What to Look for in a Christian Wife. Finding the Proverbs 31 Woman, and How Not to Lose Her.

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate." ~Barnett R. Brickner

"A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time." ~Anne Taylor Fleming

"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." ~Doug Larson

How I found my Proverbs 31 wife

When I'm asked how I find my wife I answer it much differently than the person asking the question originally thinks. I didn't meet her at a bar, or a social setting.I didn't meet her at work or at the gym. I didn't meet her on an online dating service. None of these ways are wrong, in fact I have dear friends that found their spouses in a few of these places.The time was right for them and the meetings were often times romantic. They endorse these places and live a happy and healthy marriage. But that's not where I found my wife.

I counsel many young men and women looking for that right mate. Some feel pressured because of their age or circumstance. Some feel the stress of the expectations of friends and family. Some just have the urge to merge. These are all dangerous reasons to look for a spouse and definitely not the right way to find a Proverbs 31 woman.

So here it is the first relational tip I'm going to reveal in this Hub. I found my wife, when I wasn't really looking for one. I was busy pursuing other interests and so was she. We found each other at the same time in a place of like interest. We met while we were at church. That's right we met at church. Then we began meeting on purpose at church. That led to us beginning to minister together at church and we still go to church together.

This is the second secret - in order to find her - you need to know what you're looking for.

This is what we'll be looking at in the remainder of this article

• The Proverbs 31 woman from scripture.
• A teaching on the character traits and qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman
• I'll share how I've been able to not lose my wife.
• Some resources I strongly recommend for your marriage.

We see in these scriptures that the Proverbs 31 woman is incredibly diverse. She makes herself available to her God, her husband, family, and community. Her character is so refined that she raises the bar to all Christian wives as well as the husbands that love them. Let me share with you how I teach these scriptures.

• Her husband trusts her and she blesses him. (vs 11-12)
  
• She is an entrepreneur. (vs 13-14)
  
• She manages the household with grace and flair. (vs 15)
  
• She is an active business woman and manager. (vs 13-16)
  
• She is full of life and energy.
  (vs 17)
  
• She is a woman of integrity and honesty. (vs 18-19)
  
• She is constantly multitasking.
  (vs 17-19)
  
• She helps the poor and needy.
  (vs 20)
• She is a visionary and looks to the future. (vs 21)
  
• She is thrifty, creative and a financial steward. (vs 22)
• Her husband is famous and she is OK with his authority. (vs 23)
• Again she is an entrepreneur and business woman. (vs 24)
• She radiates strength and balanced independence. (vs 25)
• She has a deep sense of humor and doesn't take life or herself too seriously. (vs 25)
  
• She is wise and teaches with kindness. (vs 26)
  
• She knows her house and guards it always. She lets in no evil.
  (vs 27)
  
• Her children know and see her greatness. (vs 28)
  
• Her husband deeply loves and respects her and shares this view to her and to those he meets.
  (vs 28-29)
  
• The chapter closes with a reminder that physical beauty does not last. (vs 30)
  
• The best character trait is saved for last: The highest quality in a woman is her devotion to God. She is rewarded and blessed publicly. (vs 30-31)
  
  

"A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." ~Ruth Bell Graham

"Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence." ~Author Unknown

Proverbs 31: 10-31 (NLT)

A Wife of Noble Character

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

¹³ She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
¹⁴ She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.

¹⁹ Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warmclothes.

²² She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
²³ Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
²⁴ She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.

²⁸ Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
³¹ Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

"While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages." George Barna

I'll break it down for those looking for the quick answer. Here are my big secrets in bullet point form: (I've used these for years, they form my attitude and work well in my marriage.)

• Happy wife, happy life.
• Every problem in your marriage is solved by you turning to God - and letting Him change you.
  
• Love your wife the way she needs you to love her, not how you think she wants to be.
• Be a student of your wife, understand her, care for her, believe in her.
• Don't forget how goofy you were before she met you.
• Marriage is a commitment. Every day, in every way, all the time even when you don't feel like it.
  

Conclusion

• Finding a Proverbs 31 woman in most cases will happen when you first know what you're looking for.
• Not losing her happens when you continue to work on yourself and let God make you into the man He wants you to be. It flows down from there.
• My last secret in this Hub - you have a great responsibility to love your wife. Don't take it lightly. It requires a radical view on how important she is. You are to love her to the extreme like the love Jesus showed to the church - even to death. It's that important!
  

Resources

• Here is the link to my Hub "An Answer to Marriage Counseling - How you can save your marriage".
• I also recommend this Hub I wrote "Healthy Relationships between fathers and their daughters - how to raise teenage girls."

There are many great resources to help you live out a happy Christian marriage and relationship. I have listed a few below the comment box. Browse and click on the ones that you think may be of interest. The investment into the future of your marriage is well worth it.

Leave me a comment and I'd love to continue the conversation with you.

You do have a choice which woman you marry and you do have a choice whether you will stay married to her or not.

And ladies - you have a choice too. You are a daughter of the King. You deserve the best your Father in heaven has to offer. So be encouraged.

-Todd

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