- Gender and Relationships»
Can We Get An End Date?
Should couples be able to end marriage before they get married?
Newly married? Or, have you been married for several years? Another question ~ Is there ever a time you looked at your current spouse and thought , 'Did I really marry this person? Is he, or she, the man, or woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?
That exact premise is what Mexico most likely is basing its new proposed law on. What possible law you ask? If you've not heard about this proposal, get in line to learn more! The newly proposed law will allow couples who will be married, or who have been married for at least two years, to decide whether or not their union should stay intact, or if it should simply end. Mexico has divorce rates close to 60% and needed to come up with something.
How could it work when often, in legal divorce proceedings, there are arguments about alimony, custody, child support, etc. It is very overwhelming and defeating to both people involved. Before marrying partners ever took vows, both parties would have to sign an agreement, determining general areas covered in divorce proceedings. So if later, upon reflection , the couple decided to call it Splitsville, they'd have no reason to go to court and the marriage would just end. Simply end as if it had never been.
Is this crazy or what?
Some ask, if the couple chooses to end their marriage, wouldn't that just be like a divorce? Doesn't '2-1=1', translated, when two people end 1 union, doesn't that mean there is 1 broken relationship?
NPR Radio, out of Alabama, had this story on its broadcast a few days back. I was sitting on the bed, of course reading hub pages, and after listening to the broadcast, I had to chuckle. I chuckled because I just knew 'She' was looking down on the world, into Alabama, and shaking her head. 'She'd' made the world so men and women could join together, procreate and live in peace and harmony. Mexico's law, proposed or not, was against Her wisdom and ways. (So yes, I am having a chuckle now thinking about the expressions my refering to that higher power as She might be getting! But don't get in a spin, things are constantly changing these days, hence marriage as well!)
So despite the fact that Mexico may be a most liberal country, up on allowing legalized abortions and giving same sex marriages the go ahead, marriage as an institution shouldn't be a contracted union. Two people are supposed to enter into a union with love, expectation, and openness; with a willingness to work extraordinarily hard to succeed.
So how does a couple stay together, like the grandfathers and grandmothers we read, or hear about from family members who know their stories? It won't hurt to take a look at what makes a marriage a lasting one.
Marriage is an art. It is a piece of work that is constantly seen as different in the eyes of one looking in. Seemingly effortless, it is like the Mona Lisa in that it can be timeless as a compositon belieing what most come to know a marital relationship as. Yet, with all this said, it is hard work, a union of two people different in every aspect who decide to come together as one. In this time we live in, it is not just heterosexual, it is also same sex.
When entering into this union, there are five important attributes needed to make the relationship rock solid and whole. Without these, the relationship withers and falls away, becoming a good candidate for that proverbial 'end date' Mexico may soon put in place.
Or Self Love. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see an individual with high self esteem? Is the person you see one who has challenged his/herself to be a better person? Is the person seen in control of their affairs, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically? Being aware of who you are, knowing your strengths and weakness, knowing you can take care of self in a pinch make you a strong candidate for marriage. By being the latter, your partner grasps the mature man, or woman you are within and knows they can trust and count on you. They know you will respect them for knowng their own boundaries and limitations.
Marriage is not only a union, it is a friendship, two people coming together because they genuinely like each other. As friends, you want to know what his thoughts are, you want to figure out what her most favorite dish is and together a stroll at the park followed by a picnic on the grass happens to be THE popular destination with the two of you. Being friends sometimes gets one sided, and no doubt there will be disagreements, but true marriage partners who are friends will understand sometimes you have to agree to disagree and go on with life. True friendship within the union garners respect, aids the growth of loyalty, and elicits a level of satisfaction that lets you both know you 'got the right one, baby!'
Many will try to convince you that you have to be equally yoked, or of the same religious belief as the individual you jump the broom with. Possibly that is true, but even if each person in the marriage is of a different religious persuasion, the tie that binds them together is a level of spirituality. It is what underlines your togetherness with a deep connecting vibe, and makes each of you feel at peace with one another and thus the world around you. Spirituality is, of all things, the 'glue' that can hold the marriage together.
I once asked my Grandmother Sarah what made her marriage work for so many years. She told me she'd known my grandfather for a very long time, before they married in their teen years. She expressed to me there came a time when her intended's uncle became sick and he had to go to South Carolina to care for him. Before he left, my Grandfather Edward gave my grandmother a stick of gum and told her he'd be back to marry her. She never ate that stick of gum, but kept it under her pillow awaiting the day he returned. They each demonstrated determination in this simple love story shared. My grandfather was determined to be with her and so told her so by giving her that piece of gum; she was determined to marry him and so she chose not to eat that gum so he'd return. They were married for over 30 years before his death. Determination, will power, call it what you may, you;ve got to have it as part of the package to move forward in life together.
It's just a word, yet to be resigned, to give in, to admit you aren't always the partner in the union with the answer sometimes evokes a powerlessness ego often wants not to relish. Yet resignation is a tool that is adequately used when a disagreement turns left, it is the harbinger which allows peace to slither into place when the air becomes tense. Resignation allows both parties in the marriage union to breathe, take a clear look at the situation developing and move away from hurtful words, behavior. It might even be the key which allows reflection by the partners, thus prompting ubiquitous laughter. To resign oneself, is to love your partner enough to move forward, leaving all the hurt and unhealthiness behind.
I leave you . . . with these five attributes, to love and serve each other in Her Peace!
Now can I get a witness?
Copyright © 2011 Satice James, All Rights Reserved