Fixing the Slammy's: 2015 Edition.
Disclaimer and Explanation.
I actually did this last year.
If you feel like looking that over, you can... here.
First off, I need to explain something.
If you voted for the Slammy's, it had about as much impact as a WWE app poll.
You feel involved.
You feel like you had a say.
But really, they decide who gets the awards long before you know about them.
It was pretty convenient that Seth Rollins just happened to be there to accept the Slammy for Superstar of the Year. it's almost like he knew he had to make an appearance.
"Well, he knew he was nominated."
Oh cool. So where were Brock Lesnar and Undertaker?
How come they already had a segment prepared for the R-Truth/Steve Harvey gag? It's like... They knew who was gonna win.
It's funny that the one year they gave out the "Pipe Bomb of the Year" Slammy, it went to CM Punk... Who coined the term...
Yeah. The Slammy's are Kayfabe too. I'm sorry.
THEY'RE STILL REAL TO ME DAMMIT.
And now for the disclaimer.
I am not a magic wizard who decides what is or isn't true in the universe.
Just because I say what I'm about to say does not make it true or any differing opinions wrong.
If you disagree, I welcome your debates.
Hero In All of Us.
Original Winner- John Cena
My Winner- John Cena.
Let's be honest here...
This award was made up for John Cena.
Seriously, what are the other guys nominated for?
Okay, Titus won "Dad of the year" from whomever, but... honestly? I just remember that because of the hilarious take the New Day had on it.
The Big show? Was it for getting destroyed by Brock Lesnar?
Natalya? I guess it's rough being the "weird one" on Total's Divas...
Honorable Mention- The WWE Universe.
Because it takes a real hero to sit through some of the nonsense they've put on television.
Celebrity Moment of the Year.
The cast of "Entourage" introduces Zack Ryder, Kevin Owens powerbombs MGK off the stage, Jon Stewart gets involved in John Cena's match at SummerSlam, Wayne Rooney slaps King Barrett on Raw, Stephen Amell dives onto Stardust at SummerSlam.
Original Winner- Stephen Amell dives onto Stardust at SummerSlam
My Winner- Kevin Owens powerbombs MGK off the stage.
I really did love the match between Amell/Neville and Stardust/Barrett but... I also love Amell. I'm an avid watcher of Arrow, and was excited to see an actor that I enjoy watching on a show that I also enjoy watching.
But if you don't watch Arrow, what did this segment mean?
An actor you've never heard of in a tag team match with two guys who haven't won a significant match... ever?
Stewart turning heel on Cena was hilarious, and easily a close second. Considering the match was for the two most coveted titles in the company, in "one" of the "main events" and it had an impact on the outcome, it was pretty great, but...
Nothing beats Owens powerbombing MGK. Like him or not (I don't), MGK is famous worldwide, and for Kevin Owens to actually powerbomb him during the heigh of his push... it was just too awesome.
The other moments weren't even worth mentioning.
Honorable Mention- Jon Stewart "lowblows" Seth Rollins.
Come on! How do you have Stewart interfering with Rollins' match without including the hilarious backstory!
Remember when Rollins set up a parody of Stewart's set, had Jon on, and he hit him in the plumes during the build to Wrestlemania? It was awesome!
How does the stupidity of an uninterested Entourage cameo make the list but this doesn't?
"Tell Me You Didn't Just Say That" Moment of the Year.
Dean Ambrose calls Seth Rollins “Justin Bieber”
Seth Rollins calls Johnny Manziel “Johnny Idiot Face”
Seth Rollins disses Kane while celebrating The Authority’s WrestleMania accomplishments Paige spoils Charlotte’s Divas Championship celebration
Original Winner- Brock Lesnar coins "Suplex City" at Wrestlemania.
My Winner- Seth Rollins calls Johnny Manziel "Johnny Idiot Face".
"Suplex City" was great, but let's be honest, him saying it did little to get it over. The Raw-After-Mania crowd will chant literally anything, and it was the mad genius, Paul Heyman that got the line over.
Ambrose's "Justin Bieber" joke outlived "You Sold Out", which if you think about it, is pretty freakin' incredible.
Seth Rollins telling Kane that "Kane... well... he was there!" was funny, but it was also a bit contrived and obviously building up towards their... underwhelming "Hell in a Cell" match.
Don't get me started on Paige's heel promo. It was so derivative of what AJ Lee did a few years ago, and is absolutely pukeworthy considering that Paige didn't mean anything she said. Don't act like a bitchy heel when anyone can see you and the Bella's be besties on the E! channel.
Considering that Rollins was at the height of his heelishness, and that this line was improvised, Rollins deserves all the credit in the world. He was glancing over the crowd, noticed the infamous Man-ziel, and ripped off a zinger that got mainstream attention.
Honorable Mention- Booker T makes an awful Owen Hart joke
Yeah... Remember that?
They were comparing Owen Hart and Adrian Neville, and without thinking, Booker said "Yeah, well gravity didn't forget Owen Hart"
A pretty terrible joke considering that Owen Hart fell to his death in a WWE ring.
Extreme Moment of the Year.
Seth Rollins breaks John Cena’s nose
The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar get into a massive brawl
Luke Harper powerbombs Dean Ambrose through a ladder at WrestleMania 31.
Neville’s “Money” diving crossbody off the ladder
Original Winner- Roman Reigns levels The League of Nations & Triple H at TLC.
My Winner- Luke Harper powerbombs Dean Ambrose through a ladder at Wrestlemania 31.
While Seth Rollins breaking Cena's nose was pretty crazy, I don't think it was intentional, and honestly, should be considered a botch.
Neville does so many crazy things, that honestly, this spot... is hard to remember.
Wow. Just had to hand Roman a Slammy, didn't they? Attacking HHH was cool, but extreme? Really?...
While the "powerbomb through a ladder" spot has been done a million times, that didn't make this one any less devastating.
Honorable Mention- Finn Balor hits the "Coups De Gras" off a ladder.
I know, I know, only main roster crap makes the roster, but this spot was pretty awesome.
Tag Team of the Year.
You know what?
How about nominopes.
How about nah?
How stupid do you have to be?
Original "winner"- The Usos.
Actual Winner- The New Day.
What a terrible botch job. Seriously. Seriously? Not only do you not give it to the tag team that has carried your stupid show for months, but you give it to a team that missed seven months and haven't even been tag champs in recent memory?
Kevin Dunn, you should feel bad.
Like seriously bad.
Like airport seafood bad.
Like undercooked eggo waffle bad.
Like WWE World Heavyweight Sheamus bad.
Honorable Mention- Anyone in NXT.
Same as before. It doesn't apply, but you've gotta love that "developmental" tag division.
Breakout Star of the Year.
Original Winner- Neville.
My Winner- Kevin Owens
Let's play a game.
Carried by a faction, derivative heel turn, lackluster title run.
Pay per view win over Dolph Ziggler, Smackdown loss to Titus O'Neil.
Carried by a faction, win over four old guys, loss to two old guys.
First man eliminated in pre-show traditional Survivor Series match.
Clean win over John Cena, intercontinental champion, blocked by Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Twitter.
You tell me who broke out this year.
Honorable Mention- Xavier Woods.
True, Woods has been on the roster for quite some time, but this year, he really came into his own. As the manager/mouthpiece of THE hottest thing in pro wrestling, he's really broken out and had a chance to shine. So... here's something.
Diva of the Year
Original Winner- Nikki Bella.
My Winner- Nikki Bella.
I know, I know, this sucks, but... the reality is... she was champ all year. She's carried the belt and been the most prominent woman in any position in the company. I'd love to give it to Sasha, because Sasha is bae, but she still hasn't really done anything on the main roster. The reality is that the Diva's revolution was a massive failure. They didn't build any individuals, they just made crappy factions, buried Becky Lynch, turned Paige heel, and substituted a woman who only had the title because of her love life for someone who only has the title because of her home life.
Honorable Mention- DID I MENTION NXT AT ALL?
Since none of the main roster Diva's have noticeable video. Enjoy this.
- Former WWE Diva AJ Lee Just Landed Her First Book Deal | UPROXX
AJ Lee will open up about her time in WWE in her new memoir.
Match of the Year.
John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins at the Royal Rumble.
Sting vs. Triple H at Wrestlemania 31,
John Cena vs. Kevin Owens at Elimination Chamber
Roman Reigns vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens vs. Alberto Del Rio
The Undertaker vs Brock Lesnar at Hell in a Cell.
Original Winner- The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar at Hell in a Cell.
My Winner- John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar vs. Seth Rollins at the Royal Rumble.
Ah yes, any chance to put Brock over, let's take it.
The match was fine. It was even good. Ripping the mat so that the wood is exposed? Genius.
But at that point, that feud was so tired. It was boring.
Brock, Rollins, and Cena all came out looking strong, and they all had great spots.
Furthermore, this match elevated Rollins to a believable main eventer.
He didn't look out of place in a match with Cena and Brock, something you can say for so very few of today's superstars.
Triple H and Sting...
It was a spotfest.
It really was.
For me, when i think of that match, two things come to mind.
1- All the interference from WCW guys, because even DX were in WCW at one point.
2- Why the hell did HHH win?
If Ambrose, Bray Wyatt, and Sting had a triple threat at Mania, does anyone win?
And while Owens/Cena was incredible... we remember it mostly because someone beat Cena clean, not the match itself.
Honorable Mention- Seth Rollins vs. Adrian Neville.
Remember that match? Talk about awesome! For a second there, I really thought that Neville was the new champion. It reminded me of when Jericho beat Triple H for the title and had to give it back. Hopefully a sign of things to come.
Superstar of the Year.
Dammit. I know I'm forgetting someone.
Original Winner- Seth Rollins.
My Winner- Seth Rollins.
Is there really even a conversation?
Look back at these awards, Rollins is nominated for half of them!
The kid had a great year, and the nosedive in ratings without him only back up his importance.
He is... "the man".
Honorable Mention- Bray Wyatt.
Remember when Bray Wyatt carried a fued with the Undertaker by himself? Ya know, he never comes out on top, but he always comes out, and he should be honored for that.