I'd like feedback on my article: Reading novel in your free time

1. 0

   Shroudsposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Reading novel in your free time (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 92

      Jeremy Gillposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Here are my suggestions:
      
      1) Capitalize all key words in your title. Additionally, the title could use some improvement (be specific).
      2) Remove errors like the lack of a space after this period: ..."sleeping.For me..."
      3) Your pictures could be improved. Use vivid, colorful images, and space them throughout your article. The beginning of your work could especially use more aesthetic value.
      4) Your article is flirting with being too short. Adding another section may help.
      5) I'd change the numbered list at the end into a table. The three headings could be Title, Author, and Genre. A short plot summary of each is another idea.
      6) Italicize book titles.
      
      Hope these help, and best of luck.

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2. 0

   pen promulgatesposted 6 years ago

   What I find as the problem is that your sentences don't relate to one another. The parallel structure is missing which blocks the smoothness and flow in your article.
   
   Word choice is awkward too.
   For instance, 'attach on Facebook' sounds weird.
   Perhaps, browse on Facebook sounds better.
   
   More about parallel structure:
   you write watch TV, play computer games, attach on face book...
   Then you write 'tagged, MySpace'. That makes it weird.
   What is tagged? What is my space?
   Then you write 'maybe sleeping' even that doesn't relate much to the verbs used before.
   Keep the same form of the verbs.
   According to me, the right way should be
   'Most of us will choose to watch TV, play computer games, browse on Facebook, engage in networking, or prefer to sleep maybe.'
   (hope you understand what I mean).
   
   It should be 'Reading a novel looks' not 'looked'
   Remove 'about' later in the sentence.
   
   This sentence, 'Reading a novel looked very simple activity to do in your free time but actually, when you touch and flip over page by page you will realize that a novel is not just a novel,it is about excitement, emotion, frustration, that eventually will take you away from reality towards fantasy and dreams even your deep feeling or emotion.' can be rewritten as
   
   'Reading a novel is a simple activity to do in your free time, but when you flip the pages, you will realize that a novel is not just a novel. It is an excitement, emotion, frustration, that eventually takes you away from the reality and towards fantasy and dreams.'
   
   Like these, there are many punctuation and grammar issues.
   It's a lovely article and has your personal experience that is worthy of reading.
   Please proofread the article.
   
   Good luck.

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