How do you tell your 4-year old child that you're getting divorced?

1. 81

   JEDIJESSICUHposted 9 years ago

   How do you tell your 4-year old child that you're getting divorced?
   
   Understanding divorce is hard for children of all ages. How do you go about explaining it and helping a 4-year old, who's still learning about the basic concept of relationships, understand it?

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2. 87

   Annsaloposted 9 years ago

   I've been there. The best thing I ever did was be 100% honest. My oldest was 4 when I divorced his and his brother's father. I explained it like I would any other relationship. I explained that having a friend meant you both liked each other and were nice to each other.
   Once you can no longer like the person or be nice then you can't be friends anymore.
   The biggest thing is to make sure the child understands it has nothing to do with them. On top of that making sure you don't down the other parent no matter how much they may be hated in the process or how bad they behave.
   My ex husband use to talk bad about me to my boys. No matter how much he said I always kept my mouth shut and reminded my boys that grown ups can be grouchy sometimes. That is as far as I would take it.
   My advice would be to be as honest as possible while reiterating the fact it is not their fault, they are loved by BOTH parents, and not to ever speak bad of the other parent even if you don't like them.

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   1. 71

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Good advice!

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3. 87

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   Explain to the precious one that mommy & daddy are unable to live together anymore.  Furthermore tell your child that although mommy & daddy won't be together anymore, they will still love & cherish you.  Also inform your child that mommy & daddy has grown apart & can no longer see eye to eye regarding their issues.  Tell your child that although mommy & daddy won't be together, they will be united regarding you & your interest & will always have your back.

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   1. 71

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Great advice!
      As you noted it's important to make sure the child knows (both) parents still love and cherish the child. Their divorce has nothing to do with him/her.

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4. 81

   MsDoraposted 9 years ago

   In addition to what the others haves said, it would be great if both parents put aside their differences momentarily, and speak together with the child.  It would demonstrate that both parents are still available for him or her.

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