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My hubpage

  1. profile image0
    janellelkposted 6 years ago

    Just curious what you guys think..  I submitted my hub to the writing contest where it's  featured as Latest.  My points have increase, but I just wanted some feedback if possible.

    I know the style of speech is a bit informal and whatnot, but I really like it that way.  However, I am open to any and all suggestions.  Let me know!

    How to Design and Decorate a Starter Apartment.

    Thanks!

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    Website Examinerposted 6 years ago

    Looks really impressive. It is always helpful to provide the link, which is allowed on this forum. Hopefully, others will come and comment in-depth:

    http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Design-a … -Apartment

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      janellelkposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Oops, sorry.  I tried to provide an html link but it didn't read.  Thanks so much!!

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    Website Examinerposted 6 years ago

    You are welcome. Since no one has commented, I took another look, and found some problem areas:

    - Punctuation. Most of it is OK, but there are rather many places where you have not inserted commas, and sentences are harder to read as a result, such as:

    ----relationship (COMMA) but it has presented

    ---- experience (COMMA) but I could easily

    ----I wanted to avoid (COMMA) so I budgeted

    ----it bought us time and (COMMA) in the long run, saved us

    ----We didn’t feel that urgency to buy a couch (COMMA) otherwise we were doomed

    -Accuracy of language. I do appreciate your deliberately informal (cool?) style. But for your article to be informative, every sentence has to mean something and be accurate. Sometimes, it appears a bit sloppy, like:

    ----First is first. (First things first).

    ----online web sites (online stores / websites - all websites are online, so that is redundant)

    ----We didn’t feel that urgency to buy a couch otherwise we were doomed (We didn't feel such a strong urgency..., otherwise we would have been doomed)

    ----emails and texts to one another (emails and text messages...)

    ----This was a big one for us. We kind of ran into it like little kids in a toy shop. (A big what? What does "kind of" mean? - it doesn't mean anything, so it is redundant)

    ----Luckily we did not bring our wallets with at first. (Luckily, we did not bring our wallets with us at first).


    Overall, it reads well. But you can achieve a much more professional result and interesting read by polishing, tightening and making corrections.

    Good luck! W.E.

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      janellelkposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      Ah, thank you so much!  Made your corrections and will look it over a few more times to tighten up the language.  Great point!

 
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