so confused, and dont know what to do?

Jump to Last Post 1-6 of 6 discussions (11 posts)
  1. tperkins-tyler profile image60
    tperkins-tylerposted 6 years ago

    I'm so confused. My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs now, together for 10 total. He is my best friend. We have a nice life together and I do believe that we are closer than we've ever been. However, last year at this time, I found out he had been flirting online with other women and although that has stopped, something else has taken its place. He is so focused on hobbies, dreams of projects and such that its almost like those "things" are his mistress now. I love him and support his dreams. And by the way, our sex life is and has always been awesome. So as you can see..I'm confused. Any good advise to help me out there?  What am I doing wrong?

    1. couturepopcafe profile image61
      couturepopcafeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Why do you think you're doing something wrong? It's not wrong for your husband to want to grow in his dreams. The fact that you're not involved is what's really bothering you. You feel isolated. Maybe engage him in conversation about those hobbies, etc., and thus become part of it.

      1. tperkins-tyler profile image60
        tperkins-tylerposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        His dreams and hobbies are all we ever talk about. Period. He doesn't ask about my day..because he is too involved in himself to care about nothing but that. He never asks about my day..and if he did..he would be too pre-occupied on the internet to stop and listen. I have many hobbies of my own..because I feel alone in this relationship. If I were to stop giving to "us" he would ask what is wrong? And if I told him the truth, it would end in an argument because he doesn't. Want to hear about reality. So now what?

        1. couturepopcafe profile image61
          couturepopcafeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          It takes two sides to argue. What do you do when you "stop giving to us"? When he asks what's wrong, tell him you are filling your time with something that interests you. Nothing more. Do it with a smile. When he drifts away, he'll either come back because you're not there or he'll not come back. Either way, you win because you'll have your sanity, integrity, self-respect and the truth.

          The idea is to do what interests you not to cause a wedge between you and your husband. If the marriage is what interests you, then you have to decide to support him. Ask him what you can do to help him grow his new business or whatever it is he's doing.

  2. Pearldiver profile image80
    Pearldiverposted 6 years ago

    It more than likely doesn't help that you prefer to travel incognito! smile

  3. Disturbia profile image60
    Disturbiaposted 6 years ago

    Maybe after 10 years of being together, he just wants some space.  Perhaps you should find some hobbies or projects of your own.

    1. tperkins-tyler profile image60
      tperkins-tylerposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      My husband does what he wants to do. Which means he has more "space" than most in this marriage. I do have my own hobbies.... but I didn't go into this marriage hoping for a separate life without my husband. Living as roomates until sexual needs have to met. I'm just explaining our situation. Not complaining.

      1. Disturbia profile image60
        Disturbiaposted 6 years agoin reply to this

        Yes, I understand, he's just not there... not physically, not emotionally, and he brings nothing to the table, but if you were to point this out to him, he would be surprised, because I bet if you asked him, he would say he is a pretty good husband.

  4. pharuk temmy t profile image37
    pharuk temmy tposted 6 years ago

    You are not confused is just that you are only feeling insecure. Just continue supporting him like you have been doing...everything is fine.

  5. Randy Godwin profile image93
    Randy Godwinposted 6 years ago

    You've certainly come to the right place!  HP has some of the best armchair psychologists and marriage counselors on any writing site.  roll


  6. Joyfreak profile image68
    Joyfreakposted 6 years ago

    I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Just support his hobbies and interests, show him that you care about his projects and stuff. And not to forget that people change and 10 years is a long time and as some people also said he may need some free space. Why don't you find some hobby just for yourself. Good luck!


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)