- Personal Finance
Joe Starts a New Internet Business
My New Internet Business
Now we can get down to business. As you know, I am An Internet Millionaire. I make money online while sitting by the pool with girls sipping colorful drinks. I drive massively expensive cars. I live in an official mansion. My utility shed is bigger than your house.
WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU?
I am talking to you because you won't leave me alone. Everybody wants to know how I Make Money on The Internet. The other day I drove my Ferrari to the Salvation Army to drop off some Hugo Boss suits I had only worn once. While I was standing in line waiting for my receipt, people were asking me to explain how I got So Rich in the Internet Money Making Business. Unfortunately I couldn't stay and talk to them because, well, some of them smelled like Axe. They reminded me of me before I thought up my first Getting Rich Online scheme.
DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH LIKE ME?
Of course you do. Everyone does.
OK, LISTEN UP!
I'm only going to explain this one time. I'm far too busy Making Money On The Internet to be repeating myself.
WHY AM I TELLING YOU MY SECRET?
I am giving away my Number One Making Money Online Secret because I love my fellow man. My wife and I want everyone to have what we have. We yearn to reach out to every person we come in contact with and teach them our Simple Plan for Internet Wealth and Security. You all matter to us. Our hearts rend whenever we see a poor person driving an American-made automobile. We cry internally for the unfortunate souls who settle for cube steak rather than Kobe Beef. If you can't afford Ruth's Criss, we feel your pain.
MY RICH FRIENDS THINK I'M NUTS
I have some rich friends. We hang out and do rich-people stuff, like standing next to our Rolls Royce or donating money to Greenpeace. Many of my rich friends told me that revealing my Internet Wealth secret would be a violation of the Rich Guy Code. They actually threatened to have me kicked out of the Extremely Wealthy Citizens Club. I am a little nervous about this.
Are You Ready for My Secret?
Please excuse my reservations about doing this. It might be better if you sent me a few dollars so I could be sure that we are on the same page. Everything that's worthwhile costs money, right? Have you ever had a free Kobe beef steak that wasn't moldy? Have you ever had a free ride in a Rolls Royce that wasn't all stinky from spilled champagne and Cuban cigars?
All this stuff costs money. You understand, I'm sure, because you want to have Great Internet Riches like I do.
Now you see where I'm coming from. Or, as we rich people say: "Now you see from whence I come."
Simply send me $49.99 and I'll let you in on my secret. You probably spend that much at Outback just on appetizers. Stay home this weekend and send me the money you've saved. Better yet, deposit the money in an offshore bank and send me the account number. Grenada works for me.