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Top Google Search With Humor: Why Do Boys Sag and Other Nonsense

Updated on November 26, 2012
Some of these people could be closet google searchers.  Beware!
Some of these people could be closet google searchers. Beware! | Source
Crazy google searches can even happen on a boat.
Crazy google searches can even happen on a boat. | Source
Bev rejoicing her freedom from the internet
Bev rejoicing her freedom from the internet | Source

I don’t know about all of you, but I totally enjoy this series! Maybe that says more about me than I want to know. All I know for sure is my fellow internet travelers never cease to amaze and amuse me with their searches. They literally come up with questions that I would never consider in a million years.

We have a lot of ground to cover in this article so without further delay let’s take a look at today’s question: Why do boys….?

I have taken it upon myself to pick the top nine searches to that partial question. Of course, I felt compelled to add a little spice to the search questions, a sampling of my own rather unique sense of humor. Judging from the comments I have received on earlier installments of this series, I am not alone with that unique sense of humor.

I guess that’s it for an introduction. Shall we begin?

WHY DO BOYS’ BIKES HAVE A BAR?

The first thing I thought of when I read this one was a mental picture of a bicycle complete with a bar stocked with vodka and gin. Can you tell that I’m an alcoholic? Then it dawned on me that they might be asking about that damn bar that we have to straddle when we ride the bike. I have often wondered about that myself, so this isn’t that stupid of a question.

Here’s what I’ve come up with, and this is purely my own speculation. Boys’ bikes have a bar because bicycle manufacturers are sadists! How else do you explain it? That thing is there for no other reason than to nail us in the jewels when we slip off of the seat. It got so bad growing up that I started wearing a cup to protect myself. Can you imagine not being able to father a child because of a bar on a bike? How do you explain that one to your future-bride? I’m sorry, darling, but Big Wally and the Twins are out of commission because I was such a klutz as a kid! I’m amazed Jerry Springer never covered this topic on his show.

WHY DO BOYS CRY?

You would cry too if you had to deal with that bar on the bicycle! I’m telling you, there is no worse pain in the world. I have known kids who were so traumatized by that bar growing up that they won’t go near anything that could possibly fit between their legs. Seriously! Do you think I’m making this stuff up? Well, possibly!

Why do boys cry? Maybe because their mothers use too many onions when cooking? Maybe because their dog has a farting problem? Maybe because Sarah Palin is their third cousin? I don’t know; get a therapist and stay away from bicycles of any kind. Heck, stay away from Sarah Palin if she is riding a bicycle. If I saw that I would cry too!

WHY DO BOYS STOP GROWING?

Here we go with the bicycle again! If you dropped down on an unforgiving steel bar, a part of you would stop growing too; in fact, it would never grow again if you hit that bar hard enough. Big Wally would become Little Wilbur and would never been seen again. As for the Twins….well, there are operations that can fix that.

Why do they stop growing? Because they died! Who asks these questions? We all stop growing! Hello! If we didn’t we would all be what, ten feet tall and bulletproof! My apologies to Travis Tritt! We would all be so big we couldn’t find a bike to ride or scrunch ourselves on when we were in a hurry. That’s why we stop growing so don’t bother me with this question again.

WHY DO BOYS LIKE GIRLS?

Well, some don’t! Have you ever seen the movie “Deliverance?” Enough said!

Actually, boys like girls because God has a terrible sense of humor. We were put on this Earth so we could stumble around acting like fools in hopes that some girl will notice us. We were put on this Earth to provide humor for women; we were put on this Earth to prove that women are the strongest sex and by far the rulers of this universe. If you don’t believe that is true just ask any woman. She will be more than happy to confirm it.

WHY DO BOYS CHEAT?

How else do you expect us to win? We cheat at baseball, ping pong, checkers, Frisbee, poker, Monopoly and any other game we play. It’s part of the male experience. It’s part of what makes us such fascinating creatures. LOL I had to laugh at my own silliness that time.

Oh, you mean why do men cheat in a relationship? Well, that’s a bit more complicated. We cheat because we have mommy issues. We cheat because we wet the bed when we were ten. We cheat because the cow ran away with the spoon and there ain’t no Santa Claus. We cheat because…..well, none of those make sense and yet they all do. We cheat because we have stupid hardwired into our brains and because we took one too many shots to the nether regions while riding that bike. We have to keep making sure that Big Wally is still responsive!

WHY DO BOYS LIE?

Are you kidding me? Boys lie so that they won’t get in trouble. Duh! If boys, and by extension, men didn’t lie they would have to suffer the consequences of the truth and that’s a daunting task indeed. You see, boys do some pretty stupid things, and when they grow up they do even more stupid things. Who wants to admit to a lifetime of idiocy? It’s just simpler to lie and be done with it.

How do you know when a boy is lying? His lips are moving! How could a boy ever win the heart of a girl without telling lies? The truth isn’t going to cut the mustard. Hi, my name is Tommy, and I pick my nose and fart at the dinner table. See, the truth just isn’t that appealing. Next you’ll want boys to admit to crying and secretly riding a girl’s bike so Big Wally has a day off from pain. That’s not going to happen either!

WHY DO BOYS SAG?

This is a simple one! Boys sag because they become old men and that’s what our bodies do….they sag! Our bellies sag down on our belts. Our skin sags down on our face and neck. Our butts sag southward so that they look like part of our calves. Our…..no, not going there!

Oh, you mean why do boys sag their pants? Because they want to look like they don’t have a brain in their head, that’s why! Somehow, over time, it has become fashionable to let your pants sag and show off your butt crack! Says a lot about our civilization, doesn’t it? Can you imagine if guys my age started doing that? Now that is a gross thought…..no, that’s a gross nightmare. Ewwwww! No worries, ladies, it’s not going to happen with this guy!

How do boys with sagging pants ride a bike?

WHY DO BOYS STARE AT GIRLS?

Seriously? Because girls are a whole lot better to stare at than guys! When I was in high school, if a guy stared at another guy, there was a good chance his teeth would be re-arranged. That’s just not something you do if you are a boy. However, if you stare at a girl, you are basically telling her that you sag your pants, you crush your jewels on that bike bar, and you cheat whenever the opportunity presents itself. Now that’s a recipe for success if I ever heard of one.

It’s the old mating ritual. It’s been around as long as guys walked upright. We don’t know what to say so we just stare, hoping that somehow the girl will intuit that we are still growing and she needs to start doing that mating thing that she does. We are secretly fine with the woman making all the decisions, but if you ask us about it plan on a lie in return.

WHY DO BOYS GET CIRCUMCISED?

I saved the best for last! We get circumcised because of all the bruising from that bike bar! Actually, some of us never did get circumcised. Our parents wanted to make sure we had something the kids could laugh at in the high school showers. No wonder we cry so much! Big Wally looks like one of those old-fashioned milk bottles.

Talk about a primitive invasion! I think the same guy who invented the bike bar invented circumcision. There is no other way to explain it. Who thought that would be a good idea? Some old foggies back in ancient times decided it would be a great idea to cut off some skin in the most sensitive part of a man’s body. Sounds like fun to me; sign me up! What happens if the knife slips during that procedure? Ewwww! I don’t even want to think about it. I’ll just keep my old milk bottle and be happy for small favors. Well, not that small….I mean, well, oh, never mind!

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT

Now you know everything that needs to be known about why boys do what they do. Don’t try to thank me; I feel it’s my duty to enlighten those out there who obviously can’t get through life without my help.

The next time you see a boy riding a girl’s bike you’ll be more understanding. The next time you see a boy staring longingly at a milk bottle, you’ll be more understanding. The next time you see Sarah Palin at your family dinner, resign from the family. The next time you see a boy crying at the sight of a guard rail you’ll understand. And the next time you see a boy walk up to you, just be prepared for him to cheat and lie. It’s what boys do best!

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

For more in this series see the following:

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/Funny-Google-Searches-Are-There-Really-Vampires-and-Other-Nonsense

http://billybuc.hubpages.com/hub/How-To-Make-Chloroform-And-Other-Nonsense

For my Funny Google book on Kindle go to:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&search-alias=digital-text&field-author=William%20D.%20Holland

Is this author wasting his time trying to be funny?

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    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Nell my friend, tell the neighbors it is my fault. I'm so sorry! NOT! Glad you enjoyed and if you ever see a picture of me in sagging pants, you have my permission to shoot me. :) Thank you Nell!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

      Oh my God, I can't stop laughing! now you done it! 2.30 in the morning and I am laughing so hard the neighbors are going to be banging on the wall! that bicycle! haha! oh my sides hurt! and yes it was me that clicked on the first answer, couldn't resist it, so funny!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, that future hub has your name all over it! Go for it so we can all have a great laugh!

      Thanks Jeannie!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Why do boys stare at girls? Seriously? People are looking for that in a search engine? Clearly, I need to start writing hubs for people that are confused about the basics in life. Maybe I should write the "why boys stare at girls" hub today. Awesome hub, as usual. Voted up and shared!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Zion, I try to write some humor once a week so I, too, don't wallow in my seriousness too much. Thank you and I'm happy that you enjoyed it.

    • zionsphere profile image

      zionsphere 5 years ago from Oregon

      What a great idea! I like this series, and the break it gave me from thinking too seriously tonight :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I don't have a clue where this stuff comes from; it's just free-form silliness from the brain of Bill Holland. You should live inside my head some day; now that's scary! LOL Thank you kind lady!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 5 years ago from Florida

      What can I say, except that this Hub had me in stitches! I don't know how you think of this crazy stuff, but I'm glad you do.

      I voted this UP and funny! Thanks for the giggles.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, you have to work harder than that to make me blush....and I know you are capable of it. :)

      Thank you my dear!

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      As I've told every man who beats around the bush (no pun intended - really!). I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

      I hope I'm killing you with laughter, Bill. I can just see you know: shaking your head and rolling your eyes. Are you blushing???

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha.....TMI....LOL You kill me! Totally and completely kill me! Thanks for the info buddy! I can always count on your to cut away the b.s. and get down to it.

      Have a great one my dear friend; sending hubs your way.

      bill

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 years ago from Central Florida

      I was just thinking this morning that I'd not been notified of additions to the series - blamed it on HP!

      This is the funniest one yet, Bill. There I was again, all my my lonesome, laughing my ass off!

      I can relate to the bike bar thing. When I was in high school, I was riding my dad's 3-speed bike up a hill (I haven't lived in Florida all my life. Yes, I know hills and even mountains!). The bike only worked in 3rd gear, which was the slowest and hardest to peddle, so you can imagine how hard I was pumping going up that hill. Before I reached the top, the 3rd gear went out and I came slamming down on that damned bar. Talk about ouch! I also lost something that day but didn't realize it until my first intimate encounter with a boy. He didn't believe it was my first time, cuz my fruit was missing! I know, I know, once again you're saying "TMI, Sha!"

      Thanx for admitting that women are the stronger sex. I don't know why we've not yet had a woman president. But that's a whole 'nother rant, so I'll quit for now.

      You've done it again my friend! You've brought laughter to my day!!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Reberry, LOL That had me laughing out loud....thank you for the great comment. I'll keep Big Wally off of television and we will all be much happier.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rosalinem, thank you so much. I feel honored every time someone like you takes the time to read my efforts.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Margarita, I have no idea where this stuff comes from. I have always had an off-beat sense of humor, and I've always found humor in the weirdest things. :) Says something about me but I'm not sure what exactly! Thank you my friend.

    • Redberry Sky profile image

      Redberry Sky 5 years ago

      Big Wally and the Twins? Sounds like a nice wholesome children’s TV programme to me.

      I used to keep a list of the funniest search terms people had used to find my (now defunct and always a bit lame) website. Sadly the list is lost in the morass of junk on my laptop, but I tell you this: people have FILTHY minds and you are NOT supposed to do THAT with a guitar!

      Brilliant Hub, love it :)

    • Rosalinem profile image

      Rosalinem 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

      Billy, its always an honor to read something that you have written just hilarious!!! Voted all the way up

    • MargaritaEden profile image

      MargaritaEden 5 years ago from Oregon

      Bill, this is absolutely hilarious! My day was too serious today, I so needed to read your hub to lighten up :) How do you come up with these things? I love what you said on why boys sag, great sense of humor!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hi Relationship...thanks for the visit. I don't think I've seen you before. I was reading your profile and saw where you are into happiness....and I laughed, only because most of my hubs are serious and about improving one's life and finding happiness....and the one you read was one of my silly ones with no purpose at all. LOL I'm really happy that you stopped by.

    • Relationshipc profile image

      Kari 5 years ago from Alberta, Canada

      Had me in tears laughing. This was a great idea! Has me wanting to check out some other nonsense searches.

      Love the video on regret as well. It's my mission to try and live in the moment as much as possible which, in itself, helps to eliminate regret.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PMP...I have my suspicions that you are right about a woman inventing that dastardly bar. :) How was the exciting adventure? I hope you are planning on telling me about it!

      Thank you my dear!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Billy,

      I enjoyed this wonderful humorous article. I giggled everytime you came back to the bike bar. Boys problems go much farther than this but I guess you would have been writing for two more years!! Just kidding!! Girls sag like boys but only you could find humor in so many ways.

      Thanks for ANOTHER wonderful laugh!

      PS: A woman probably invented the bike bar.

      PMP

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lyricwriter, thank you! I tend to remind myself of my own faults and issues when I write. LOL I'm glad you enjoyed the irreverent side of my personality.

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Billy, this was awesome! I haven't laughed like this in years. And to be honest, most of this is true. Thanks for reminding me of all my faults and issues.LOL Awesome job! Voted up, awesome, and funny.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Bobbi, thank you so much for visiting my site. I appreciate your kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed my silliness.

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 5 years ago from New York

      LOL Nice to know mostly those boys have the problems. Great hub and I enjoyed reading it all.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, my pleasure, and thank you for the visit. You are so loyal and I am so grateful.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      Why do boys like girls seems like a common sense in our society, but then maybe not. I can see the humor in some of these searches. Thanks for the smile of the day!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      There is Natasha....how are you my dear? So nice to see you! I need to visit your site; I think I explained that I'm not getting notices on some hubbers and you are one of them....so my apologies and I will be right over for a visit.

    • Natashalh profile image

      Natasha 5 years ago from Hawaii

      Hahahaha. I love your caption "Some of these people could be closet Google searchers. Beware!" Too funny and oh so true! You never know what goofy things the person next to you has typed in that little text box before clicking the search button.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shampa, men do many things that should be laughed at. It just took me a few years to come to that realization. Thank you my dear!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Spy, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I love writing humor; it balances the serious hubs that I write. Thank you my dear!

    • shampa sadhya profile image

      Shampa Sadhya 5 years ago from NEW DELHI, INDIA

      Voted up and awesome!

      Once again you amazed me. It was fun to read this article and what to say about you! You laughed at your own gender, that's an interesting quality of yours. Loved it

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Hahahaha!! this one is really good sir Bill! You really rockz. Thanks for the laugh! Shard.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, you are a doll in the nicest sense of the word. Thank you for your latest hub!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Yes teacher, Amen. Enjoy!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Exactly.....time to move on! :) Thank you for visiting and most of all for always caring! Have a great weekend my friend.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Hmm, who opens mouth and inserts foot now? You or me?

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shea, I'm glad you are too! Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I knew you weren't upset...I was trying to be clever in my response and it came off as sounding serious....it's all good buddy! I thought you were very funny!

    • shea duane profile image

      shea duane 5 years ago from new jersey

      you are so funny! glad to be a loyal follower!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill....I was not upset at all. I guess my sense of humor is somewhat lacking! Hmm, who talks before thinking? Me thinks its me!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cyndi, I have a 60's kind of smart ass humor that has served me well over the years (and gotten me in a couple fights I might add)....I love how loyal you are and the support you give to me. Thank you Sis and have fun with your family.

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Sageleaf 5 years ago from Western NC

      You had me laughing so much, I read just about the whole hub to John. You've got a knack for this, seriously!! Oh, the visions conjured up in my head from these descriptions were priceless. Whoa is the boy who tries to ride his bike with sagging pants. It's only a matter of time before they get tangled up in the chains of the bike. Hahaha. Have a wonderful day, Bro! I actually can't be around much - I've got family visiting from Florida, so I'm trying to get some work done this morning before heading over to my mom-in-law's to visit. :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, I am profoundly sorry for the parts that upset you. I at times have a runaway imagination and I write before I think, which of course is dangerous for a man. :)

      I always love your comments; I could live knowing others thought I was a philosopher....I really like that.

      Thank you my friend; wishing you a PIPO day in New York.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, I'm glad you enjoyed it; thank you so much for taking the time to visit.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Okay Bill, I have some beefs...no matter how quickly I think I'm finding your hubs I'm at least a day late AND there are a hundred comments to wade through besides. (Of course I have to read each one carefully as they are as funny as your hub.)

      Then I start reading and right there in black and white you're talking about "Big Wally and the Twins" don't you think that's embarassing Big Wally? After all, he is sharing a cell with Pig Sty!

      Then after all your talk about men lying you come up with a statement like this, "It’s part of what makes us such fascinating creatures"!

      Lastly (in this comment anyway) you presume to know things that are totally out of your realm like, "I think the same guy who invented the bike bar invented circumcision."

      Now, on to my real comment...you are hilarious and get funnier with each 'episode' in this series. I hope it goes on forever!

      Your serious ending is so philosophical, I listen then I think;

      “Cogito, ergo sum;” “I think, therefore I am.” (Rene Descartes) You are our great philosopher Bill!

      Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      I love this hilarious ongoing series Bill. It is always a treat to read. Glad I didn't ride a bike.

      Up all the way and shared.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mhatter, that had me laughing out loud. I couldn't figure out where you were going with that story and then WHAM....great comment my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Faceless! Much-appreciated!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 5 years ago from San Francisco

      would say this is funny BUT my son works for the US government and is going for his PHD. My daughter is a "big shot" chef because she basically commands her salary. and what do these two do when they get together? They fart on each other! (it's a game they enjoy playing)

    • Faceless39 profile image

      Faceless39 5 years ago from The North Woods, USA

      Superb!

      Voted way up, funny, and awesome!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Love; tomorrow we turn serious, so I'm glad I got some more silliness out of my system.

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      lovedoctor926 5 years ago

      These are all very funny. I came back to revisit this hub. Voted up funny!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Kelly, I'll take amuse you a lot any day over funny! Thanks buddy and have a great weekend.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Tammy....EWWWWWW! I can't write, I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at the nun question. Oh my...okay, I'm ready.

      Too funny! Thanks for ending my day with a major laugh.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeff, the bar will forever be a mystery. Thanks for dropping by and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

      Big Wally

    • Jeff Gamble profile image

      Jeff Gamble 5 years ago from Denton, Texas

      Big Wally... er... Bill, you have me in stitches. And now that I think of it, wouldn't girls fare much better with the bar?

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Excellent hub. I laughed until my pants sagged. I was hoping you could answer a question for me or at least google it. There is a convent near my house. Every day I see the Nuns out riding bikes. They don't have the bar on their bikes, but they have all taken the seats of their bikes. Why would a Nun do that?

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Funny...nope...you amuse me alot..a LOT..!

      I saw Deliverance...giggle, giggle!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      True words Vox!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, I'm happy that I can make you laugh. Thank you for the visit; I always appreciate you.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      You have the ability to make me LOL and I like that. Some of your observations I will be looking for. Sarah Palin would be the last person to be invited to a get-together, lordy she's dumb. Enjoyed this fun hub. Keep 'em coming..

    • vox vocis profile image

      Jasmine 5 years ago

      You're welcome! It's nice to know that there are men who really appreciate women. Not all of them do, you know.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cyoung, the boys who has squashed their jewels more than once...those boys!

      Thanks for the visit!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vox, even though what you say is probably true, I can't imagine my life without Bev and my wonderful women friends. You all keep me sane and right-sized. Thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ladeda, my pleasure. Kick up your feet and relax, and thank you!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hey Ardie! It's always nice to see you. it's there for torture only; no other reason makes sense. Tel you daughter it hurts girls as much as it hurts guys.

      Thanks Ardie, for the visit!

    • Ardie profile image

      Sondra 5 years ago from Neverland

      Yup, here we have it: another hilarious issue of Google Searches by Bill =) I always do love reading these Hubs. I promise I read all the way to the end but I am stuck on the boy bike bar question. My oldest daughter just asked me about that bar last week! She wanted to ride my Dad's old bike but couldnt manage because she was too short to get over that blasted bar. The look on her face was priceless when she said "Why the heck do boys need that there anyways?!" Great Hub Bill.

    • ladeda profile image

      ladeda 5 years ago

      I just got home from a long day at work; thanks for the great (and much needed) laugh!

    • vox vocis profile image

      Jasmine 5 years ago

      I think this hub is funny :) But, as a woman, I can't agree with you on the reasons why boys like girls. Boys are put on this Earth because this is a Man's world. Most women would confirm that. And, a better question would be, "Why boys like girls' breasts?" Oops! Did I just say that? LOL

      Do you remember that song by James Brown? The refrain goes: "It's a man's man's world, but it would be nothing without a woman..." Well, of course! Somebody has to give birth to a child, and it ain't you, boys! :)

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pamela....boys have no choice but to toughen up and become men....look at the dangers we live through. LOL Thank you my friend; you are so very loyal.

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      Chad Young 5 years ago from Corona, CA

      I think the bar on the bike is for strength because boys are typically heavier than girls. What boy wants to be seen on a girls bike anyway?

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, I have serious concerns that your alter-ego is in control. I swear to God, if you and Doc have a Hub wedding I'm going to be......in the hospital from laughing too hard.

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      Pamela Oglesby 5 years ago from United States

      Another hilarious hub. I always wondered why the boys had that bar on their bike also. I know I rode a boys bike once and fell. It doesn't feel to good on girls either. The inventor must have been sadistic as you said. Having raised 3 boys I thought I knew why they cried but now I am enlightened. Great hub.

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      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      bill....I checked with Daisy May.......and she said, in no uncertain terms........"Shucks, billibucBob......you ain't never gotta be off-endered by a zinger from a buddy......most folk here in the holler kinda like zingers.......longs they got nuff chocklit frostin on 'em!!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LMAO....Paula, you finished my work day off with a good belly laugh. I should be offended by that brains zinger but for some reason I thought it was hilarious....probably has to do with brains now that I think about it...or lack thereof.

      Thanks buddy; laughing is over. We're going serious tomorrow. Have a peaceful night in western NY.

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      Paula 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      4 sons...4 step-sons, 8 grand sons......and always male cats and dogs........Thanks for featuring all of my hard work on google....it wasn't easy writing the answers to all of those damned stupid questions!! BTW....I made most of 'em up! Could you tell? The TRUE answer to "why the boys sag" is easy......brains are heavy, bill!

      You sure can make a person laff til they...hic-up!! UP+++

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Debbie, I don't think boys ever grow up! :) Thank you my dear friend!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Go to bed smiling? Trinity, where in the world do you live? In turn, you always bring a smile to my face dear lady. Sleep well and have sweet dreams.

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      Trinity M 5 years ago

      You never cease to amaze me… how DO you manage to come up with such gems?? I must admit that martini serving bicycle got me! As always I got my billybuc fix for the day and now I can go to bed smiling. Thank you my friend. :)

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      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Billy.. so funny...boys are like that.. lol.. but you got to love them... I have two sons... and I absolutely love them....they have my heart.. debbie

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Julie, no lie....and it took me a few minutes to figure out what that meant.

      Thank you kind lady!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dexter, I would have voted for that idea when I was a kid...give me a girl's bike any old day. LOL Thank you my friend.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lizzy, I suspected it was for structural design but heck, that's not nearly as funny! Why tell the truth when fiction is so much more fun?

      Thank you for visiting; I love your sense of humor!

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      Blurter of Indiscretions 5 years ago from Clinton CT

      Why do boys sag? What the heck? People search for that?! Hilarious hub, as always :)

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      Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

      Hi Billybuc! I was just having a conversation the other day with my wife about men's bikes. It always seemed to me that men should have the bikes designed for women and vice-versa do to our different, er, uh, appendage!

      Great hub! I enjoyed every bit!

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      Liz Elias 5 years ago from Oakley, CA

      **Wiping tears of laughter so I can see to type...**

      If people are really asking these kinds of questions on Google, (and I don't doubt it), then perhaps it's time for a new book: "Question-Asking For Dummies."

      As far as the bar on the bike goes--I've read the explanation before--it's actually a stronger design from an engineering standpoint. But, just as with car engines, it's quite obvious that the engineers never had to ride (or try to repair) the things they designed. (And for the record--I've ridden a boy's bike a couple of times, and let me assure you, landing on that bar hurts just as bad for girls!)

      But I laughed out loud at your explanation of blaming that bar for lying, cheating, and, heck, all the other things that guys do. Crushing the jewels must really scramble the brain; apparently a direct connection. (LOL)

      Voted up and funny!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Lord, I think you are onto something. Give the Google folks a ring and tell them your suggestion. :) Thanks my friend; always nice to have you stop by.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jayden, my only guess is it has something to do with structural stability, but then why isn't the same true on a girl's bike? A mystery for the ages my friend.

      Thank you!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jools, I seriously doubt if there is any logic to my thinking at all. LOL Thank you my friend; glad you enjoyed it.

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      JaydenMiller 5 years ago from USA

      I always wondered why that stupid bar was there on boy's bikes. Never made much sense to me. Great, fun hub that makes you think!

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      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Bill, I love these. And love the logic of your prose going from bar on a bike to circumcision and on route, saggy issues! Lots of fun.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      TT, I think I heard someone talking the other day about you at band camp. LOL

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      Joseph De Cross 5 years ago

      You never fail in entertaining us Billy. Those Google searches should have a moderating level. Thye might need the tool bar google for idiots. Thanks! Your bar story was hilarious!

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      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Well, that right there tells me everything I need to know about you, billybuc! :) And I would NEVER, EVER dream of being a plagiarizer! Well, except maybe that one time, at band camp...

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Christy, so complicated I'll never get the hang of it. :) Thank you young lady!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, it's my pleasure. I really do appreciate your unwavering support.

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Patty, just consider me the court jester of HubPages! Thank you dear!

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      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Chaucer or whomever....great line John! Thank you!