Can Someone Spruce This Up?

1. 59

   jtylerposted 13 years ago

   I'm currently working on a new website that will replace my old one.  I want it to be very attractive and very easy to use.  I'm re-doing everything.
   
   Here's a description of what the website is that will appear on the homepage
   
   "I am here to help others out in any field, whether it be in music, saxophone playing, politics, cooking, computer programming, composing, or anything else.  I have written many helpful, informative, and inspiring articles already, but I'm not done yet.
   
   I also have a blog - A Day in the Life of JTyler.  Everyday, I will make a blog post about something that interests me, disgusts me, catches my attention, or surprises me.  I also have a blog that informs users about updates to the website.
   
   In addition, I am also involved with music.  I have written many articles about the saxophone and about music in general.  I have a Youtube account that I post backing tracks to.  In addition, I have free sheet music which is available to everybody, and I have transcriptions, which can be purchased for as low as $1."
   
   I was wondering if some of you guys could spruce that up to make it look more attractive, especially because it will be giving a first impression.  If you do, make sure you keep it around the same length.
   
   
   Thanks.

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   1. 68

      2uesdayposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Need advice on composing,music,saxophone playing,cooking, computer programming or even politics? You have come to the right place. Here you will find many helpful, informative and inspiring articles that are frequently being added to.
      
      My blog is : 'A Day in the Life of JTyler' contains daily postings on topics that interests me,disgusts me,surprise me or catches my attention.
      
      I have written many articles about the saxophone and about music in general my  Youtube account has backing tracks that migh interest you. My free sheet music is available to everybody or I have transcriptions, which can be purchased for as low as $1."
      
      
      Maybe that is not perfect but just an example of a different approach.
      How much do I get each someone views the blog ? Just joking

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      1. 76

         Shadesbreathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         This is great. I'd add to it based on my earlier comment, like this:
         
         Need advice on composing,music,saxophone playing,cooking, computer programming or even politics? You have come to the right place. Here you will find many helpful, informative and inspiring articles that are frequently being added to.
         
         Bookmark this site, or click on the RSS button to stay up on the latest tips and techniques
         
         My blog is : 'A Day in the Life of JTyler' contains daily postings on topics that interests me,disgusts me,surprise me or catches my attention. [NEW]If you'd like to laugh, or cry, with me along the way, follow this blog and we'll see where the journey goes together.
         
         To follow me CLICK HERE
         
         I have written many articles about the saxophone and about music in general my  Youtube account has backing tracks that migh interest you. My free sheet music is available to everybody or I have transcriptions, which can be purchased for as low as $1."
         
         Order your copy TODAY
         
         <the stuff in blue is meant to simulate links. >

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2. 68

   2uesdayposted 13 years ago

   To me it looks as if there are too many I 's in it, that makes it repetitive to read.
   
   I was told when writing - get it down (as on paper or on screen)and then get it right.  If you print it out then read it out loud to yourself, the changes that are needed are easier to spot.

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3. 76

   Shadesbreathposted 13 years ago

   I think there are a few things you need to clarify first (for me, certainly, and possibly for you).
   
   What is it you are expecting from this text? What it it's purpose? Sales, clicks, subscriptions, Facebook likes, what?
   
   If you want people to take some action, then your website copy needs to capture the essence of what THEY will get from interacting with your site and then it needs to tell them how to go about getting that through a clear and strong call to action:  To Find Out More, Click Here.  Or, To order your free sheet music, click on the Free Music tab above. 
   
   If the point of it is just to say, "Here I am," and you have no purpose beyond letting whoever straggles in know that you do all those things, then it's fine. If, however, that is the case, I would ask why that matters to a reader. I do not mean to sound like a jerkface. I ask this from a marketing standpoint. I'm assuming you at least want them to come back from time to time. People are interested in themselves. To capture their interest there has to be an implied benefit to them. You have to spell it out for them. Otherwise your text is simply saying, "Hey, I am here and do these things." Which they will read and think, "Great." And then move along to another website that promises them something.
   
   Figure out what you want from your site. Figure out how what you want can become something of value to others. Rewrite your text in that way. Then, if there's something you want them to do, direct them to the step that gets them set up for that thing.  If you have several things to offer, then break it into sections, with a call to action for each.
   
   Hope this helps. Good luck with your site.

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4. 59

   jtylerposted 13 years ago

   I see what you're saying.  The point of the website itself is to link to all of my articles, my blog, my free sheet music, and my backing tracks.  It will basically serve the same function it does now, it will just be more user friendly, much more attractive, etc.  If you want to look at my website the way it is now, the link to it is on my profile here.
   
   Really, I want to give the reader an idea of what the website's about.  However, if you would recommend something else that would make it more likely the reader would look at an article, feel free to leave a comment about that.
   
   Thanks for the help.
   
   
   EDIT - the other replies look good.  Thanks.

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