One Father's Views on Raising his Children.

Everything is coming up roses - Hopefully.

Parenting rules - who should be in control? The Parents or the Children?

Should we teach our children common sense and logic; or religious psycho babble?

Should every citizen be considered equal in status and rights? What to teach our children to prevent hatred and intolerance.

The following are a few words from a proud father of 8 children.

All are now grown and each one is a productive member of society, with generous hearts, that give love and understanding freely to their own children as well as other people that surround them. No parent can ever expect more, or less, than that outcome for all of their children.

Some times as i observe all my beautiful children, the pride swells so much inside of me that i feel like i will surely burst.

My parenting rules were, at times, considered unconventional by our mainstream society [and religion], who kept reminding me of the old adage: "spare the rod - spoil the child".

But common sense always prevailed and i taught those babies my own views of life, and how it should be, without trying to shield them from the ugly realities of the world around them.

Open discussions were encouraged, and even expected, with their own individual views accepted as valid; and always candidly and openly discussed with rationality and logic.

I would not have changed anything about those precious moments with all my children together as a family. They were always treated with respect, love, understanding and acceptance; and each of them knew they were loved and accepted unconditionally.

There were the normal occasional teenage problems that each of them faced from time to time, but with discussion and encouragement, and the mutual 'protecting' of one another, there were no hurdles too great to overcome with logic, common sense and rationalization.

I never lied to any of my children about life, religion, sex, Santa clause or Jesus.

They never had to experience disappointment, guilt, hatred or intolerance by others, or feel alone and isolated from family, friends and society in general.

Self respect was imperative and that always leads to respect toward others.

They were never subjected to radical religious teachings, but were taught about the diversity of religious beliefs around the world.

I always told them that when they grew up and are out on their own they would be able and capable of making a decision, if and when, they chose to join any religious sect.

Thank goodness they never had that need to belong to any cult, or religion, but never put anyone else down for their choices or personal beliefs.

Even today with all the psycho babble they see and hear about religion and morality in the streets, on T.V., etc.., they still frequently and adamantly thank me for not subjecting them to that mentality that represses free thinking, acceptance, and tolerance that leads to the misanthropy that they find so prevalent in others around them.

My proudest legacy to this world is the sum of all my children.

Each of them will share and spread their enlightened existences with their own children and hopefully exponentially help to eradicate some of the damage that has been done to mankind in the name of false worship for an obscure, non-existent, wrathful entity that promotes guilt, hatred, bigotry and intolerance around the globe and is just an enigmatic persona that exists only in the imagination of the fairy tale world.

We certainly are realistically aware that, as parents, we can never really know the inner secretive thoughts of our children - or any other person in this world, other than our own. Think back when you were a teenager. Did you really think that your parents knew everything, or had all the correct answers, to all of their questions? I suspect not.

But the next best thing to knowing everything, and having all the answers, would have been to have parents, and siblings, who were not afraid to explore all the turmoils and questions that a teenager has growing up in a world of turmoil and uncertainty.

By engaging them in a logical, rational discussion and being able to instill in that teenager the sense to explore all possibilities, with both the good and bad consequences, of any decision they might make; and then have to live with those consequences for the rest of their lives, they rarely made an inappropriate decision.

This kind of open ended rationalization generally led to the best and most appropriate conclusion to the present dilemma they were facing. I never demanded that they "do as i say" just because i was the adult. Teens are caught in that half way place between child and adult and need to learn how to reason and reach a conclusion based on logic - not emotion.

I suspect children are basically no different today than when we were their age.

There are questions they still hesitate to ask their parents, but they need to know that if they do, it will be treated with respect and understanding - not judgmental or condescending..

Of course today's children are more sophisticated with access to the Internet right at their finger tips, but they must be taught early that everything on the W.W.W. is not what it seems to be at its face value.

We started teaching my little prodigies from their times of birth, those things that would not be acceptable in this world. By that i mean, things that are against man's laws, inappropriate for children versus adults (alcohol, drugs, premarital sex, etc.) and things that were socially unacceptable (hatred, intolerance, bigotry, bullying, physical or mental abuse, name calling, labeling, stereotyping, being judgmental or critical of others, etc..).

The following is a vital part of my list of things i felt they had to be made aware of and to be instilled in my children:

• Never leave total education of your children to religion or schools. Know what they are learning and offset any biased material they are being presented with.

• Encourage their involvement in government and understanding of how it works - both the good and the bad. Centrism is always the best policy to adopt. Extremism is always too divisive and generally serves no purpose in politics, except to drive people apart. Government policy should always be based on the concept of equality for all citizens.

• Encourage them to always be comfortable with telling us what they think and why they came to the conclusion they did.

• Encourage them to learn new things. Knowledge is power over failure. While they are in school learning, there will always be those who make fun of the smarter children, probably out of jealousy. Being put down by peers for being smarter than they are is of little or no consequence to their futures. It is their problem to overcome, not yours.

• Encourage them to be independent and never influenced by peer pressure. This is especially important when going to college. Fraternities serve no purposes. They do not make you any smarter, a better person, or add to your knowledge. The true friendships that they make in life are more important to nurture than belonging to a group, pack, or gang. Independence and self assurance (self confidence) is more important than belonging to a group or a clique.

• Never tolerate abuse: either toward you, or toward others. Intimidating, threatening, or frightening other people is wrong in any form. If you see it and do not address it, it makes you a party to it.

• Never "blindly" follow any political, social party, or group. Never join any group or organization without fully understanding what they represent, how they work, and why they were started in the first place.

• Always encourage and praise groups that represent human and animal rights. All life is sacred.

• Respect the earth, and realize that all our planet's resources are limited.

• Respect each other and yourself.

This is a lot of responsibility for parents to bear.

It is done over time, but if we choose to have children it is the parents responsibility to raise their young the best way possible for them to survive in this world.

We, as parents, are responsible for raising our children to be decent, loving, caring and productive adults. This responsibility belongs solely to the parents.

As a side note: I do have one gay child who, even as an adult, cannot understand how such intolerance and hatefulness can still exist in a world of such diversity and complexity and enlightenment. He was never made to feel 'different' or less of a person, for his birth right. We cannot choose the conditions of our birth: like the color of our hair, our eyes, or our skin.

It is totally up to our Creator, or Mother Nature to decide these inherent characteristics of our offspring.

I still have no sensible, rational, intelligent or logical answer to give him as to why these things happen.. No man has these answers, No man has the right to judge others for being different.

Despite all the adversities and ignorance in this world this child has managed to overcome them all, and still manage to survive and thrive, and is today a prominent lawyer who is actively trying to make a difference in creating a world that provides equality for every person born. Equality, after all is, or should be, a birth right for everyone born on this planet.

Unfortunately, we still have narrow minded bigots who insist on creating laws to suit only those who would fit into the same mold as they do.

I love all my children, every single one of the, unconditionally and will until i die.. I always believed that i would live to see equality and compassion prevail in my life time, but i am beginning to doubt that will happen any time soon.

I also know that their mother would be as proud of all of them, as i am today, if she were still alive. Although they were all very young when she passed away, i have never let her memory fade. Her spirit was (is) always present to help me with their upbringing and guidance. Other than having her with us throughout this process, i would not have changed a single thing.

by d.william 01/09/11