If U witnessed the spouse of a close friend in an incriminating situation w/ som

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   fpherj48posted 7 years ago

   If U witnessed the spouse of a close friend in an incriminating situation w/ someone........
   
   clearly & boldly "cheating" on your friend, would you feel the need to inform that friend about this indiscretion you witnessed or not.?......in either case....WHY?
   
   

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   Ericdierkerposted 7 years ago

   The beauty of the dilemma should not be lost on anyone. Is either choice right or either choice wrong? I think it is the practical definition of a conundrum. And then you throw in this line interpreting love to mean all types of love; "to love or not to love that is the question...."
   The beauty of the dilemma is that one must not take two options to be all options. Outside the box as it were.
   Clearly you are best considering this as a three pronged step by step approach. 1st you notify the whory whore that they a wrecking a marriage and possibly children's lives. And that you will blow the problem wide open if he/she does not cut it off. 2nd you tell the scumbag spouse that they have one more visit to cut it off or you rat on them to your friend. If it is over you leave it alone. We can atone for our behavior only if we cease it and repent. But telling the innocent spouse about an affair that has ended is just pain causing. 3rd if it continues -- and you will pay some attention. You approach the spouse with the horrible news and have number for a marriage counselor and you have the easy forms from divorce court to fill out and serve.
   That is one hell of a lot of work. But don't you dare come swinging a higher morality if you are not willing to do the moral work yourself.
   
   Of course that is only the opinion of a man who counseled as a preacher and tried about a dozen divorce trials.
   (I did not mention that you take some time to curse God for putting this on your plate)

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      On this particular topic, my firm stand is that of  "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil."  That's a pool of quicksand I avoid at all costs!  Damned if we do and damned if we don't.....so why welcome the DRAMA?!  No Thanks!

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      Ericdierkerposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Paula, I was thinking about this more with today's more "progressive" bent. I suppose if they were young and married in 2010 there could be a whole different social/moral paradigm at play. Maybe it really is not evil.

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   Marketing Meritposted 7 years ago

   I find it difficult to generalise as regards what I would do, as it would depend upon how well I knew the friend and his or her spouse.
   However, my initial inclination would be to say nothing.
   
   The next approach would be to speak to the spouse and casually let him or her know that I was in the same locality as them, at the same time. This may well set alarm bells ringing, without having to confirm that I did indeed witness inappropriate behaviour.
   
   Only as a last resort would I inform my friend.
   
   I feel that it is important to ask what you truly hope to achieve by disclosing what you saw and not just do it out of a misguided sense of duty.
   
   Remember, it is human nature to end up resenting the person who imparts bad news. Hence, the "Don't shoot the messenger" expression. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. Your friend may well suspect infidelity, but does not want it confirmed, especially by a close friend. It is also worth remembering that many people stray, but ultimately end up staying with their spouse. Consequently, "The Messenger" will probably be the one who is eventually ostracised.

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Cheryl....You are one very wise woman! 

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      Marketing Meritposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Paula!

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   tamarawilhiteposted 7 years ago

   Yes, I would tell my friend as long as the act was obvious like kissing in public. Two people just at lunch or talking, no.

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Great common sense, Tamara!  I think situations vary and deserve contemplation.....

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   dashingscorpioposted 7 years ago

   
   
   "Clearly & boldly cheating" are the operative words!
   You'd definitely don't want to stir the pot without knowing something for sure. Also knowing the friend real well makes all the difference. They should know you're coming from a place of love and concern as oppose to taking some delight in proving they've been a fool for bragging how great their mate is.
   I'd tell my friend because I don't want them to be taken advantage of and also because I would want my friend to tell me as well.
   Having said that I also know sometimes couples stay together despite knowledge of cheating and "the messenger" is ends up left out in the cold. The betrayed person doesn't want their friend to look down on them for staying so they distance them self.
   The truth shall set you free!

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Dashing.. As always UR advice is sound & sensible.Yrs ago,I faced this dilemma,& was silent.Couldn't bear 2 give a friend such crushing news. BUT if a friend discovers U knew & said nothing, they're upset w/ U anyway. Either way it's toug

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   Old-Empresarioposted 7 years ago

   If I saw a wife cheating on a husband in public, I would tell him. If I saw a husband cheating on his wife, I would tell my wife so that she could tell the cheated wife if she wanted. I don't know if that's right. But it's what I would do.

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      fpherj48posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Since you know you would want the victim spouse to know, it's a very good idea to have your wife speak to the woman!  Good thinking!

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