I'd like feedback on my article: My Unbelievable, Sometimes Horrifying,...

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   Joel Eisenbergposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article My Unbelievable, Sometimes Horrifying, Ever-Perplexing but Entirely True Adventures in the Film and TV Biz: A Key Turns. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      Conrad Watsonposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Joel,
      I enjoyed reading the article, but for a blog post it probably needs to be a bit more succinct. Also, think about chopping it up into snappier, bite-sized chunks with some eye-catching sub-headings and interesting photos. Pixabay is a great source for free images.

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         theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Conrad, Hubpages isn't a blogging platform.

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            Conrad Watsonposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Fair point.

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               theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Just read your way-too-active-for-me Cold Comfort article - great style! I'm hunkering down quaffing litres of pity-juice (aka red wine) until spring arrives
               
               Actually, I lie. I walk for at least an hour a day with m'dogs.

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                  Conrad Watsonposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  Glad you liked it; red wine sounds like a good plan

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   AliciaCposted 6 years ago

   You've created a very engaging article. I enjoyed reading it. The title's a bit long, but I don't think that's the main problem. I'm guessing that the reviewer thought that your hub was self-promotional because of the opening photo of your book cover.

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   Rupert Taylorposted 6 years ago

   It's a blog. HubPages wants informative, media-rich, magazine-style articles; that doesn't include that you ate and showered etc etc. Sorry, I didn't get past that bit, and I suspect most other readers wouldn't.

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   Joel Eisenbergposted 6 years ago

   Appreciated. Thanks for the honest feedback.

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   theraggededgeposted 6 years ago

   You could try changing the category to Creative Writing. In its current category, you should be providing an informative article, not an auto-biographical piece.
   
   You might also want to proofread, "I’m sure Warner Brothers was hinging on his every word."

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   Marisa Wrightposted 6 years ago

   Joel, you have a choice.  Either move this to Creative Writing (probably under Personal Memoir), or rewrite it so the focus is more on offering concrete advice to aspiring writers on "the biz", based on your cautionary tale.
   
   If you choose the second option, make sure the introduction doesn't waffle or get bogged down in humorous repartee - you have about one paragraph to convince your reader you've got good information to offer, otherwise they're click back to Google and look for an article that better meets their needs.

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   Joel Eisenbergposted 6 years ago

   Thank you Marisa. Appreciate the feedback.

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   NessMovieReviewsposted 6 years ago

   Can you change it so it’s more like an instruction manual. Break it up into chunks with the capsules and add some tips from time to time on how to break in? Id follow that.

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   Joel Eisenbergposted 6 years ago

   Ha. I don’t drink but I’ll find an option.

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    Joel Eisenbergposted 6 years ago

    Thanks everyone. I sincerely appreciate all the feedback.

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    tracysheppardposted 6 years ago

    I enjoyed the article; I agree it sounds creative and more like a blog post. The amount of punctuation makes it difficult to read and gives it almost a nostalgic tone if you actually follow the punctuation. I do believe it is a good piece though!  Minor adjustments would only be necessary. I felt like I was reading an excerpt from a book. Two rules my education in writing has taught me:  Do not ever start sentences with 'but' or 'and,' and avoid commas until absolutely necessary.  Of course I've been a rebel and done this myself, but I do try to avoid it. Again, I enjoyed it!

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