Dumb and Dumber-Don't flick your boogers into the wind, and more unusual laws in the U.S. Part One

Alabama and Alaska odd laws. Keep or Toss?

Dumb and Dumber… outdated laws in the U.S. Part 1

I would like to thank Tammy L, and Shadesbreath. Tammy gave me the idea for this hub with her comment on my “Burial Rituals to Die For” hub about it being illegal, in Texas, to cuss in the vicinity of a dead person.

Shadesbreath ‘s hub http://hubpages.com/hub/Ten-More-Top-Ten-Most-Asked-Questions-in-the-World gave me the formula to deal with this in what I feel is the best way possible.

This will have to be a series, as there are way too many stupid laws for just one hub. I believe we’ll start with Alabama and work our way through. I thought I would stretch the limits of my imagination and call this hub “Part One”.


I think it’s important our congress and senate come up with 1900 page bills; the loggers need the work.

Since we can’t seem to control our federal bill-makers, I think maybe it’s time we did a little house cleaning at home, in our respective states. First on the agenda- let’s shred some of the old laws and make room for plants. Plants in government buildings are really a necessity. I’m fairly certain our civil servants could use some extra oxygen.

I thought I would throw some of these laws your way, and decide if they should be kept or tossed. You may disagree with me. I’m pretty smart, though, so I doubt that you will.

Let’s begin.

Alabama:

(1) It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache in church that causes laughter.

Commentary/Decision (This actually makes all kinds of sense. We can’t have laughter in church, the hell fire/brimstone service wouldn’t be nearly so frightening if the guy next to you has a fake mustache that keeps falling off.

On the other hand, we might not fall asleep in church nearly so often. This is a tough one. I’m going to have to go with staying awake for the “off to hell with you” sermons. Maybe one day something will sink in. If not, at least church will be more entertaining.) (Toss)

(2) Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Commentary/Decision (Can you imagine the poor slob who’s working on the railroad track and takes a break for lunch. He pulls out a bag of pretzels and well…that could end poorly. This one should go.) (Toss)

(3) Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

Commentary/Decision (I believe in freedom of booger-flipping. If I want to flip my boogers into the wind, against the wind, or just break wind, I should not be hampered from doing so. Toss it guys!) (Toss)

(4) You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

Commentary/Decision (I think we can throw this away. I’m not sure what people were doing when they came up with this law, but we now know better than to run up and lick stuff sticking out of a person’s back pocket.) (Toss)

(5) It’s illegal to operate a vehicle while blindfolded.

Commentary/Decision (This probably should stay on the books, I know people who would totally do this all the time if only it were legal.) (Keep)

Alaska:

(1)It is illegal to tie your pet dog to the roof of the car.

Commentary/Decision (Another idiotic law! Rover enjoys the scenery and we don’t have to deal with the doggie drool. Good-bye law, hello doggie luggage rack! Also, I noticed this said, “Pet dog”. Does this mean you can tie stray dogs to the roof of the car? Sweet!) (Toss)

(2)One may not roam the city with bows and arrows.

Commentary/Decision (I’m sure we can all see the ludicrousness of this law. How can a super-hero hope to fight crime without her bows and arrows? ~and pink speedo~ Not to mention all the kids who’s hopes of playing “Indian” will be crushed. Throw it out. Come on. Do it for the kids.) (Toss)

(3) It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

Commentary/Decision (I know a lot of hunters that must be ticked off about this. Everyone knows the best way to get a moose into the sack is to get him drunk.) (T oss)

(4) Owners of flamingos may not let their pets into barbershops.

Commentary/Decision (I’m going to assume this must have been a huge problem at one time, which leads one to wonder about the relationship between the olden-day cowboys and their flamingos. Did they really ride horses, or was it all just a cover up?) (Toss)

And the last one for today…

(5) Persons may not allow “attractive nuisances” to exist.

Commentary/Decision (I have to ask. Does this mean if there’s a hot chick who mows her lawn in her bathing suit, I would have the right to take her out with a sawed off shot gun and a blow torch? I’m just curious. For the sake of Tiffani-next-door maybe this law should go.) (Toss)

Until next time, I hope you all are being law-abiding citizens, except maybe Tiffani’s other female neighbors. We probably shouldn’t make sure she stops existing. Probably .

Keep or Toss?

Do you believe you should be able to flick your boogers into the wind?

See results without voting

More by this Author


Comments 47 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Okay, these laws are embarrassing and make us look like idiots. Keep them coming.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

I come to breakfast with you almost every morning, pop. I have to say, America's lawmakers are looking like idiots period.

Thanks for stopping by. Oh, and thanks for the bacon this morning, it was great!


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

Rolls eyes and deeply sighs...another confirmation that an overall over-haul is needed! Dear God! Sueroy, where are you finding these?...Never mind, don't answer that! These are our tax dollars hard at work! I do love your hubs, tho...and your thinking! I shall breathlessly await more...can always use a good laugh!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Thank you tenderheart. It's always nice to see you here. There are hundreds of websites with these laws. The one I liked the best was

http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/

You are right about the over-haul! The fact that these laws (and OH, so many more!) are still on the books speaks volumes to how we have let government go unchecked.

On the other hand... it is great fodder for the humor writer... and me too!


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

Darlin, you ARE a humor writer!!! and dang good at it, too!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Bless you a millions times, tenderheart!!! :)

I think I'll print that out and put it on my fridge!


Tammy L profile image

Tammy L 5 years ago from Jacksonville, Texas

I am honored that I helped inspire this set of hubs from you. Commentary on the last law: I guess it's okay to let the fat lady wash her car wearing a tight T-shirt?


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Tammy- the fat lady is fine. Unattractive nuisances can be left alone. It's just the attractive ones that need to be shot and burned to a crisp.

Thanks for the inspiration! I've been meaning to start writing these ever since your comment, but I kept getting distracted; that damn Tifiini has a husband who mows the lawn in a mankini...


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Dumb crazy laws still on the books are the mother lode for funny hubs. I know, I wrote five of them some time ago:

First: "53 Dumb Crazy Stupid Laws"

Then: "Dumb Crazy Stupid Laws - Part 2

And: "Crazy Dumb Funny Laws"

And: "Funny Dumb Crazy Laws"

Finally: "Dumb Crazy Laws Worldwide"


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

drbj- Your hub, "Dumb Crazy Laws Worldwide" had the links to all the other articles in it, so that's the link I placed on my page.

I'm going to wait until I'm finished with mine to read yours, I don't want to accidently plagiarize.

Thanks for letting me know about them! I know in my heart they're hilarious!

This is, for realsies, the mother load. It's good to know we're getting something worth while out of these crazy laws!


Silver Poet profile image

Silver Poet 5 years ago from the computer of a midwestern American writer

Laughing out loud. Thanks so much!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Silver- thank you for dropping by, laughing, and commenting! I love it when people do a hat trick!


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

there is so much here, and so little time...

My favorite sign in the UK was a little metal plate, two inches by about six, that was attached to a telegraph pole outside the village church, about fifteen feet up. It read, "Do Not Throw Stones At This Sign."

I spent my youth meeting that particular challenge...I mean, really, what were they thinking!!!

Chris


Tammy L profile image

Tammy L 5 years ago from Jacksonville, Texas

There was a sign next to some railroad tracks in my hometown of Tyler, Texas that read "Do not stop on railroad tracks". That must be for those who had just landed on the planet, Earth.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- THAT is hilarious! I cannot imagine what kind of inner strength it would take to NOT throw stones at that sign. OMG!

Out of curiosity.. what's a telegraph pole? Is that like a pre-curser to the telephone pole? Are you sure you're only forty-twelve?


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

OK telephone pole...

I am officially one hundred and forty thirteen...

C


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- haha, I suspected as much.

Does She-who-must-be-adored have an issue with the age difference??


Pixienot 5 years ago

Ditto to all the fine comments above. Between you and Chris I'm laughing hard. Might have trouble putting my pillow on my head tonight just picturing that sign about not throwing rocks!

Funny - all of it (well, most of it) was very funny!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pixienot-aka-my mom-

Thank you for the compliment (well, most of it).

I have a question for you as well... why are you putting a pillow on your head? Are you trying a new method of sleeping, or are you feeling depressed, in which case, I believe you should shoot for putting it on your face.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

After you are done with the laws, you can start on funny signs!

The funniest sign I ever saw was "We do not rent pigs". It was in a store window in Wailuku, Maui, Hawaii. I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone would want to rent a pig or why they would get so many requests that they would have to officially deny pig rentals.

I still like the Texas death cussing law! hahahaha


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Tammy- I'm sorry, I missed your comment somewhere between Chris being massively aged, and my mom putting a pillow on her head. I do think most of the signs we have are for beings from other planets. Proof again of life outside our world!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin, Texas's death-cussing law rocks. They could actually make a sitcom based on this. "They" being the aliens the signs are made for.

As for the pig rentals, how would that work if, say, you were wanting to rent the pig for a pig roast? Would it be acceptable to just return the uneaten portions, or would they want an invite to the barbeque?

They probably kept getting the bones back and no invites, hence the sign! Too funny!


bettybarnesb profile image

bettybarnesb 5 years ago from Bartlett, TN

What can I say, I needed a laugh. Wishing you and your family health, peace and prosperity for 2011. Happy New Year!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

I enjoyed reading your witty piece. This is fun! Well done.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Betty- Thank you for the New Year's Wish... I wish the same for you and your family as well... I hope if you travel you remember to only tie STRAY dogs to the roof of your car!

Happy New Year!

James.. always nice to see you. I know in my heart you are one person who'll never get ticketed for flicking boogers into the wind! (I'm not so sure you wouldn't wear a fake mustache to church, though!) Happy New Year!!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 5 years ago from Florida

I love these crazy laws! I think they should remain on the books so that all the world can see that we Americans are lunatics.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mysterylady- I think that's a great idea! I do hope, if we keep them, though, someone can let everyone know the deal.

I was walking down the street the other day with an ice-cream cone in my pocket and got a warning ticket. It's a scary world out there! Thank god I didn't flick my boogers into the wind!!


annmackiemiller profile image

annmackiemiller 5 years ago from Bingley Yorkshire England

made me laugh - thanks


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Thanks for coming by and laughing with me, annmackie!


tlpoague profile image

tlpoague 5 years ago from USA

I can't believe I missed this hub! I must have had my head buried in the sand. Outragious laws! Did you know that in Washington State bigfoot is protected? Can't kill or capture one. I had to laugh!

Keep up the great work...I can't wait to read more.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Tipoague- I'm so glad you let me know about that. There were no signs warning me when I captured a bigfoot the other day. He's been happily living in my basement cooking for my family. This is the best we've eaten in years, I hate that I'm going to have to return him. I'm not sure he's going to be happy either... he said "ugh ew cug" which I'm pretty sure means "I hate the cold climate up there in Washington State, I want to stay hear and become a master chef."

He has a bit of an accent, though, so the translation may not be exact.


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Hahahaha.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Qudsai- Thanks for stopping by to laugh with me! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Qudsai- Thanks for stopping by to laugh with me! :)

Also, Tipoague- "I want to stay HERE..." not "hear"... ack! I hate it when my fingers don't pay attention to proper spelling as they type!! ~shudder~ (or should I say ~shutter~)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Had to look a few up in Canada and here is one for you:

it is illegal anywhere in Canada to pay for a 26 cent item in all pennies. The limit is 25 cents. If you are paying for your item in nickels, then its illegal to pay for it in nickels if its over $5. Its also illegal to pay for something over $10 dollars in all dimes. Wild! The funny thing about this is I actually was told that I could not use my rolled up pennies to purchase something one time in a corner store. Never went back there again.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Susan-That's hilarious! I guess American's are not alone in being idiots! I feel so comforted.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia

I love your commentary, you are so funny!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

stricklydating- thank you so much for reading, and for commenting. There is no higher compliment you could pay a want-to-be humorist, than to tell her she's funny!

Thank you so much!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I have heard of some crazy ones - like I think here there is one that says you can't take a bath with your sister on Saturday nights. I guess the other 6 days are fine! Omg!

You rock Sue! I can always laugh here at your hub;)!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho- Thanks for laughing! These ARE insane! Yes, I believe it's OK to marry your sister as well- as long as you keep in mind that first cousins get priority!!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Jeeze there are some head scratchers aren't there! I really think it is a perfect reason for the government to just step aside and let us make our own newer improved and better laws!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho- definitely. My first law would be that I can bathe my donkey in my bathtub on ANY day of the week.

Also that all beer would be free.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I'll go for the beer and the donkey!

Also let's be able give the moose a beer too! Gosh! I'm tired of telling mine no!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho- Oh, thank God you remembered Bull Winkle! I'd have never lived it down if he were left out!! Bless you!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Haha! Remember Rocky and Bull Winkle? I named my dog Rocky when I was a kid - he was a Welsch Corgy! He did not look like a squirrel or a prize fighter!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Realho- I'm secretly still in love with Bull Winkle. Don't tell my husband. :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Your secrets safe with me! Ummmmmmm! Shame on you!

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