Before you self-diagnose yourself with a disorder as the reason why you push people away please go back further. I pushed people away because of low self esteem and negative childhood experiences. Not once did a licensed therapist ever tell me I had a disorder and I faithfully went to sessions for 5 years so before you label yourself "disordered" look hard at all of the possible life events that could be influencing your behavior now. We learn how to behave with others based on how we were treated in the past; if the treatment was kind, considerate and loving then we treat people the same way. If the treatment was demeaning, hurtful and indifferent then the corresponding behavior will be filled with apathy and mistrust. Even if you do have this disorder that still does not mean your personal responsibility and self control genes have been removed. Everyone has the power to modify their own behavior, disorder or not.
If, as you rightfully identified, that you are just like everyone that commented then that would include many that moved past their unfortunate circumstances to live a fulfilling and contented life. We ALL make mistakes and have hurt dumped on us...we ALL also pass on some of that to those we claim to love at times but then we learn to quit doing the crap that no longer works and the things that make us miserable. So, my answer to you is: before you label yourself ask this one question- What is it that I am so afraid of that it keeps me from fully connecting with amazing people? You obviously have enough positive pull to attract a wonderful woman so that would tell me that all hope is not lost. Hell, everyone feels ambivalent from time to time but it is fear of getting hurt, being judged and of not measuring up that causes us to push love away not ambivalence.