What is the best way to end a relationship that you feel is weighing you down?

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   cuttlerposted 11 years ago

   What is the best way to end a relationship that you feel is weighing you down?
   
   Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship and the only way out is the hard way? How would you go about ending such a relationship?

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   ronhiposted 11 years ago

   Am following this question because i need the answer too!

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The answers here are just amazing. Its just great how HP provides us with more than a writing platform but also some form of social meeting place.

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      lupineposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      ronhi - There is lot's of good advise here. Don't make it any harder for yourself or the person you want to break-up with. You will have to be strong and polite. Maybe they want to break-up to, but can't do it either.

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   Stina Caxeposted 11 years ago

   Well if you are my ex then apparently you don't speak to the person for two weeks while they worry about you and then you send an email saying you can't do this anymore and need to move on.
   
   I think the best way is probably to just straight up tell the person you are with that you don't feel happy in this relationship anymore and you think it would be better on the both of you if you split up.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I once tried breaking up with someone over email and it did not go down well. I think your second suggestion is much better, though it is the hardest coz then one has to deal with the tears and heartbreak firsthand. Thanks for the suggestion.

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   JThomp42posted 11 years ago

   My friend it is so hard to hurt someone. One of the hardest things to do. I would take the noble route and just be totally honest. It's not going to be easy, but in the long run it will be better for both of you. Good luck my friend!

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Tell me about it...the worst part of it is coming out as the bad guy...but it's for the best. No point living a lie, right?

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      JThomp42posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Exactly my friend. That is not healthy for either of you.

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   ChristinSposted 11 years ago

   You have to be honest and have a tough conversation.  Tell the person that you feel you are just not compatible and that you feel it would be best to move on and explore other possibilities.  Wish them happiness and work to be amicable about it.  I would suggest honesty, be kind but direct.  "I'm sorry, but this relationship is not working for me because of ___________"
   
   It may be painful, but not doing the right thing or just leaving the person to wonder is even more painful.  Best to do it the right way so that both parties are able to move forward in the best way possible.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      The right way....always the hard way...but the best way. Am still summing up enough strength to do it and I totally agree with you that honesty is the right way to go...hard, but right. Thanks for sharing you thoughts.

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   duffsmomposted 11 years ago

   Honesty really is the best policy.  While is it hard, and very uncomfortable, it has to be done.  Don't take the cowardly route and say the standard, it's not you, it's me.
   
   Sit down, tell them you are grateful for the good times but your feelings have changed and to be fair to everyone, you need to move on. Look them right in the eyes, take their hand and tell them the absolute truth.
   
   You will both - eventually - be better for it.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Duffsmom...always hard to break up with someone but sometimes it is for the better....thanks again for your suggestion...I highly appreciate it

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   dashingscorpioposted 11 years ago

   The simple answer is you need to end the relationship. Life is too short to be wasting your time as well as your mate's time.
   Among the reasons why people delay ending relationships is because they don't want to come off as being "the bad guy". The truth is nobody laughs when they get dumped! Therefore stop worrrying about how (you) may look.
   Another reason is they are waiting for a "good or right" time to break the news. There's nothing like feeling great and having someone burst your balloon. There never is a "perfect time" to shock someone with a breakup!
   Essentially the first thing you need to do is anticiapte how the person might react to the news. Too often people have been physically hurt or killed because of a breakup. No one believes it could happen to them. Men in particular do not consider it a possibility. See what happened to Travis Alexander. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article … hower.html
   The next thing is be prepared to be (done and gone) after the conversation. In other words if you have stuff at your mate's place you want to either gradually remove it or box everything up  and load it into your car before having the conversation. If you have things of theirs make sure you bring them. It's best to breakup at their place for two reasons. 1. After you say what needs to be said you can leave. 2. You don't want to force them to drive home or wherever while upset.
   Keep the conversation short and to the point. Do NOT send any mixed signals such as trying to comfort the person or offer the "instant friendship" life line. Exes need time apart before they can become true platonic friends.
   Don't get sucked into a "blame game" or heated argument. If you truly have made up your mind there is nothing to fight about.
   Be honest: "I have given this a lot of thought and I've decided it's best that I move on." Expect to be asked "Why?" There is no answer you could give that would put a smile on their face or cause them to believe you made the "right decision". The only real answer to the (why) question is "I'm not happy being in this relationship." Their goal is to get you to list some reasons so they can tell you how they will "change" or offer ways to make the relationship work.
   Expect to be accused of "cheating". No one wants to believe they were dumped without something underhanded taking place. Stick to your guns and say good-bye.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      This is truly great advice. Thank you for taking your time for this. I have taken into what u have shared and I think I can avoid a bad scenario by following most of your advice. This answer is a gem. Thank you for sharing

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      dashingscorpioposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Cuttler, You're welcome! Best of luck!

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   ReneeDC1979posted 11 years ago

   I would say end it.  You have to do it sometime.    Why keep putting yourself through agony, pain, sadness, hurt, whatever your feelings for the sake of sparing the other person?  You have to be happy also.  Sometimes we hold on hoping things will change.  Sometimes we hold on for the fear of being alone.  Sometimes we hold on because of the fear of the unknown (how will they react?, will I regret it later?, now what?)  But, you have to come to grips with the fact that the relationship has changed and it may not get better - it may only get worse.  Put on your grown-up pants and have a healthy adult talk with the other person.  Let them know how you feel and move on.  I read a fellow hubbers advice on relationships and a great line of advice she gave was tell the other person, "I am not the right person for you."  That way you take the blame off of them and change the situation to we need to find the right person for us.  And don't worry, it will be okay.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Renee...my only hope is that we can leave it on good terms of understanding and mutual respect towards each other. Actually the questions you mentioned have been running in my mind but I think its about time I stood my ground. Thanks again

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      ReneeDC1979posted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Anytime.  Believe me, I've asked myself those a few times.  I think that is why it was so easy to answer the question.  I wish you well, whatever your decision.

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   lburmasterposted 11 years ago

   I had a similar situation where I thought the situation was already over. He had moved away, we "lost" touch, problem solved. Then he moved back a few years later. I'd considered telling him to leave me alone and came very close on a few occasions. But the best way is to almost whipe yourself off the map. This isn't usually possible if that person is someone you constantly see at work, church, or school. But it's easy to block someone on facebook and block all their calls, yet harder to stay away from their social groups.

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      cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks Iburmaster...I just hate to think of how it would be if I broke up with her only for her to bump into her everyday at work. Lucky for me we are worlds apart and I can easily go off grid from her and wait it out. Thanks again

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10. 68

    lupineposted 11 years ago

    The best way to do anything, in this case, end a relationship, is JUST DO IT! Don't think of it as "hard", it is hard for you to keep thinking about it. Just tell yourself it will be easy and you will feel better after. Just be to the point and do it calmly, don't be rude to the other person either...if you are ending the relationship, you are beyond any further detailed discussion. Good Luck!

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       cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thanks. U have it up very well. I agree that I have been racking my brains too hard about this whole thing. It would so much easier if I just took the high road and ended it as it is. thanks again for sharing.

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       lupineposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       cuttler - you are very welcome! Did you ever think that maybe she no longer wants to be in a relaltionship, but doesn't know how to tell you?

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    CrescentSkiesposted 11 years ago

    "Sorry but I can't see you anymore, we're two different people and we're walking way different paths."
    
    I guess I'd say something like this? But then again I lack all sense of tact so I might say it like
    
    "It's not you it's me...I don't like you."
    
    I guess you never know until it happens...I really hope I say the first one cause the second will make me feel like a total prick

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       cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       True, the dynamics of this situation can really change. One minute you are reading the breakup speech n before you know it the speech turns from breakup to reconciliation.

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    Escobanaposted 11 years ago

    Ending a relationship is tough, period! I ended mine recently because it WAS weighing me down more than I could bare.
    
    I'm talking about a long-distance relationship with someone who took his distance step by step. How to end such a relationship?
    
    By Whatsapp! Seriously, because he never picked up his phone anymore. Was it the right way? No, but there is no right or wrong when you break up with someone, as long as you are honest and polite in your words.
    
    More importantly is this....I feel I can breath again since I took the decision. I've released myself from the suffocating feeling I experienced, for having to suck up another failure and for having stepped away from total insecurity.
    
    And breathing in all honesty my friend, is worth much more than getting stuck in any relationship. Life is too dam beautiful to see time ticking by in an unhappy relationship.
    
    Good luck though. You're the only one who knows how and when.

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       cuttlerposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       Thank you so much for your kind words. I can't wait to get this heavy load off my back and breath a sigh of relief. For long I have feared what it will do to her but in the end I realised that if am not happy then I can't make her happy. Thanks again

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       Escobanaposted 11 years agoin reply to this

       You're very welcome. I really hope you'll be able to breath a sigh of relief as soon as possible....

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    lovish09posted 11 years ago

    Nothing can get better if both male and female try, understand and respect the circumstances at that time but this is not what happens generally. Stop contacting the person , BLOCK him/her from social sites can be one of the best possible ways of NOT remembering him/her.

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    AbFreak101posted 11 years ago

    Send them a Text message on a late night out

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    platinumOwl4posted 11 years ago

    The first question you must ask is why is this relationship weighting on you . Once you can answer that question, then you can have a lite lunch or dinner and present your case to the person in question. Constantly reminding yourself that the person in deeply involved in this relationship. He or she in a valuable gem you don't want to destroy them mentally or emotionally.

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    frumpletonposted 8 years ago

    Well, if you have given this other person chances to change their ways and they still don't, then it's time to move on.  I was in a relationship for 22 years with a man who only worked one year.  I paid for everything.  (stupid me).  I finally got fed up when he wanted to smoke his dope and take a nap all the time and expect me to do all the other work.  I told him I was leaving.  He could come with me or not.  He chose to stay where we had been living in a logging camp.  No running water, or electricity.  I used to shovel a very long driveway by hand (unmaintained road) as well as the path to get water at the stream (which I had to lug) and to the outhouse.  You just have to give them a choice.  I loved him but couldn't live with him anymore.  Tell the person you are not satisfied with the way things are working out.  Give them a chance and if that fails, then say "Goodbye"

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