgive them when it's a simple one step action to FORGET them.  They no longer exist to me and I can assure you, they'll not get a 2nd chance to attempt to do me (OR a loved one) some sort of harm.  How much easier can it be?  Just turn around, walk away, hold your head high & forget the nasty schmuck.  We do not need that type in our lives.  Well, I should speak for myself..  I don't need them.  SHOO!  Go away!  Go on...GIT!!!!   I trust I've made myself clear.
    I am always impressed with your voice of reason, Dashing.  Paula

    1. dashingscorpio profile image89
      dashingscorpioposted 2 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Paula!
      Have a great weekend!

  6. tsmog profile image82
    tsmogposted 2 years ago

    I see it that time arrives when I have forgiven myself for not forgiving someone. That may be a few moments to years. Also, I believe to forgive does not mean to condone. I may forgive someone in a few moments while never condone.

  7. clivewilliams profile image83
    clivewilliamsposted 2 years ago

    When what you have forgiven them for no longer matters to you

  8. profile image54
    jerrycarmanposted 2 years ago

    When they come to you looking for advice. Then give them the right hand and give them the right answer.

  9. tom105 profile image72
    tom105posted 2 years ago

    you only know that you've forgiven someone when you don't feel bad to see them,talk about the issue then smile and laugh about it and you  don't seek revenge

  10. profile image56
    Canucks goalposted 2 years ago

    When you let go of any negative emotions such as revenge and anger towards the individual or individuals that hurt you. The offender wont occupy your thoughts as much, and you may even wish the offender well.

  11. Sgt Prepper profile image61
    Sgt Prepperposted 2 years ago

    When you no longer toss & turn at night thinking over and over again how you should have caused them great bodily harm

  12. profile image56
    Draimposted 2 years ago

    Yes but I did Aansy Nafl to me and I will be someone warned him not to reality in the same place once Akhara

 
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