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Joe Starts a New Internet Business

Updated on May 22, 2010

My New Internet Business

Hello.

It's Joe again. If you don't know who I am, you might want to read this, this, and this.

Now we can get down to business. As you know, I am An Internet Millionaire. I make money online while sitting by the pool with girls sipping colorful drinks. I drive massively expensive cars. I live in an official mansion. My utility shed is bigger than your house.

WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU?

I am talking to you because you won't leave me alone. Everybody wants to know how I Make Money on The Internet. The other day I drove my Ferrari to the Salvation Army to drop off some Hugo Boss suits I had only worn once. While I was standing in line waiting for my receipt, people were asking me to explain how I got So Rich in the Internet Money Making Business. Unfortunately I couldn't stay and talk to them because, well, some of them smelled like Axe. They reminded me of me before I thought up my first Getting Rich Online scheme.

DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH LIKE ME?

Of course you do. Everyone does.

OK, LISTEN UP!

I'm only going to explain this one time. I'm far too busy Making Money On The Internet to be repeating myself.

WHY AM I TELLING YOU MY SECRET?

I am giving away my Number One Making Money Online Secret because I love my fellow man. My wife and I want everyone to have what we have. We yearn to reach out to every person we come in contact with and teach them our Simple Plan for Internet Wealth and Security.  You all matter to us. Our hearts rend whenever we see a poor person driving an American-made automobile. We cry internally for the unfortunate souls who settle for cube steak rather than Kobe Beef. If you can't afford Ruth's Criss, we feel your pain.

MY RICH FRIENDS THINK I'M NUTS

I have some rich friends. We hang out and do rich-people stuff, like standing next to our Rolls Royce or donating money to Greenpeace. Many of my rich friends told me that revealing my Internet Wealth secret would be a violation of the Rich Guy Code. They actually threatened to have me kicked out of the Extremely Wealthy Citizens Club. I am a little nervous about this.

Are You Ready for My Secret?

Please excuse my reservations about doing this. It might be better if you sent me a few dollars so I could be sure that we are on the same page. Everything that's worthwhile costs money, right? Have you ever had a free Kobe beef steak that wasn't moldy? Have you ever had a free ride in a Rolls Royce that wasn't all stinky from spilled champagne and Cuban cigars?

All this stuff costs money. You understand, I'm sure, because you want to have Great Internet Riches like I do.

Now you see where I'm coming from. Or, as we rich people say: "Now you see from whence I come."

Simply send me $49.99 and I'll let you in on my secret. You probably spend that much at Outback just on appetizers. Stay home this weekend and send me the money you've saved.  Better yet, deposit the money in an offshore bank and send me the account number. Grenada works for me.

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    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @Premium Magazines $0.42: even Joe isn't naive enough to let you post your commercial links for free. Millionaires have feelings too! Feel free to stop back sans-advertising.

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 8 years ago from Nibiru

      drbj: On the way -- as soon as I get my next 6 months of AdSense click money.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 8 years ago from south Florida

      dabeaner - send the $49.99 to me. Nicomp has appointed me his official treasurer and as soon as I receive your tiny pittance, I will have the information forwarded to you. Promise.

    • dabeaner profile image

      dabeaner 8 years ago from Nibiru

      Joe: All that coke you've been snorting since you got rich has taken its toll. You keep forgetting to tell me where to send the $49.99.

      Signed: "Eagerly Awaiting"

    • nicomp profile image
      Author

      nicomp really 8 years ago from Ohio, USA

      @psychicdog.net: You seem extremely well-versed in this topic. One wonders...

    • psychicdog.net profile image

      psychicdog.net 8 years ago

      As a judge for Air Internet Marketing (taken from Air Guitar) I think you have done a pretty good rendition. However, I feel you could have rubbed more salt into the sores of your readers, emphasizing the massive gap between how you and they live, their debt,their pathetic job compared to yours,etc,etc.

      Also, you need to make the CALL to ACTION 'time sensitive' using language like "get in before this offer goes FOREVER" or "I'm only letting the first 30 people in on my secret" or "this opportunity is available until midnight only. After that, I'm closing shop and you wont hear from me again." Otherwise, well done.

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