How do you cope with a loved one being abused?

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   annb106posted 15 years ago

   How do you deal with a loved one being abused? What do you do when there is nothing that you can do for them but, talk to them and pray for their and your safety?
   They may live with a man a couple houses down the street, the man don't work, want leave, and horrasing with harsh words and has threatened them. You don't have financial backing to get them away. You or your relative are getting any sleep or rest. You are on pins and needles 24-7. It's so stressful because you are giving your all to be a blessing to abused women, and you can't help your loved one. Will you pray along with me for their safety?
   Barbara

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   1. 0

      cosetteposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      could she stay with you just for a few weeks until she finds a job? have you called the cops? there are agencies in your area that can help or at least give her some direction on where to go and how to protect herself.
      
      good luck, i hope everything turns out all right.

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         rednckwmnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

         Cops cant do anything until SHE presses charges, and often times, there needs to have already been a physical attack to be able to do so. Social Services can not enter the home. No one can, without a warrant. If he answers the door and says..its all good, they have to leave.
         There are safe houses all over, but she has to be willing to leave.
         The hard thing is, with abuse, the person abused may not be willing to admit it, even tho everyone  else can see it. It sneaks up so slow, and you think its yorur fault..I'll be good this time!! They cry..Im sorry I made you mad..sorry I got the wrong kind of soap...Ill cook it better next time...people outside can see it and they say..leave him..but she sees the good, she sees..oh I can fix hm...
         be honest. open but not accusing. you just might hurt her feelings, and even "loose" a friend..but if your point gets thru she will still be alive.
         Prayer is good, but if you believe in God, even he requires action sometiems.
         http://www.safe4all.org/?gclid=CPLvo5bY … 5QodfT1TiA
         good luck.

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            FrankiesGirl6Yrposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            I realize this answer was written almost 7 months ago, but I had to reply...Although cops are slack!      If they are called to a doestic abuse situation and they can see abuse has been given. Brusing, busted lip, and so on. They HAVE to arrest and press charges against the abuser, even if the women begs them not to. This law was passed several years ago, because most women were not pressing charges and ending up dead.

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   2. 60

      Deborah-Lynnposted 15 years agoin reply to this

      You know I am praying for you and yours, I just dealt with my 19 year old daughter leaving my home to go back to her 24 year old "Trainer" boyfriend, he is so nice on the outside, speaks well, keeps himself up, I just can't believe a man like him would bruise my little girls face...she is denying it but walks away from me or her dad when we try to ask what happened.

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   3. 61

      dutchman1951posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, I will pray with you, but...
      
      Does the woman want to leave or want him to leave?
      If so you can organise with several who know the condition and head out to the proper places and ask them to Interviene.
      
      And I would before she is seriously injured, or worse.
      
      Jon

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   4. 61

      msyrossposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I understand what you are going through more than you will ever know...My sister is in a very abusive relationship, and has allowed her boyfriend to alienate her from the entire family because we did try to take a stand for her. Now, I have only seen my sister once in a whole year..and she was sporting a black eye and 14 stitches...she said the baby did it, but we all knew better. I do have contacts that work with her, that keep me up to date....and she was just sporting a new black eye yesterday at work. There is nothing we can do for her except pray that she will get help and get tired of the situation before he finally finishes her off.........I am soo scared for my sister.

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2. 68

   Laura du Toitposted 15 years ago

   We can all pray but it may just not be enough. Have you not got social welfare that you can report this to?
   
   That man must be removed or the lady taken to a place of safety before it is too late.

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      Harleyman57posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I agree completely as retired policeman I saw so many women that when I was a young policeman I'd try to get them to leave to go to shelter to file a complaint. As the years went by I would return the injury would be worse. Then I returned as homicide detective and put a toe tag on their body. It very hard to help anyone that won't accept help. But you can pray.

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3. 0

   Lady_Eposted 15 years ago

   It's one thing to pray and another to take action. There is a lot of help out there. You can even report the case to the relevant authorities anonymously.
   
   Many people don't take action and when the person abused is in a Critical condition or Heaven forbid - dead. Then they say "had I known......"
   
   Take an Action of love on this person's behalf immediately....
   
   I wish you both well.

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4. 69

   Beth100posted 15 years ago

   Take action.  Report anonymously.  Provide her with a list of contacts in her area that available to help her.  She must take the initiative to contact them to help herself.  Good luck.

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5. 0

   Royal Diademposted 15 years ago

   I have been surviving stalking from my ex husband for the last 13 years.  The Police or the courts really did not help, and they too victimize my son who was a minor and me.  Jesus and faith in Him is how I have survived.  It has been my faith in God and learning that the safest place is in the will of the Lord.  Many church people knew what he was doing, but would not help me; in fact, they made my situation worse. He has a history of domestic violence since 1973, even his marriage since me ended in divorce in 2005, and of course, domestic violence’s again with his fifth wife, is mention in the courts.  I have left town, for him to find me, CPO’s from the courts, were not  honor by the courts, and what matters worse I have no police record and I am a  two time honorable discharges Viet Nam Veteran  from the U.S. Navy.  Yet the police or the church did not do any thing to help, but find fault with me, and my at the time minor child.
   
   You are not the one that has to cope with this; the victim must cope.  All you can do is to be there, when she has decided enough is enough.  Until then, be faithful and consistent in prayer to the Lord Jesus, who has shown me His faithfulness these last, very trying 13 years of running, to protect her, and He will.  In this situation, I found myself in with some one I never thought would hurt me and who I thought loved Jesus, has taught me the power of prayer and how  faithful Jesus really is, words can not express how He will answer your heart felt prayer for her.  Pray and fast for her, God will show you His Glory.  I am preaching this experience sermon to you.  God will, if only you put the hours it will take for this type of spirit to be bound in Jesus Name, she is battling. Prayer, lots of prayer, hours of prayer is what it will take. God bless you I will be praying I know God will bring her through.

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6. 59

   RedSonja94posted 15 years ago

   Prayer is not enough.  Call the authorities and get him away from her.  I say this from the point of view of having lost a sister to an abusive father.  Do something pro-active before it is too late.

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7. 0

   A Texanposted 15 years ago

   Remember, Gun control is using both hands!

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   1. 61

      Harleyman57posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Texan has a good point just make sure you know how to use the gun for protection. I went to several cases where women pulled a gun but didn't pull the trigger the gun was taken and they were killed with it.
      Ladies remember this it's as important for you as it is for policeman that live by it everyday. "It so much better to be tried by twelve than it is to be carried by six!"

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8. 56

   C.J. Wrightposted 15 years ago

   The laws in most states began to change drastically from 1996 forward. In many states simply threatening is enough to get you 12hrs in the hold and a date with the judge. Also in most states "arrest" is the prefered choice in response to a domestic call.  Officer's are encouraged to make every attempt to determine who is the aggressor and arrest that person.  In these cases the State brings the charges NOT the victim. In many cases the DA wont even listen to a victim who ask that charges be dropped.  If you or your neighbor can hear the disturbance, by all means call the cops. Once that's done do everything in your power to support her. Find the local Salvation Army.  They will help directly or find a local shelter. Get the person out of there long enough to decompress and decide for themselves whats best.  Pressuring them to leave is normally couter productive.  If the victim is co-dependent its unthinkable for them to stand alone.  The sad part of this is we get what we tolerate. A co-dependent victim will never see this while caught in the cycle of abuse.

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9. 38

   privateye2500posted 14 years ago

   Deb-lynn wrote: "You know I am praying for you and yours, I just dealt with my 19 year old daughter leaving my home to go back to her 24 year old "Trainer" boyfriend, he is so nice on the outside, speaks well, keeps himself up, I just can't believe a man like him would bruise my little girls face...she is denying it but walks away from me or her dad when we try to ask what happened."
   
   You say you "just dealt with it"  but then you say "she" denies it and walks away...as in the present tense.
   
   So I am confused.  I am trying to ask you, if, you have in fact *Dealt* with said situation and if so, it may be more helpful to this lady if you say *how* you dealt with it.
   
   If you have not dealt with it - as in the present tense of your daughter is still walking away and denying it is happening; then what are your plans and what are you waiting for?
   
   Please do NOT take this posting wrong.  I am so ON YOUR SIDE.  Part of my job is hunting down scumbags like these guys on a regular basis - I have been the recepient of a dead rodent in the mail and far worse - doesn't slow me down one bit.
   
   These type of men get away with what they do by promoting fear.
   Nothing more.  They are a bunch of Cowards who prey on the weaker and the fearful.  Period.
   
   ONE black eye is NO match for as the Texan said *both hands*.
   
   The fear has to end and as the law is of not much use; these things DO have a way to be dealt with...
   
   Sorry ladies of prayer - but I have yet to see praying stop a man bent on using women as punching bags...unless...they DO magically end up in jail; then become someones BITCH and then...sometimes ....they start prayin' themselves.
   
   A very few change -- but... Not Many...not many...
   
   You have to take charge and stop being afraid.

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10. 56

    yenajeonposted 14 years ago

    This is probably not what you want to hear but:
    Tell the authorities. She will eventually thank you, if not her, her children!
    
    Do the right thing.

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11. 60

    Black Lillyposted 14 years ago

    The worst thing is that in a case of domestic violence NOONE, EVER will give you real and substantial help. Bitter truth, but it's reality.
    What you can do? Stop worrying first. Then report it, regularly if needed, to all possible government institutions - children's services, police, women's protection - anything basically. When she'll see there's someone out there, she might be ready to stand up for herself.
    Whenever she is ready - help her RUN AWAY. As far as possible. Press charges, but don't expect too much. Safety comes first here, not law.
    
    Again, bitter truth is that eventually, despite all propaganda, when it comes to real help - nobody will help, she'll have to cope with this herself. And, even facing this fact, she HAS to do it. Once violence starts, it never ends.

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