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Facebook Status Updates That Are Better Left Unsaid

Updated on December 4, 2011
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

Too Much Information!

In today's day and age, many social networking enthusiasts are happy to share information about themselves online. For that matter, one might argue they are too eager to share information online. On a daily basis, people tweet and post status updates on everything from being bored at work to the crazy night of drunken antics they had last night at the bar. It seems like nothing is private anymore.

Does your Grandma really need to know you threw up in the bushes last night after drinking a dozen beers? Do your co-workers need to know about the hot chick you met at the bar last night? Furthermore, do you need to share your frustrations you are having with a friend by posting a Facebook status update about it so everyone on your friend list can join the fight?

The answer to the questions are probably, "NO!" yet it doesn't seem to stop anyone. Reality TV and social networking sites have made "over sharing" the new trend. So while we are on the subject of over sharing on Facebook and other sites, such as Twitter or MySpace, why not have a little fun with a list of status updates that are simply better left unsaid?

Status Updates You Should Probably Keep To Yourself:

  • I am going on vacation from June 1st - 7th. I will be out of town and no one is staying at my place. My friend will be checking on things, so I will leave a key under the doormat. Woo-hoo! Vegas, here I come! The only thing I will miss is my huge, flat screen TV in the livingroom.
  • I really wish this rash would clear up. I keep scratching, but it is in a really difficult spot to reach. Oh... my hand seems to be getting a rash, too.
  • Buffy was so cute this morning. She was wrestling with Mittens over a ball of yarn. Buffy finally got tired of Mittens not allowing her to play, so she jumped over Mittens and clawed at the yarn until she got it. Then, Snowy came over and tried to trade her catnip for the yarn, but Buffy wouldn't let her. I will post a series of photos about this in a few minutes.
  • My 2 year old just vomited all over me and the computer. Guess she is coming down with something. I am going to clean it up as soon as I'm through typing this.
  • Got a lot of hot items on sale over at my place. The prices are low as long as you don't ask too many questions.
  • So I am one week late. Now, my challenge is going to be determining the father if I am pregnant. I've managed to narrow it down to three guys: Brad, Ken, or Frank.
  • Last night was the best night ever! I don't remember everything, but I do remember doing a bunch of shots, drinking one shot off some chick's stomach, and then slipping in someone's puke... maybe mine. I woke up on the floor sometime around 9 this morning.
  • My boss is standing behind me right now. I would punch him in the face if I thought I wouldn't go to jail.
  • Does anyone remember the name of that guy I slept with last night? I think he has my bra.
  • Star Trek convention today at noon! Who's joining me? Then we can get together in my parents' basement for some Warhammer action.
  • So, Becky has been totally getting on my nerves this week. Yes, YOU BECKY! You'd better watch your back if you know what's good for you. I know you have been talking behind my back. Say it to my face!
  • Hey, had an awesome time talking to you know who about you know what at that place. Yeah.
  • For all of my 621 closest friends, don't forget I am changing my phone number. My new number is 410-111-1111. Text me! Oh, and I live at 123 Carpenter Lane... you should visit me if you don't hear from me on the cell.
  • Benny and I really cashed in the other night. Miller's Liquor Store down the street is easy to get into if you use the window around the back. It was on the news! We are famous!
  • Sometimes I just don't feel pretty anymore! Not as many guys hit on me anymore! Am I pretty? Is my butt too big? Oh, I must be so ugly. :-(
  • I just spent about $40,000 on a new car. I should have upgraded and spent a little more on a better stereo system, but I don't want to show off. That car is going to look great when I drive to Key West next week. Staying at a 5 star resort while there...
  • Does anyone have a good zit popping technique? This one isn't on my face though.
  • My neighbor is pretty hot. Anyone have any good binocular recommendations?
  • My job is so boring! I haven't done any actual work in about 5 hours. I have been searching for new jobs online the last hour. Anyone know of any openings? I am a really hard worker.

Comments

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  • logoquiz profile image

    Missy 4 years ago from London

    Enjoyable hub, and so true! Sometimes people just post too much information that the world does't need to know!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    That is exactly the type of conversation that annoys me on Facebook. Why do people feel the need to insult a person's photo like that? You are so right... if you can't say something nice, it shouldn't be said at all. I also don't understand why people suddenly have the nerve to say rude things on Facebook they would not say to someone's face. Thanks for the comment and good for you for putting an end to that conversation on Facebook.

  • lambservant profile image

    Lori Colbo 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

    Whenever I need a good laugh, I go to you Jeannie. Last week my 14 year old granddaughter posted a nice photo of her and a girlfriend running and jumping into a pool. Somehow during the course of comments rolling in, some girl makes a derogatory remark about my granddaughter being to thin. A nice young man came to her defense and said she looks great, bet your jealous. It instantaneously exploded into the girl insulting my granddaughter with more and more comments, and the boy getting madder and madder and it got quite ugly. I finally butted in and quoted thumper "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all, with a follow up comment that I am the grandmother of the victim that posted the picture. It stopped. It happened again with another teen grandchild. It's so vile. The drinking and drug ones get to me too

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    T B DeForge - I've seen a lot of these status updates, too. It is a shame I even had to create this hub to tell people something that should be common sense. Oh well. I guess this is how things are now.

    Tammy - It is really amazing the things you see on Facebook. Even if you are trying to keep something secret, your friend might post something on your page and let the cat out the bag. I am experiencing that now! Grrr!

    PDXKaraokeGuy - Thanks so much! Yes, too many kids and cats updates. I don't bore people with my constant hamster updates!

    BuyaBiz - Hahaha... yeah, it is probably best never to go on vacation. It is especially wrong to put it on Facebook.

    Thanks everyone for the comments!

  • BizVT34 profile image

    BizVT34 5 years ago from USA

    Too funny...Oh yeah...I'm not going on vacation..ever.

  • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

    Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

    jeanine... very funny as usual! When people talk about kids or cats on facebook, I roll my eyes

  • tammyswallow profile image

    Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

    This is really funny and I have actually seen some people post some similar things. It is amazing, and funny. Well done!

  • T B DeForge profile image

    T B DeForge 5 years ago

    I can't believe I missed this. I love articles about Facebook. There's so many funny quirks with social networking sites. I can't believe that I've seen at least a third of these or similar from my own friends. Great hub! Thanks for sharing it with us.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for dropping by and posting a comment!

  • htodd profile image

    htodd 5 years ago from United States

    Thanks for the awesome post..nice

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the vote up!

  • stricktlydating profile image

    StricktlyDating 5 years ago from Australia

    Great advice! Awesome examples too! Voted up!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    shuck72 - Hahaha... that is a very exciting update. The world needed to know that one. ;-)

    Shaddie - Yes, some of them are pretty amusing, but if anyone really has that much drama going on, they might want to keep it to themselves. Maybe I should start making up random updates that are untrue and post them. Good times.

    Thank you both for the comments!

  • Shaddie profile image

    Shaddie 5 years ago from Washington state

    I don't know. If I saw any of these Facebook statuses for real I'd be more amused than anything, and honestly, why else would I be trolling Facebook at 3 am? What else is Facebook good for anyway?

  • shuck72 profile image

    shuck72 5 years ago from Seattle

    Great topic. I recently saw someone post, Dishes done, laundry folded, time to relax. Thrilling update.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, the next day the status update would be, "Anyone hiring at your company?" Hehehe. Modern technology can certainly cause some issues at work. Thanks for the votes and the comment!

  • prairieprincess profile image

    Sharilee Swaity 5 years ago from Canada

    Jeannie, this is hilarious! I love the one about my boss is standing right behind me ... and the next line might be, "and I'm fired!" Great job: voted up, funny, and awesome.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the votes! I am glad you liked the hub so much. I agree with you - cats are cute but constant status updates and photos are not that interesting and just a little sad.

  • kittythedreamer profile image

    Nicole Canfield 5 years ago from the Ether

    Hilarious! The one I find the funniest is the one about the cats. To me...it's really annoying and pointless to hear about your cat's activities. I don't subject others to my cat's activities so why subject me to the boring-ness? Voted up and funny!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks for the vote up! Yes, I wish some people would read this and take my advice.

  • ismart profile image

    ismart 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

    this is so funny, i like it! a must vote up hub, i wish those people who update their status like those read it too.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the vote up!

  • Apryl Schwarz profile image

    Apryl Schwarz 5 years ago from Nebraska

    Very funny! Voted up!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks! Maybe this should be required reading on Facebook. Hehe... or maybe not... if the makers of Facebook can't cash in on it, I am sure they are not interested.

  • cclitgirl profile image

    Cynthia Sageleaf 5 years ago from Western NC

    Hehehe. You hit the head on the nail with this. I think every FB user should read this before joining FB. :D Voted up and funny.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Wow, that website is sooooo funny! Thanks for the recommendation. Thanks for dropping by my hub!

  • ukbusiness profile image

    ukbusiness 5 years ago from Bristol, UK

    Its never a surprise when I see some of the most stupid and idiotic facebook status updates, really does make me wonder. Have a look at failbook.com for more though, there is loads!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad you liked it, Angie. It is true, one's indiscretions are usually private with real friends, or at least they are not in writing. :-) It is easier to "forget" the experience ever happened when it is not posted for the world to see. Thanks for reading and for the comment!

  • Angie Jardine profile image

    Angie Jardine 5 years ago from Cornwall, land of the eternally youthful mind ...

    Good chuckle at this, Jeannie ... though it is a bit sad that people seem to prefer virtual friends to real ones ... at least with real friends one's indiscretions are private ... or possibly not.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Dee42 - That doesn't sound good. I only use Facebook on my computer and keep it turned off at night. It is really for the best.

    ThoughtSandwiches - Yes, rashes can be a terrible thing. However, getting hit by a bus can be worse. Interesting how one can type a status update when that happens, huh? Thanks for the vote!

    Thank you both for the comments!

  • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

    ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

    Jeannie...

    Oh my god...this is awesome. Rashes do spread to hands...that's the problem with rashes...

    I also like when you see...

    "Argh F**k Sploob!"

    Then you get everyone asking..What? Why? You OK? ...and the first posting person never responds.

    Now...obviously...if "Argh F**k Sploob" ...means they were just killed by a bus? That's fine...but then why are they posting stupid sh*t the very next day if they are dead from a bus the day before? I rant...because I care.

    Thomas

    PS...oh yeah...good stuff above and I am voting to prove it.

  • Dee42 profile image

    Dee42 5 years ago from Beautiful Arkansas

    So funny! I hate the ones that wake me up, then can't go back to sleep!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Yes, I agree! Apparently everything is an interesting event now that must be shared with the world. It is completely ridiculous. I still think reality TV is the cause of all of this. Everyone watches people doing boring stuff on TV and then they think, "Oh, OK, it must be interesting when someone does that." Ummm... no.

    Thanks for dropping by my hub!

  • Greensleeves Hubs profile image

    Greensleeves Hubs 5 years ago from Essex, UK

    Yeah, it all is pretty irritating isn't it, particularly all the boring messages about mundane activities - just WHY do people have to post a message that they are about to eat a sandwich (not even an interesting sandwich - a boring sandwich). Why do people have to post that they are now eating a sandwich. Why do people have to post that they have just finished eating a sandwich? Bizarre, but people do!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
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    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Stigma31 - Hahaha... I agree with you... the sympathy status update or the chain mail update is so annoying.

    Gypsy Willow - Oh yes! Some people find great joy in tagging their friends in the most unflattering photos that can find. I am with you on that one!

    Alecia Murphy - I honestly don't know what is worse - the overly sweet posts couples put on each other's profiles that make me want to vomit or the stupid arguments that pop up on Facebook. I am glad you agree with me on this one!

    kschang - That is pretty hilarious! Actually, I've been warned to stay off the internet at work, too. I just never posted my warnings online.

    Seeker7 - I am glad you enjoyed it! I've known the missing underwear thing to happen to someone I know, so I thought I would include it. Thanks for the votes!

    Thanks everyone for the awesome comments!

  • Seeker7 profile image

    Helen Murphy Howell 5 years ago from Fife, Scotland

    LMAO!!! This hub is brilliant. I haven't laughed so much in a long time! I loved 'does anyone know the name of the guy I slept with last night. I think he's got my bra!' LOL!!!

    I loved this! Voted up + awesome!!

  • kschang profile image

    kschang 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA, USA

    Actually, the guy who posted his HR department's letter warning him to stay off Facebook at work... on Facebook, is the worst offender of all. :) And yes, he lost his job.

    http://www.tradersnarrative.com/facebook-addicted-...

    I actually wrote a hub on this guy. :D

  • Alecia Murphy profile image

    Alecia Murphy 5 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

    Some people don't know what keep it to yourself means and when you add social networking, it's a deadly mix. I hate when people start arguments with each other on their walls and invade my feed. And then there's the overly loving couple who's sickeningly saying I love you every five minutes. You said everything and then some! Awesome job Jeannie!

  • Gypsy Willow profile image

    Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

    So funny and so true. Worse is the infuriating friend who takes unflattering pics and tags them. Great laugh, thanks.

  • Stigma31 profile image

    Stigma31 5 years ago from Kingston, ON

    Great hub, except some of the update you list are funny or interesting. I hate the people that post boring ones, or ones seeking sympathy, and of course the chain letter crap! Voting up! And tell that girl her bra is still in my car ;-)

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thanks so much! I am glad you liked the hub!

  • rochelj profile image

    rochelj 5 years ago from USA

    Very funny hub! You made great points about updates that are better left unsaid!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    aemillervb - Thanks for dropping by and reading my hub. I know what you mean about the mundane little status updates. Every little thing is posted... "I just bought coffee and saved 50 cents with a coupon" or "I just took a bathroom break." Too much information!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image
    Author

    Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Wow! I am surprised I got this many comments already. Thanks, everyone!

    samanthamayer - I agree with you. The mother or grandmother check is the safest way to post status updates. Several aunts are on my friend list and I don't want some rumors going back to my mother. Thanks for the vote!

    Vladi Dorfman - I am glad you liked the more subtle status updates. I wasn't sure if I was obvious enough on those. I know what you mean about being forced to sensor people with too many updates. I dropped someone once because I couldn't take it anymore.

    VendettaVixen - I am happy I could make you laugh this early in the morning. I've never seen a "money stolen out of purse" update, but I can believe they exist. I've seen some really crazy stuff - usually from my own relatives!

    missolive - Uh-oh! That sounds like a recipe for disaster right there. I am glad you enjoyed the hub and thanks for the votes!

  • aemillervb profile image

    aemillervb 5 years ago from Virginia

    Love this Hub! So true.. Some of my Facebook friends seem to update their status every 5 minutes.. really do we need to know that you are "Hopping in the Shower", "Just Shaved My Legs and I Am Hitting the Town tonight"..Loved your status updates.. "Just read a great hub.. now it's time to go change the litterbox."

  • missolive profile image

    Marisa Hammond Olivares 5 years ago from Texas

    HILARIOUS!!! My daughter is in her 2nd year in college and FREQUENTLY forgets her Grandma is on Facebook. (ooops, should I have said that?) Lol

    Great hub and I LOVED the status comments.

    Voted up, useful and funny :)

  • VendettaVixen profile image

    VendettaVixen 5 years ago from Ireland

    Great hub. These kinds of posts enfuriate me - do people really think this sort of thing makes them look cool?

    No one needs to know what you did last night with that guy who may or may not be named Ken something-or-other, or how much money he stole from your purse and how that's incredibly daring and cool.

    Anyway, I just woke up and you made me laugh: something no one else has ever been able to achieve. Congratulations!

    Keep it up~

  • profile image

    Vladi Dorfman 5 years ago

    Memorable things that cracked me -

    "621 closest friends" oh yes, VERY ... eh, intimate relationships with each ;)

    And -

    "Anyone know of any openings? I am a really hard worker."

    I'd hire that guy right away!

    I censor updates from people who too frequently post too many statuses that reveal too much about things I don't really wish to know.

    Cheers!

  • samanthamayer profile image

    samanthamayer 5 years ago from New Zealand

    Hahaha this hub is hilarious. Especially loved the first one, the cats one and the "I just don't feel pretty anymore" one. Very clever! I do the mother (or grandma, as you pointed out) check - if it's something I'd be embarrassed for my mother to see, I don't post it. Voted up!