I'd like feedback on my Hub: Why do we do, what we do?

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   writejtposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Why do we do, what we do? (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 69

      Elsie Hagleyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Welcome to HubPages.
      You have started well with writing, try breaking up the text and using more modules with titles at the top of the text.
      Add photos with a large one at the top, also use videos, a poll to get your readers involved.
      HubPages like about 1000 to 1200 words.
      Hope this is helpful.
      Have a great day.

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         writejtposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thank You

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   2. 98

      theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      Here are some suggestions:
      
      1. Your title is not very compelling or likely to be found in a web search. Could you think of something more snappy and which gives people a reason to click on it?
      
      2. You have just pasted text into a single capsule. It should be broken up into at least three capsules, otherwise it looks like a big block of text. When reading on a screen, it's better to have some white space to rest the eye and draw it down.
      
      3. Include a copyright free image at the top of the page. This again will invite further investigation by a potential reader.
      
      4. Your introduction could do with some work - tell you reader what the hub is about, again, it is all about making the article compelling. "How is it that..." is a bit clunky. Start with "Why does a person make the ultimate sacrifice, while another will murder? Or something like that.
      
      5. Get rid of unnecessary words. If a word doesn't perform a clear duty or purpose - delete it. It will sharpen your writing. For example: "Fulfillment can only be achieved through a pattern of living in which we focus on two spiritual needs." can be shortened to, "Fulfillment is achieved by focusing on two spiritual needs." You might think that 'a pattern of living' adds to the sentence, but it doesn't, it makes it soft and spongy.
      
      6. Use bullet points to highlight the needs at the beginning of the piece. They make a list easier to read.
      
      7. 'Hordes' is several crowds of people and is incorrect and unnecessary with 'varied activities'.
      
      8, "We, I think, have been maintaining this as one of the most difficult questions of life. Not only that there is no historical figure who did not attempt to answer this but also all there is no one who did not become a historical entity despite pontificating on this question." It doesn't get any woollier than this. I don't understand it. How could you make it more succinct and understandable to the average reader?  You have to write so that people don't have to keep re-reading the paragraph to make sense of what you are saying. Read your work out aloud, that will help you cut through the waffle. Remember you are writing for the internet - people have short attention spans.
      
      9. Google "writing cut unnecessary words" and you'll find lots of tips on how to write with clarity.
      
      I'll stop there otherwise I will be guilty of waffle too! You have enough to be going on with
      
      Hope that helps.

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         writejtposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Great advice, Thanks

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   3. 89

      emi sueposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      A few more images and break up that text, and it'll be in good shape.
      Also, I agree, that the title should be rethought. I have a hard time with titles too.
      The best advice I've found is to think of what you would search if you were looking for an article like yours.
      Going luck!

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   writejtposted 8 years ago

   Thankyou for the hints, good, relevant images are eluding me!

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      emi sueposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Well what I would do, like in your third paragraph, you are taking a lot about fulfillment. I would type fulfillment into Google Image search and see what comes up.
      Most people suggest using original images. if that's your style,  then maybe you can at least get some ideas.
      Another suggestion, in your sixth paragraph you talk about children. Maybe use a picture of a child?
      Visuals are important but most of the time they're  just for looks. 
      Yes, they should be relevant, but don't put too much thought into.
      
      Hope that's helpful.

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         writejtposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, I read, I googled, and I updated my hub. Thanx a lot!

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         theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         No. You are giving bad advice. You can't take images from Google. It's actually illegal. You have to make sure they are copyright-free and that you are allowed to use them. If you don't, you could be sued by the image owner. You must use your own images or find those that are Creative Commons licensed and free to use. Try compfight.com
         
         Here's what Hubpages says in the Learning Center. You should both spend some time there
         
         "It is not okay to use an image that you have just found on Google Images. Many people search on Google Images and just credit "Google Images" for their photos. This is incorrect. Google Images did not create that image, nor does it host it. Google Images helps you find images, but it is not the best tool for finding images to use, as not all of those images are licensed to be used by other people."
         
         http://hubpages.com/learningcenter/legal-image-use

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            writejtposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            So I need to remove all pics from my hub? I read the legal-image-use instructions, which is quite intimidating (esp for lazy people) and time consuming. I think I will remove all images.

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               theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               There are plenty of links to sites on that page, where you can find legitimate images.
               
               All that info is useful, not only for HP, but for your own sites/blogs as well.

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   ddsurfscaposted 8 years ago

   your article is very wordy and I feel like all the extra wording is not helping your main theme for now I am even more in question --why do we do what we do?  you most definately need to come up with a different title.

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