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God: Hey Jews.
God: So listen guys, I'm thinking we go in a different direction with this whole religion.
God: You know, do a non-gritty reboot. Same God taste, new God packaging. That sort of thing.
Jews: We don't follow.
God: Okay, work with me here guys. Remember the whole angry God' thing?
God: Where I killed a whole bunch of you and-
God: And forty years in the-
Jews: We remember that.
God: Not to mention Robo-Hitler. Yikes.
Jews: Wait, what?
God: Whoops, forget I said that. "Spoiler Alert", am I right?
God: Anyway, we're going to re-work this whole God- thing. For example, kid-friendly is big these days in religion.
Jews: So, like...?
God: For example, I'm super chill now, for some reason. Plus there's a heaven. Oh, and this is Jesus. He's my son, and he's God too, or something. It's complicated, ok?
Jews: I think we'll stick with the old one here.
God:Look, I love the brand loyalty Jews, I really do. But this whole God- thing isn't playing to the right demographics. Jesus is a hip, young God, you know, for the whole A.D.- generations.
Jesus: Surfs up, dudes!
God: Ha, that Jesus. What a character, right? This is going to play huge in Rome
Jews: This goes against everything you've ever told us.
God: No it doesn't, so just shut up. Also, Jesus, you're going to die.
Jesus: What? I thought I was your son! Or God. Or both!
God: Look, this is just complicated, okay Jesus? Besides, you totally return when you fight the Devil.
God: Right, he's another new character. He's like an evil God. Plot twist, right? We're arch enemies.
Jesus: Why would you make your own arch-enemy? That's really stupid.
God: Shut up, Jesus. And what would you know? You're made of bread and wine.
Jesus: What? Why?
God: Sponsorships, alright? New testaments aren't cheap.
Jews: I'm sorry, this is just way too different. Is this your fan-fiction or something?
God: Of course not. This is the logical progression of Judaism which I planned all along. Like when I made all those references to a lamb.
Jews: You made, like, five.
God: Well, they were all about Jesus. Foreshadowing. Um, I guess. So there.
Jews: Couldn't you have been clearer then?
God: I work in mysterious ways, okay? Look, just go with it guys. I worked really hard on this. And come on, you totally owe me for the whole 'creation' thing anyway.
Most Jews: Well, I guess we could.
God: Awesome! 'Most Jews', aka 'New Christians'-
New Christians: We're what now?
God: You won't regret this guys, I have the whole thing planned perfectly
Holy Ghost: Oooooooooh!
New Christians: ...
God: You're going to love it.
It sounds soooooo logical! The new book is so much nicer about sending people to hell!
Blasphemy, I can't stay here, lightning is sure to strike. Grow Up!
by Truly Different6 years ago
"Why don't Jews believe in Jesus?"Every time I come from Israel to visit my friend here in USA, I am asked this question by certain people. I always answer that Jews do not deny existence of Jesus, they just...
by Captain Redbeard2 years ago
I just read a post from someone stating that Christianity is based on the Bible which stands to reason, "If Christianity is based off the bible then that means it would have never come to furition since the book...
by Brenda Durham7 years ago
Matthew 28: 11-15:"Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and showed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.And when they were assembled with the elders, and had...
by Peeples5 years ago
Was Jesus, in the Christian bible, a Jew?If so then why aren't Christians Jewish? I have been doing a lot of studying about the Jewish and Christian faiths over the last few days and am confused at how so many...
by Arthur Bundy6 years ago
May this post find you well and your heat at peace.Why is that they still don't know how to get along?
by Irfan6 years ago
I'm interested to know more about the Holy Ghost ... I have nothing against the Holy Ghost but once i know more i may have extra questions... please try to reply with quality not quantity.thanks.
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