I am on here reading all of these posts and have come to the conclusion that i h

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   n8thompsposted 13 years ago

   I am on here reading all of these posts and have come to the conclusion that i have ambivelent...
   
   attachment disorder. i also am just like everyone on this post. a little piece of every post on here is me totally. i hate being this way. i am with an amazing woman and today basically ruined our relationship because of the way i am. i'm 35 years old and i want to be with her the rest of my life, BUT keep pushing her away. she tells me how much she loves me all the time and most of the time a say " i don't believe you" or " no you don't ". it is or has driven her away. i just want to feel her love as much as i feel that i love her. i also keep thinking that she is going to leave me even thoug

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   msorenssonposted 13 years ago

   No..not really, it is not a disorder at all. It is actually more normal than most people would admit or know. It has got to to with programming...I cannot go into this in depth right now but there is a mechanism...a counterpoint if you will, when everything is going fine and the very thing or person that you want you push away, unconsciously because in your mind there is this charge on negative goals. Positive goals are erasable, but negative goals are not. In this case, yours and most everyone else;s negative goal is "To not have a great love affair" in opposition to "To have a great love affair." This oppositions can actually drive one mad.
   So your objective is to allow yourself to have a great love affair but you have to keep doing it...to overcome the negative goal.

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   Coolbreezingposted 13 years ago

   I can't admit that I push people away unintentionally for anything that is done unintentional is not known. It may imply to me in future times that I have pushed people away for taking a certain position in life. But without knowing what it is that push people away about me I cannot change my character to suit other people's comfort or interest.

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   Elleaskuposted 13 years ago

   n8thomps,
   
   Before you self-diagnose yourself with a disorder as the reason why you push people away please go back further. I pushed people away because of low self esteem and negative childhood experiences. Not once did a licensed therapist ever tell me I had a disorder and I faithfully went to sessions for 5 years so before you label yourself "disordered" look hard at all of the possible life events that could be influencing your behavior now.  We learn how to behave with others based on how we were treated in the past; if the treatment was kind, considerate and loving then we treat people the same way. If the treatment was demeaning, hurtful and indifferent then the corresponding behavior will be filled with apathy and mistrust. Even if you do have this disorder that still does not mean your personal responsibility and self control genes have been removed. Everyone has the power to modify their own behavior, disorder or not.
   
   If, as you rightfully identified, that you are just like everyone that commented then that would include many that moved past their unfortunate circumstances to live a fulfilling and contented life.  We ALL make mistakes and have hurt dumped on us...we ALL also pass on some of that to those we claim to love at times but then we learn to quit doing the crap that no longer works and the things that make us miserable.  So, my answer to you is: before you label yourself ask this one question- What is it that I am so afraid of that it keeps me from fully connecting with amazing people?  You obviously have enough positive pull to attract a wonderful woman so that would tell me that all hope is not lost.  Hell, everyone feels ambivalent from time to time but it is fear of getting hurt, being judged and of not measuring up that causes us to push love away not ambivalence.

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