What qualities make for a lasting marriage, with divorce rates at 60% including

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   Dawn Michael PhDposted 8 years ago

   What qualities make for a lasting marriage, with divorce rates at 60% including separation?

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   Ken Burgessposted 8 years ago

   Both have to share the value of family, marriage, being a couple committed to one another.
   
   Both have to have strong common ties to something... either they grew up in the same culture, watching the same things, learning the same things... or they share a career or dedication to a religion, etc.
   
   If one person grew up in a broken family, without any positive role models, and never saw any long term relationship endure... then chances are, they will falter in any marriage sooner or later.  They have had in their experiences the foundation for such failure.
   
   In addition we live in a culture that rewards separation, for women, the welfare state allows for single women to receive benefits for themselves and their children if they divorce or remain single and maintain custody of the children.
   
   And we live in a culture of self gratification, instant gratification, and one where opportunity to be with someone else is right around the corner, for just about anyone.

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   Cissy1946posted 8 years ago

   I was 46 when I married for the first time so the things that made our marriage work may not work for younger people but Mike and I always took time for ourselves. Everyday. After work we would just relax with each other and tell each other the things that happened, both bad and good, to us during the day. We exposed each other to new things. Ex. He was a racing enthusiast and an avid sports fan while I was much happier at a play or concert but together we enjoyed both types of entertainment. We laughed together a lot. We had one absolute rule--Never go to sleep mad. We had a couple of really late nights but we always worked out the problem. Our marriage wasn't perfect but it was a wonderful part of my life. I think the laughing together is really important.

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      Dawn Michael PhDposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I agree, I think that laughing together in a marriage is very important, as well as trying new things to keep the relationship exciting.

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   We also can't forget the "emotionally divorced" & sexless but living together. They're just "roommates with the same last name".
   The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the marriage that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
   Compatibility trumps compromise!
   Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
   I believe the #1 cause for divorce is choosing the wrong mate.
   Each of us gets to {choose} our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
   The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.
   Having said all of the above there are no guarantees that one person or the other won't change, grow in a different direction, or want something different. Communication is the GPS for marriages.
   It lets you know if you're  "growing together" or "growing apart".
   There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want.
   Maybe a couple talked about having children and a couple years into the marriage the wife's career took off and now she's not interested in having children. Maybe one of them was offered a promotion that required them to relocate across the country or outside of their present country.
   Incidences of physical/verbal abuse arise, infidelity, addictions, or illegal behavior...etc
   Everyone is entitled to have their own "deal breakers" and "boundaries". When we change our circumstances change.

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      Dawn Michael PhDposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hello, nice to hear from you, so with that in mind we are probably looking at a 70% divorce rate counting in the sexless, unsatisfied marriages.

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      dashingscorpioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      The other happy 30% of marriages probably includes newlyweds and those who have been married less than 20 years. LOL!
      They say relationships are "hard work".
      However finding the "right mate" is the (real) hard work!

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   tamarawilhiteposted 8 years ago

   Divorce and separation rates are closer to 40% for first marriages, 50% for second marriages (Shaunti Feldhan's research).
   Why marriages fail include:
   * marrying when too immature, which is why you shouldn't marry before 20
   * too long as an unstable relationship so protective behaviors lead to divorce, such as marrying the "other woman" or having children before legally together in the hope of leading to marriage
   * differences in faith that lead to conflict when you have children
   * differences in how they view money so they conflict every time both spend all the money
   * marrying someone who cannot make the commitment because they aren't a fit spouse (gambler, drug addict, drink to excess, abusive behaviors)

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