Joe Explains the Technical Aspects of Getting Rich on the Internet

It's me again. My name is Joe, although since I became An Internet Millionaire I prefer to be called Joseph. Joseph is more sophisticated. When I go to a restaurant I give the maître d' a $100 dollar bill and say "My name is Joseph. I am an Internet Millionaire." I always get a good table. This works great at Applebee's.

If you don't know who I am, you might want to read this, this, and this. Now you know who I am.

I am writing to you today in order to explain the technical aspects of Getting Rich On The Internet. Every day someone asks me how to Make Money Online. I can't stand in line at the bank to cash my $200,000 monthly checks from Google without a regular person interrupting me to ask for Free Advice About Earning Money By Working As Little As One Hour A Week. Don't get me wrong; I enjoy talking to people most of the time, but once in a while it would be nice to just get in my extremely expensive Mercedes and drive home to my huge mansion without being stopped by someone who wants Free and Easy Steps to Unbelievable Internet Wealth.

Just one time I wish I could walk into Tiffany & Co. and not have to explain myself.

My system is technically simple. My wife even understands it. I have helped thousands of normal people build Quick Internet Riches by Working From Home in Their Spare Time.

Are you ready? I hope so.

Let's talk about backlinks. Some Internet Rich People will tell you that longtail backlinks derive organically from high visibility social networking domains. On the other hand, my system relies on leveraging the Page Rank (PR) gradient rather than assuming double-ended linkbacks. My strategy limits the downside risk by filtering the outliers.

So far so good. Now, let's discuss affiliate configurations. It's always a good idea to build deep and wide structures. Never ignore the bifurcation opportunities present in dormant affiliate legs. Train your Internet Millionaire trainees to be prospecting 24 hours a day. Show them the secrets of logarithmic marketing extensions as soon as they master the basic concepts.

Every one of us Internet Millionaires has dealt with an affiliate who actually tried to recruit candidates using an outdated system such as "High Income Frankenheimer Cross-Posting Solicitation" or "Synergistic FaceBook Blogging Matrix Manipulation." Be patient with these folks! They may be a little overenthusiastic, but we all lived on Ramen noodles at some point in our lives.

If you've read this far, I truly admire your tenacity. You will achieve Internet Fame and Fortune in short order. I look forward to having you move in to the really big mansion next door to me. The view from the veranda is stunningly terrific.

My staff and I closely monitor affiliate downleg recursions. I have actually assigned an intern to track the inverse enrollment ratios in what we Internet Millionaires call "real-time". I use this information to carefully calibrate my keyword calibration as I lounge in the jacuzzi sipping drinks with umbrellas.

Be aware of feedback considerations involving keyword clustering. We use a combination of eigenvectors, partial differential equations, and 9 digit zip-codes to detect and predict potentially costly data traps. Of course, all of this can be accomplished while sitting next to the in-ground pool.

Use the the Google keyword analysis tool at the top of every hour. This tool amplifies vectoring sinkholes, identifies potential high income transients, and it's free.

Some members of my staff dedicate their time studying high energy flares in pop culture SEO structures. We carefully correlate the Fourier Transforms of search patterns against multi-dimensional fractal methodology. Our analysis generates millions of potentially high quality hits per day, which results in a lot of Internet Riches.

I am telling you this because I want us all to be rich. Somewhere on the Internet is a Fortune Just Waiting to be downloaded by you. As for me, I have an intern download it while I practice cannonballs off the diving board.

Good luck with your Fantastic Internet Income. I know I will.