Abused And Neglected...I need your story.

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   caravalhophotoposted 14 years ago

   Hello everyone...yes this is a very tough and painful subject and unfortunately our pain will not stop with us.  After reading a a hub "Outrage, 2 more girls  taken", I of course became outraged.  The outcome of 1 of the little girls has at that time been determined and she is know with a higher power.
   
   My response to this hub is as follows as that of Flightkeeper's:
   
   caravalhophoto wrote:
   What is hard for people to grasp is even with the "castration" done, the offender will still offend.  It is sexual, however it is not the sex that drives this scum to do what they do.  It is "power", the power over an innocent, whether it be a child, young adult or senior citizen
   
   My suggestion: Put them in an old shed, sit them down, nail their dick to a log, give them a dull knife and start the shed on fire.  If they are able to get out with 1/2 a dick...shoot them between the eyes.
   
   I was a molested and neglected child...I kept my child safe because of the hatred I have for those people, I knew their tricks and I made sure my children where knowledgeable.
   
   Carvalho, if it's not too painful, perhaps you should write a hub about how to spot molesters and predators.  I think a lot of people would find that helpful.
   
   
   I have decided to take Flightkeepers advice and with the help of other survivors, I believe we can save a life or two.  Please send me your stories, thoughts, photos, ideas..I want to show how these people look, what they make you feel like, real.  I am so naive, I am finding it hard to believe women have become perpetrators...unbelievable!

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2. 0

   Maximus591posted 14 years ago

   You appear to have cast yourself in the role of victim and are attempting to illicit other victimsed posts in order to make yourself feel better.
   
   This serves no purpose.
   
   If you need to vent, then vent elsewhere or seek expert professional help.
   
   Abuse (not just sexual) is a very complex dynamic. Your post is just simply 'your internal put upon and needy child' seeking to express it's pain. Nothing wrong with that... but you have to be careful not to go so far as to create a 'them' and 'us' scenario. This won't help you or the abusers.

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3. 61

   caravalhophotoposted 14 years ago

   I see what your saying and that most definitely was not my intent.  I was a victim as a child but no longer look at myself as a victim but as a survivor. 
   
   My intent was to be able to get a group of writers who have survived the pain of childhood abuse and neglect to be able to help another see how the perpetrator sees his/her victim.
   
   I apologize if my post sounded callus to anyone, again not my intent.

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   1. 0

      Maximus591posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      But even so, your actions still stem from the hurt child within you. You're attempting to make the perpetrator see things from your persepective, to see your pain. I believe there is an assumption in you that thinks 'If I could make the bad guy see how I feel and make him feel responsible for the way he behaved then perhaps he wouldn't be so bad afterall' This is a very simplistic assumption... but is there a part of you that is thinking that?
      
      Do remember, a perpertrator of abuse might not be thinking what you're thinking. His/her agenda may be quite different to yours. For every person you feel you may be able to reach and shame for what they did, there will be others who won't care. Who don't carry remorse and who believe they did nothing wrong. I think you're fighting a losing battle here.
      
      Perhaps you need to focus on YOU. Focus on the things you can change about yourself and worry less about those who abused you.

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   2. 68

      ledefensetechposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It won't happen.  Perpetrators don't see their victims as people, they're just things.  Fact it, if your abuser saw you as a person, they would not have been able to abuse you.
      
      It does sound like you want to do something to help.  So help by telling people how your abuse happened.  How were you manipulated?  What techniques did your abuser use to keep you under their thumb?  Get the information out there, you never know, some kid might stumble across it, recognize it and do something to protect themselves. 
      
      You may not be able to change the past, but you might be able to make a difference in someone's future.  Surely that is a goal worth pursuing.

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4. 58

   Rosa Bergerposted 14 years ago

   I think child abuse and molestation have plenty of roots, all of which have actually covered in scientific studies over and over again.
   
   What always astounds me is that some children make it through an abusive childhood and turn into relatively normal adults, while others become offenders themselves. Hence, I think a related question to the one asked - how to recognize perpetrators - is how to survive such trauma. Maybe those who respond to your request could add their thoughts on that, too.

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   1. 61

      caravalhophotoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Absolutely agree, I get very upset when people use their pasts in a defense, but again like you stated, some people it over such a trauma differently and advise on how they survived such trauma can only be helpful.

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5. 59

   sannyasinmanposted 14 years ago

   This is a complex and emotive subject, and I don't think that Hubpages is the right vehicle to elicit other people's personal experiences in this domain.
   If you choose to relate your personal experiences because you think it will help you, or others, then that is your privilege.
   However, a more appropriate medium, and one chosen by many, is personal or group psychotherapy.
   I don't think that child molestors "look" a certain way. There have been many books and films dealing with this subject, and apparently most are "normal" in other respects.
   Also, castration or worse is not the solution. Most abusers were victims of abuse themselves, it's a vicious circle, and they deserve our help rather than hatred. This in no way condones their behaviour, but we should condemn the behaviour and not the person. Until we can find a way to help the abused, there will never be an end to abuse.     
   Hope this helps?

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6. 0

   lynnechandlerposted 14 years ago

   Cara, maybe you could just put together a hub without the personal experience part. I think what max and san are saying here is you are going about this the wrong way. My story could not be conveyed through you to its fullest potential to make others understand and it is going to be onesided.
   
   The abuser has their own mind and you were the victim so you can't possibly understand what was going through their head.
   
   Take what happened to you and turn it into a preventative line of defense. Do your research to learn what predators seek as a hunting ground, what they look for in an opportunity, and turn that into the hub not the personal experiences of others.
   
   Use what you learned about your own situation to help foster self-preservation in these situations.

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   Sexy jontyposted 14 years ago

   think positive ...... and leave away the negative thoughts .......

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8. 92

   akirchnerposted 14 years ago

   I've discovered quite personally - it is all about the individual. I was physically abused until age 13 - repeatedly and exposed to way more than any child should ever be exposed to.  I was a walking wounded to be honest through high school but somehow I consciously decided "I need more than this - I can do better than this".  However, when I married at the ripe old age of 21, I went to a counselor because I knew that there needed to be something inside me that COULD perpetuate this abuse cycle (good people do very bad things).  That helped immensely.  I will say that hands down I'm a great, well adjusted person - but I will always have "quirks".  It is not something that you can forget - you can forgive but the forgetting is the hard part.  I plan to do some hubs in the future on it - I never seem to run out of things to "say"!

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