For some people, it's the chemistry they feel when they are around the person. For others it's that feeling of familiarity. It's difficult to give a generic answer for a question like this. No two relationships are going to be alike. I'd argue that your feelings would tell you.
Try this, imagine that person not being in your life. How does that thought make you feel? Does it make you feel sad? Or could you imagine living without them? When a person is "the one", you can't imagine not having them be a part of your world. Life becomes a darker place without them.
If you can't wait to tell this person good news from your day, or share some funny thing that happened to you, or if you look to them for support -- they're the one.
Each of us (chooses) our friends, lovers, and spouse. Everyone has their own "mate selection process" or "must haves list".
In order for him/her to be "the one" they would have to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually wants to be with you!
When it comes to "romantic love" everyone has their own ideas about what love should "feel like", "look like" and how people "in love" should "act like".
Essentially we're all looking for someone to love us (the way) WE want to be loved.
Until that happens we're not going to (feel loved) regardless of what is in our mate's heart. This explains why people will often say to their mate: "If you loved me you would..."
However instead of "training someone" to love us a certain way we should set out to be with someone who (naturally) expresses love (the way we desire).
The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise.
Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!
Lastly our notion of an "ideal mate" or "the one" usually evolves over time. What we wanted at age 18 most likely will not be what we want at 28 or beyond. In fact no one should be considering getting married until they have done some serious introspective thinking to figure out who (they) are and what other things they want out of life. Marriage is only one aspect.
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