Stop buying my stuff

It's subtle, but you get it.
It's subtle, but you get it.

Please Spend Elsewhere

Accept our deepest appreciation for making us thousandaires, but enough is certainly enough. We are grateful for all your purchases of our survival gear, watches, and jute. It's time to turn off the spigot of cash: please spend elsewhere. Find another outlet for your free time.

We don't want to leave you bereft of activity. Here are a few things you can do. Instead of sending us cash on a regular basis, consider alternate activities to occupy your time.

Go for a walk

Put on your shoes and go for a walk. Your endorphins will distract you from the admirable yet annoying urge to buy more of my stuff. I appreciate your money, I really do. At this time I simply have sufficient amounts of it.

Wrap some comfortable Asic's Gel Nimbus shoes around your feet. Your toes will thank you and so will my bank account.

Knit Something

Keep your fingers occupied with something else beside clicking on my products. Your mouse needs a rest. Knitting offers the 5th best activity that can be done with yarn. When finished, send me a photo of your handiwork: I'll enjoy that much more than the profits I reap from selling you stuff.

As of now, no photos have arrived. I know you all are knitting and pearling: let me hear from you. A Facebook page with no knitting pictures is like a fish without a bicycle. We're depending on each and every one of you.

Watch TV

Television watching is often maligned by people who malign stuff for a living. We're not here to judge. Feel free to vegetate in front of your television as frequently as possible. Enjoy reruns of sitcoms that were bad then they were new. Click through the channels repeatedly while staring zombie-like at your digital entertainment device. We appreciate your consideration.

Make some bread

Fill your home/apartment/RV with the aromatic aroma of baking bread. Bake up some fresh fluffy rolls, smother them with local honey, and continue watching TV. All these activities should distract you from distracting us with your money.

Bread is the best thing you can make in your bread machine.

Start a Personal Finance Blog

With your unspent money safely tucked away in a mattress, start a blogging. Tell your tale to the world. You may be invited to appear on a reality TV series chronicling consumers who send me too much money. It could happen.

Blogging is the new diary. Instead of compiling your deepest dreams and desires into a locked notebook hidden under the bed, broadcast your moderately coherent ramblings across the Internet in the hope that a lonely loner in cyberspace will find respite in your heartfelt words. It could happen, but probably not.

Compost Stuff

Good grief, don't compost your cash, but many other seemingly worthless household items can be composted. Find a place in your finely manicured back yard amidst the daisies and fescue. Tuck in a custom-made composter. You neighbors will be happy to know that you plan to save the Earth rather than buy more of my stuff.

If you insist to purchase additional items, be sure to recycle packaging. Paper, Styrofoam, glass, and plastic deserve to be reduced, reused, and recycled. It's a big world and we all live together in it.

Toss in your organic foodstuffs along with a few worms: in no time at all you'll have dirt and more worms. Sell the worms and don't use the money to buy more of my stuff.

Play With Zombie Ducks

Zombie ducks?

Should you find your life bereft of zombie ducks, order up a few immediately. We will overlook your momentary loss of willpower. Your contribution to our bank account will be accepted contingent on the understanding that everyone needs zombie rubber ducks floating in the bath. We couldn't deal with the stress of knowing that anyone missed out on this craze because we were too selfish to accept more money.

Conclusion

We love you, but stop buying my stuff. I no longer need your money. My coffers runneth over. Spend your cash on something else.


If you need to make some quick cash: this guy might be able to help you. He has many qualifications uniquely suited for online riches acquisition.

Tell us what you promise not to buy

  • Shoes
  • Zombie Ducks
  • Bread
  • TV
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Seven of the top 10 richest counties in the United States

We did good. We did really good.
We did good. We did really good.

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Comments 9 comments

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 4 years ago from Moundsville, WV

Nicomp,

Very cleaver Dr. Evil. Tell us not to buy and supply subliminal ads for the alternate activities you suggest. You must be a multi-thousandaire by now with that business sense.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@ Tom, indeed, my evil plan has been exposed. Now I must escape back to my Evil Lair.


KwameG profile image

KwameG 4 years ago from MS

Great! I was just thinking about doing something similar! Keep up the good work us Thousandaires have to stick together!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@KwameG: Thanks for the encouragement. Now stop buying my stuff.


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

Tom is right, the subliminal ads are working. Can't get the zombie duck out of my head!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

You are on top of your writing game as usual. I'll continue to buy your stuff if I want to. So there!

The Frog


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Frog Prince: Thanks! You probably should not encourage me.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Very clever, nicomp. You warn us not to buy your stuff any more and then you advertise stuff like compost makers and zombie rubber ducks that no will-powerless buyer like me can live without. Shame on you!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: Fight the urge. Do not buy my stuff.

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