Standard of Dress For Guys

I want to preface this piece by stating that accepting any fashion tips from this author is questionable at best, the reader should do so at his/her own risk. Proceed with caution, as following any tips read here could lead to being ridiculed, and/or harassed by family and friends.

Watching old movies or seeing old pictures I always notice how dressed up everyone is. Walking by on the street in a three piece suit, or wearing suspenders and a top hat, everyone looks well dressed and respectable. Things are a bit different these days. I’m not implying that we all go back to wearing our Sunday best whenever we need to run out for milk, but it can certainly be ridiculous what some people will put on (or not put on) before leaving the house.

I've decided to put together a quick reference guide for anyone who may need some help with what they should be wearing in public. As for the ladies, some of these apply, but being a guy I will stick mainly to men's clothes. One last thing, these rules apply to adults, because they should know better.

If you are going to:

Church – Depending on the church, I would at least wear a pair of jeans without holes in them. A clean polo or a dress shirt is fine. A shirt and tie would be ideal.

WalMart – At the bare minimum, please wear sweat pants with a t-shirt. Underwear is crucial, you may be bending over. A wife beater is an undershirt, AN UNDERSHIRT. That means that unless you are at the beach, at the gym, or by the pool, it should be worn underneath a top shirt.

A fast food restaurant– The same applies here as Walmart. Shorts and a t-shirt are fine. Even flip flops and sandles are acceptable. Ladies, please, please wear shorts that fit. I’m not sure why they make size XXL shorts that say Delicious or Juicy on the back of them, I'm not sure why they make them at all, but they shouldn't.

*Drive through – Just cover yourself, at least wear pajama’s, you never know when you may be pulled over.

A Sit down restaurant– This is different than fast food, please dress accordingly. Jeans or shorts are okay, just not jorts.

An Insane Clown Posse concert - You will need face paint, hair dye, and black, baggy clothes. You will also need to lose your dignity.

The bus stop - Please just make sure you cover everything, other than that, I'll leave it up to you. If it's your child's bus stop, please make sure your t-shirt isn't profane.

The royal wedding – You're going to need your coat and tie for this one to say the least. Dust off your top hat and have your cane or umbrella handy. Military uniforms are welcome

The theatre – At the movie theatre, jeans or shorts are fine. At a performance, maybe step it up a notch with khakis and a button up shirt, perhaps with a sweater or a jacket. People wear jeans, but I would recommend nice ones if you go that route.

A sporting event - Almost anything goes here, support your team by wearing a jersey or team colors, or go above and beyond with face paint. Just wear something, nobody likes the streaker.

Be a guest on a daytime talk show- Wearing an XXL t-shirt with matching sneakers is not dressing up. Remember, you may have to fight, you may have to dance, you may even have to strip. All of this should be taken into consideration while choosing what to wear on the Maury Povich show. In case you are the father, you want to look nice.

The airport - Nothing that brings attention to you. You want this to go as smooth as possible. Sneakers are a great choice, you are traveling after all.

Go hunting- I think bright orange camouflage is all the rage these days. Avoid brown and deer antlers on your head.

Rob a bank - I would go with tactical gear, black or navy blue. You don't want to wear your favorite t-shirt because this could give you away as well. Do not wear your jeans with your wallet in your back pocket. YOU DON'T NEED YOUR WALLET!

Traffic Court - Smart casual is a good choice, you may be on your lunch break. Just make sure you're all tucked in and presentable.

Circuit Court - I think a suit is the only option here. Good luck. (I warned you about that wallet!)

Wrestlemania - Does it honestly matter...

I hope this has helped to answer any questions about what to wear and when to wear it. Remember, being a snazzy dresser won't happen overnight, but with this reference, you will know what to wear to on almost any occasion.