If U witnessed the spouse of a close friend in an incriminating situation w/ som

Jump to Last Post 1-6 of 6 discussions (13 posts)
  1. fpherj48 profile image79
    fpherj48posted 23 months ago

    If U witnessed the spouse of a close friend in an incriminating situation w/ someone........

    clearly & boldly "cheating" on your friend, would you feel the need to inform that friend about this indiscretion you witnessed or not.?......in either case....WHY?

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/13336873_f260.jpg

  2. Ericdierker profile image46
    Ericdierkerposted 23 months ago

    The beauty of the dilemma should not be lost on anyone. Is either choice right or either choice wrong? I think it is the practical definition of a conundrum. And then you throw in this line interpreting love to mean all types of love; "to love or not to love that is the question...."
    The beauty of the dilemma is that one must not take two options to be all options. Outside the box as it were.
    Clearly you are best considering this as a three pronged step by step approach. 1st you notify the whory whore that they a wrecking a marriage and possibly children's lives. And that you will blow the problem wide open if he/she does not cut it off. 2nd you tell the scumbag spouse that they have one more visit to cut it off or you rat on them to your friend. If it is over you leave it alone. We can atone for our behavior only if we cease it and repent. But telling the innocent spouse about an affair that has ended is just pain causing. 3rd if it continues -- and you will pay some attention. You approach the spouse with the horrible news and have number for a marriage counselor and you have the easy forms from divorce court to fill out and serve.
    That is one hell of a lot of work. But don't you dare come swinging a higher morality if you are not willing to do the moral work yourself.

    Of course that is only the opinion of a man who counseled as a preacher and tried about a dozen divorce trials.
    (I did not mention that you take some time to curse God for putting this on your plate)

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 23 months agoin reply to this

      On this particular topic, my firm stand is that of  "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil."  That's a pool of quicksand I avoid at all costs!  Damned if we do and damned if we don't.....so why welcome the DRAMA?!  No Thanks!

    2. Ericdierker profile image46
      Ericdierkerposted 23 months agoin reply to this

      Paula, I was thinking about this more with today's more "progressive" bent. I suppose if they were young and married in 2010 there could be a whole different social/moral paradigm at play. Maybe it really is not evil.

  3. Marketing Merit profile image95
    Marketing Meritposted 23 months ago

    I find it difficult to generalise as regards what I would do, as it would depend upon how well I knew the friend and his or her spouse.
    However, my initial inclination would be to say nothing.

    The next approach would be to speak to the spouse and casually let him or her know that I was in the same locality as them, at the same time. This may well set alarm bells ringing, without having to confirm that I did indeed witness inappropriate behaviour.

    Only as a last resort would I inform my friend.

    I feel that it is important to ask what you truly hope to achieve by disclosing what you saw and not just do it out of a misguided sense of duty.

    Remember, it is human nature to end up resenting the person who imparts bad news. Hence, the "Don't shoot the messenger" expression. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Your friend may well suspect infidelity, but does not want it confirmed, especially by a close friend. It is also worth remembering that many people stray, but ultimately end up staying with their spouse. Consequently, "The Messenger" will probably be the one who is eventually ostracised.

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 23 months agoin reply to this

      Cheryl....You are one very wise woman!  smile

    2. Marketing Merit profile image95
      Marketing Meritposted 23 months agoin reply to this

      Thank you Paula!

  4. tamarawilhite profile image91
    tamarawilhiteposted 23 months ago

    Yes, I would tell my friend as long as the act was obvious like kissing in public. Two people just at lunch or talking, no.

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 23 months agoin reply to this

      Great common sense, Tamara!  I think situations vary and deserve contemplation.....

  5. dashingscorpio profile image86
    dashingscorpioposted 23 months ago

    https://usercontent2.hubstatic.com/13339255_f260.jpg

    "Clearly & boldly cheating" are the operative words!
    You'd definitely don't want to stir the pot without knowing something for sure. Also knowing the friend real well makes all the difference. They should know you're coming from a place of love and concern as oppose to taking some delight in proving they've been a fool for bragging how great their mate is.
    I'd tell my friend because I don't want them to be taken advantage of and also because I would want my friend to tell me as well.
    Having said that I also know sometimes couples stay together despite knowledge of cheating and "the messenger" is ends up left out in the cold. The betrayed person doesn't want their friend to look down on them for staying so they distance them self.
    The truth shall set you free!

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 23 months agoin reply to this

      Dashing.. As always UR advice is sound & sensible.Yrs ago,I faced this dilemma,& was silent.Couldn't bear 2 give a friend such crushing news. BUT if a friend discovers U knew & said nothing, they're upset w/ U anyway. Either way it's toug

  6. Old-Empresario profile image80
    Old-Empresarioposted 22 months ago

    If I saw a wife cheating on a husband in public, I would tell him. If I saw a husband cheating on his wife, I would tell my wife so that she could tell the cheated wife if she wanted. I don't know if that's right. But it's what I would do.

    1. fpherj48 profile image79
      fpherj48posted 22 months agoin reply to this

      Since you know you would want the victim spouse to know, it's a very good idea to have your wife speak to the woman!  Good thinking!

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)