Is marriage an arrangement no longer worth entertaining

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  1. RealityTalk profile image61
    RealityTalkposted 10 years ago

    Is marriage an arrangement no longer worth entertaining

    Has marriage outlived its purpose?  Its meaning?  Cheating is rampant.  Divorce is the norm.  Split households with time-share parents is at least half the American family arrangement.  Men marrying men.  Women marrying women.  Does it make sense to marry anymore.  I am happily married 20+ years now, but do I want my children to marry?  With marriage, my son risks losing all he works for to someone else.  My daughters risk rearing their children solo.  Divorce is expensive. Families are living apart.  Has marriage become obsolete in today's close-nit world?

  2. Cordelia Bay profile image60
    Cordelia Bayposted 10 years ago

    It is truly a messed and and crazy world! Sometimes I feel that I don't belong.....morals, values, principles and respect appear to no longer being taught or practiced. I am not perfect....actually far from it! Yet, my desire has been and still is to find that one who will remain with me through thick and thin and life. Unfortunately, I have not found the one yet....but, still hopeful. I have a few regrets from bad choices, misunderstanding and simply knowing better and doing it anyway. I am the one who holds onto hope when no hope seems to be present. I am the one who continues to love when love is not returned. I am the one who will pray for complete strangers....wishing blessing and prosperity into their lives. And, I am the one who will always receives the blame....yet, I still wish for the best to all those who have not lost value in the topic of marriage. We can not live our children's lives for them.....make them accept our belief's or make their choices for them.  However, we can always be a support team--loving them when others have stopped.

    1. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very nice words.  I cannot believe you will be without someone for long.  My only advice for what it is worth:  marry someone who is a best friend.  Marriage based on sexual attraction or personal appearances tend to fail.

  3. profile image0
    savvydatingposted 10 years ago

    Reality talk, your marriage is evidence that marriage is still alive and well. OK, maybe not so well for many others, but...  marriage will never go out of style. To worry about marrying because one might lose their retirement is nonsense. Sometimes you just have to take the plunge. But frankly, I see no point in marriage unless a couple is truly of sound mind. But more importantly, the reason to be married is because you know you just can't see yourself without that person. Marriage helps us. It can truly help us grow and that is the purpose of marriage - to become a better person for having learned how to lean on someone you know will be there for you.

    1. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your nice comment.  I do need my wife; she is my best friend.  And you are right, I lean on her and she does bring out the best in me.

    2. dashingscorpio profile image80
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not certain that marriage makes a couple "better" people. Couples in long-term relationships especially ones where they live together also lean on one another. I do agree that marriage is here to stay. It's still considered the crowning glory.

  4. dashingscorpio profile image80
    dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

    Marriage is lifestyle choice. It's not a requirement to be happy.
    However due to religion, tradition, transfer of financial benefits such as (pensions/social security) in case of death, and the romantic fairytales ingrained in our society people will always want to get married by and large.
    A study was done in 2011 that showed 84% of all men had been married at least once by the time they reached age 45.
    I imagine of the 16% some of them were gay. Now that the "marriage equality act" is sweeping the nation we are likely to see MORE marriages taking place. People will always "entertain" or "desire" to have their relationships (validated) in a legal sense.

  5. suzettenaples profile image88
    suzettenaplesposted 10 years ago

    I understand your points and reasoning.  Perhaps at some point marriage will become passé.  I think it depends on the two people and what they are comfortable with.  Obviously the gay community thinks of is still relevant and important to society.  I think each person/couple must decide what is best for them and go from there.  Not being married is certainly acceptable today.

  6. DDE profile image44
    DDEposted 10 years ago

    Marriage  is a choice of each individual, long term marriages are mostly traditional in the time of today  it is meaningless to many couples and has become less entertaining, in my opinion couples shouldn't rush into making hasty decisions rather be together until they are  really sure of marrying each other commitment should be taken lightly. There is no perfect marriage but if couples can't stay together because of cheating on each other or from the lack communication and can't accept each other for the way they are then marriage shouldn't be considered.

  7. Gabriel Wilson profile image92
    Gabriel Wilsonposted 10 years ago

    When you calculate the number of broken families it does seem marriage is not working as well as it used to.
    I think people get caught up in the world of romance and marry quite quickly without giving their relationship time to grow. I also think people marry for the wrong reasons, perhaps it's time to take the party out of the wedding and put the contract between two people back in.
    I think there should be a proper engagement period too, that might help. And I think people should be made aware that a marriage is not easy, it's difficult to live with someone when the headiness of romance is replaced with dirty linen and hairy plug holes.
    In the past marriages were simple and both parties did their bit; these days everyone is so independent. No one needs anyone anymore. No one is prepared to put up a fight either and of course adultery seems to be accepted where as years ago adultery was a big deal and frowned upon.
    Maybe religion has something to do with it. People respected their religion and followed what they believed in the past. These days people don't care about the rules so to speak.
    I'd like to believe marriage is still important and not obsolete, but to be honest I don't relish the day my daughter comes home with a ring. I know I'll be thinking they better stay together if I have to pay for this and that's wrong, isn't it?

    1. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I understand and empathize with your thoughts.  I worry about my children and their future romances.  Marriage, like employment, seems less likely a long-term endeavor than in years past.

  8. lburmaster profile image73
    lburmasterposted 10 years ago

    It might be the norm to you, but a divorce is one of the worst insults to yourself. It means not just your partner, but you have failed. Marriages can last if you fight for them, if you have commitment. You have to work for it. Nothing good ever comes easy, but society claims we don't have to work, that everything will just drop in front of our laps and if you aren't happy you need to look elsewhere. As for your children getting married, that is a huge worry. The best you can do is help your child recognize who they want to spend the rest of their life with and how to work through relationships.
    After watching his parents divorce, my husband knew he only wanted to be married once. And growing up, I never thought there was any other way. Divorce didn't exist to me. Even though we have only been married for a few years, we still work through speed bumps that come up. Always try to work through it and giving up through divorce isn't an option.

    1. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure what u mean by "the norm to [me]..."  In my 1st marriage, I did everything to make it work. My wife refused sex, spending time w/me & would go weeks w/out a word.  It is not always both people at fault. She never remarried. I did.

    2. dashingscorpio profile image80
      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Human beings make mistakes in all areas of life including the selection of lovers and spouses. A divorce is nothing more than a public admission a "mistake" was mas made. Anyone happy in their 2nd  marriage did not fail. They learned. Failures quit!

    3. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      dashingscorpio, thanks for the kind words.

    4. lburmaster profile image73
      lburmasterposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      There were probably signs before you even got married. And no, I don't believe in those kind of mistakes. I'm always amazed when people say "I never noticed it before". Are we blind or just good at hiding our true selves?

    5. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      In my 1st marriage there were signs prior thereto.  I chose to ignore them.  My bad!  I learned from my mistakes & I have been happily married 20+ years now.

  9. Say Yes To Life profile image80
    Say Yes To Lifeposted 10 years ago

    Let's face it - the ideal situation in which to raise children is within a stable two parent household.  Therefore, marriage will never be obsolete. 
    There's a chance, also, that divorce is not as common as one would believe.  I already sent you a link on your other question about why so many marriages fail; here's another one:
    What statisticians don't take into account is that people who divorce tend to do so over and over.  For example, if you had 13 married people in a room who had never been divorced, that would make a 0% divorce rate.  But if Elizabeth Taylor entered the room, the divorce rate would skyrocket to 50%.  That doesn't mean half the people in the room have been divorced!
    I have noticed non-denominational churches are more likely to have "marriage mill" ministries (I will soon publish a true story about someone who went to one).  I believe the pressure to get married is a reason why they have the highest divorce rate.  They tend to see it as a status symbol, rather than a responsibility.
    Also, knowledge about how to relate to people and make a marriage work is a huge factor.  People in the Northeast are the most educated sector of America, whereas people in the South are the least.  I believe that's also the reason for the corresponding divorce rates.

    1. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      That is a valid point about repeat divorces.  I know several people who have remarried and divorced again.  Very smart observation.  I do not consider myself one stuck in traditions, but I agree a mom & a dad make for a better family than not.

    2. Say Yes To Life profile image80
      Say Yes To Lifeposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I have finally published my story.  It is called "Rhapsody & Remorse".  Here's the link: … t-of-Raven

    3. RealityTalk profile image61
      RealityTalkposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I received an email link from HubPages for Part II & III and I saved your link to Part I.  I hope to read them all soon.

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