Overcontrolling Parents

1. 59

   Nat Amaralposted 11 years ago

   I'm a 38 year old who is still controlled by her parents.  Is it worth the risk to just walk away for my own peace of mind?

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   1. 60

      HarperDavisposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Yes.
      
      I've learned being blood related to someone doesn't equate to them having your best interests at heart, and being controlling is a selfish behavior.
      
      In fact, I strongly encourage you purchase the book "Safe People" for help and guidance.

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   2. 60

      BonnyCposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      It's not worth it to have anyone in your life that is overly controlling, or controlling at all. That's a sign of emotional abuse, actually. I would definitely distance myself from them for my own sanity.

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   3. 60

      By His Wayposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      There's no such thing as someone who can control you. The fact is that there are people who try to control you, and you then allow it.
      
      In general, if you're a minor or have special needs and the parentals are the one that help to take care of you, then that needs to be taken into consideration. A good talk is in order depending on what you mean by "controlling you". Are they truly trying to controll you or are they just being responsible and protective.
      
      If neither of the above are the case, then you need to begin to separate yourself a bit. It can be done with respect though. It's tough, but it can be done because when you put your foot down, you've done it respectfully, and you follow through...then there's nothing they can say or do other than accept it.
      
      If there are no obstacles or reasons why you can't become independent completely on your own, then why have you not been? That's the real question. Go from there.
      
      Good luck

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2. 83

   psycheskinnerposted 11 years ago

   If you have the means to earn your own way, being controlled is something you are agreeing to.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      Second that premise.   You are actually using the issue of your parents controlling you as a subterfuge and as an excuse of not being self-actualized and achieving your own goal.   You subconsciously want to play it safe and be in the proverbial womb rather than to be independent and to live your own life on your own terms!

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3. 62

   prettydarkhorseposted 11 years ago

   You can do that, then you can learn to know more about your potential and be the best that you can!

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4. 60

   Disturbiaposted 11 years ago

   You are the only one who can answer your own question if it's worth the risk or not, because no one else but you knows your situation.  It's easy to tell you that if you feel they are controlling you, it's because you let them. But things, especially relationships, be they with parents or lovers, are never that simple.  Control comes in may forms, intentional, unintentional, financial, emotional, physical. You don't give us any details about your life.  Are you an only child and your parents just can't let you go?  You don't say whether you have a job or even a place to go when you leave.  You can't just walk out into the streets. To break away, you need a plan and resources.  Perhaps you could talk to them about it or get some family counselling. Above all, be kind, they are after all your parents and have your best interests at heart, even though they may be somewhat misguided in their application. To give the benefit of doubt, they may not even be aware they are controlling you. In many families, it's just an unspoken rule that if you live under your parent's roof, you follow the parent's rules.

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5. 61

   Monisajdaposted 11 years ago

   There is a book called "Toxic Parents". Google it and read, you may find some answers to your question.

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   1. 0

      kelleywardposted 11 years agoin reply to this

      I think it is best to separate yourself from your parents so you can establish healthy boundaries with yourself and then them. The book toxic parents is a great resource!

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6. 67

   libby1970posted 11 years ago

   Parents should learn how to allow their children to grow and become adults and be on their own. You can't parent a child all their lives!
   
   You have to learn to cut the ties if they can't! It's unhealthy for you as an adult to make your own decisions and move on with your life!
   
   I suggest moving away. That's what I did. I moved out of the state! It works!

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7. 84

   grand old ladyposted 11 years ago

   It's never too late to forge your own path and achieve something for yourself. Martha Mitchell's book, "Gone With The Wind" was published when she was 36 years old. It was the only book she ever wrote, and she won a Pulitzer Prize for it.

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