Another 10 Strange Pet Secrets Your Pets Don't Want You To Know...

Strange Pet Secrets: Here are another 10 secrets that your pets don't want you know and will never admit to. As a pet lover you really should get to know the real secrets that exist between your pets and other Pets. So many of us want to know our pet's secrets, but most pets will never tell you about them, let alone admit they exist. It's all about people learning pet philosophy. To help you gain or improve your understanding of pet philosophy, our roaming reporter; Tom the Cat, has completed yet another assignment of interviewing a cross section of animals that think and behave the same as your pets.

As a pet owner, we believe that you have an obligation to understand your pet to the best of your ability and thus ensure that the special relationship that you share with your pets is mutually enjoyable.

Tom the Cat, in my view may well have lived 12 of his 9 lives, as he seems to have the knack of getting his interviewee's points across, often too well. I can't help thinking when I debrief him that last snippet of information that he gave me in his previous assignment; that animals had unanimously voted to create a 'human remote control' with which people would be technically obliged to act within preset channels and volumes. "Was he really serious?" I ask myself, as the thought of me having to do what I'm told has been distasteful for the bulk of my life. I remember the effect of being slapped by a fish so many years ago; though I don't remember the reason why my mother did that, to a 3 year old who talked so much!

Perhaps many people are dwarfed by the intelligence of animals and as such, shrink at the thought that it may well be that intelligence wise, there is valid reason for the human denial? This, at last, leads me to the Eleventh Secret about animals: They Believe! Yes they actually have that ability and I was surprised to find out that when it comes to friendship, love and companionship: you know those 'warm fuzzy things;' they believe that they have Soul Mates.

According to Tom, this fact of animals having soul mates, is far more prevalent than perhaps we are willing to accept. He provided a great deal of evidence to support the secret and explained the difficulties he experienced at securing an interview with the very 'unusual' pair of Mack the Dolphin and Moovit the Cow. How brave of you Tom, getting over your fear of water in the line of duty. However, due to the confidentiality agreement that he was asked to quickly sign by Moovit, he wasn't prepared to divulge much. Apparently, Moovit did not wish a previous partner to know her whereabouts. Even though she had made what she described as 'subtle' changes in her life with Mack, she felt vulnerable.

So, there you go: Animals do believe in soul mates and often consider kind and caring 'owners' to be exactly that. Why they look to people first for such a bonding title, may well be that some have actually forged such successful relationships, based on the willingness of the parties to make subtle lifestyle changes for the sake of each other.

*Pearldiver*

Did you know that there are over 1500 different species in the Rodent family? Can you imagine how great rodent family reunion gatherings are? In our ignorance, sadly we refer to these common rodent affairs as 'Infestation!' From the rodents' perspective; we have much to learn as rodents have got the measure of people completely, as a result of having a highly organised and evolved social structure.

Many rodents, including rats and mice are so intelligent that they have ensured their future survival is assured; by social initiatives like the formation of the Rodent Family Medical Society. It seems that we can learn something from this when it comes to implementing human health and welfare programs. Our reporter Tom, was told that the success of the rodent health-care plan was based on the fact that rodents took the factors of cost, management and social standing; out of the equation completely. In this way, the rodents were able to gain huge benefits for their population.

Other than the natural attractiveness of rats, they have over time, successfully 'turned' an ever increasing amount of people in their understanding of rat philosophy and values. One of the best known advocates of rat rights, is Harry the Rat, who also has the dual role of Union Delegate for the strongest union of rodents on the planet. Harry spoke with pride as he and Tom shared lunch from the contents of a dumpster that Harry's family had gathered for the occasion. He explained that the problem people had in regards to health and welfare issues was very easily overcome, if the politicians were removed from the equation.

Between bites of a double m leftover; he summed it up this way: "It's not about money! It's about caring and it's about loving oneself enough to love and help the needy in the same respect as one would want for oneself, if the tables were turned! Rats and Money do not mix in the broader picture. With people and health-care; if they were smart, they would simply get rid of the money issue and also eject the Rats that for so long have forgotten the simple pleasures of those real 'free lunches' that one can gain in a dumpster! Mice and Rats are allergic to politicians, for that very reason."

So, think twice next time you get your mouse trap out; you may well find that you come off second best, for having targeted the wrong species!

One of the least understood animals in the world are Camels. Tomcat suggests that the reason for this is that we often don't see them in our cities; even though they tend to slip in and out more often than most know. Oh sure, check wikipedia and it will tell you that camels are the ones with humps and that they are said to be 'the ships of the desert.' But if you are fortunate enough to ask a camel directly; you will come away with a far different understanding.

In certain parts of the world, people measure wealth based on the number of camels that they own. That's not so strange if you consider others measure their wealth by the number of pigs, or goats, or even wives that they own. We wanted to know what the animals thought about that style of tradition and whether or not it was one of mutual consent. What we found out, horrified us and in fact, I have made the decision not to publish that information in this report. However, we can advise you that the majority of camels are less kinky than their owners and it appears that the reason camels frequent underground Bondage and Discipline parlours; is not entirely their fault!

Factually Camels have been trained to be a beast of burden and in that respect have been 'trained' to put up with 'their lot' in a docile and conforming manner. As a result, many camels are deprived of their right to just be them self along with their urge to partake in their natural social relationships; which camels refer to as Humping. As a result, some have been driven to escape the 'clutches' of their owners and freely get together in B and D parlours throughout the world. Tom reports that the pay is good and that they make perfect hosts or hostesses in such establishments.

Those camels interviewed all stated that they felt vindicated in their ability to whip those who often turned up in the belief that humping should be an event mutually acceptable to the camel and the 'client.' Asshock the Camel summed up the situation to Tom by stating that in his view; people should never assume they will always have the power to abuse animals irrespective of 'training' them to accept abuse. His parting comment as he prepared to meet his next 'client' was: "In my own way; by giving them a good old rodgering; I get to change the way they walk the walk completely, especially enjoyable I might add, given that they pay for the lesson!"

So, yep in their own way animals are fighting back and it would appear; in the most unusual ways. For all the Camels in the world, Asshock is righting the wrongs in the camel kingdom and re-establishing a balance by attacking the mounting issues of humping and abusive camel owners.

And on the subject of balance; closer to home Tom had stopped by to have a coffee with a very talented dog called Dudley, who had heard about Tom's interviewing exploits. Dudley was described by Tom as being a bit of a showoff, completely changing the dynamics of what should have been an easy interview and coffee! I think Dudley was actually just looking for the publicity; boasting that he had full occupancy of the house, while his owners lived out the back in the kennel house.  Talented indeed, I wondered how the owners had consented to such an unusual living arrangement. Tom told me that Dudley really didn't tell him much about secrets at all; but mentioned that throughout the interview, Dudley played with a little black box with buttons on it.  No, surely not.

No, let's run with Dudley's stated secret however, we will list his secret contribution here between the Camels and where the Wild Things are.  Dudley has pointed out that people don't understand that busy pets often struggle to gain a balance in their busy life. Thank you Dudley (yawn). Of course, this is a very significant point that Dudley is making and I'm sure; if you have a busy pet that calls the shots in your life; you must take this great advice on board. Please excuse me at the moment; if you feel that I seem to have lost the plot; but I'm still getting over the B and D Camels!  A little black box?  No, surely not.

As I have previously mentioned, most of your pets still retain the traits of the wild; those times prior to the influence of people. Much of your pet's behaviour stems from it's genetic survival skills; which should help you to understand your pet, if you take the time to study the natural wild environment and inter-actions of your pets predecessors. By doing this, you will begin to see how your pet's social structures have been developed and are relevant to the relationship that you both share.

So take a visual trip to where the wild things are and note the similarities from that perspective, if you are serious about knowing your pet. Many of the things that you consider bad behavior are actually forged in the wild as good behavior. Remember, when this was developed there was no influence from pet owners; in short, don't try to be the expert in something you really don't know anything about; let the animals teach you in this.

The best example of good social behavior in the wild that people would consider bad or distasteful behavior, is that natural bonding game played by the vast majority of wild things, called, Zebra-backing. Have you ever considered where the human game piggy-backing came from? Ah good, now you are starting to see things in the right perspective. It is important that you understand that zebra-backing is not a mating ritual; merely a platonic friendship game.

So, the next time you feel like throwing a bucket of water over the Double Decker dogs on your front lawn; stop, think and learn! Of course if you are wrong and they are......... use the hose!

Secret #16 relates to the avian population. The bird's perspective is, that people are worth avoiding at all cost; unless they are prepared to allow the bird to check out whether the appendages within the human throat are worms or tonsils. Many years ago the birds of the world were told by the green kakawader, a threatened species for very obvious reasons; that the tastiest morsel that a bird could ever enjoy, lived in the throats of people.

Tom explained that this practical joke that the kakawader played on his avian peers, was universally accepted as truth by them. As a result, birds of all sorts have a secret desire to befriend people for the express purpose of savouring this elusive delicacy. Budgies are by far the bravest and most obsessive in regards to this and have even been known to take on the role of dental surgeons or hygienists, to secure the worm.

Budgies, Owls and Tucans tend to be the most gullible birds in regards to this much supported fallacy; however Tucans struggle because of the size of their beaks, to see their quarry and have been known to choke any person unfortunate enough to allow an oral inspection.  Have you ever noticed the birdlike appearance of your dentist? Have you ever woken up to find that your throat is sore or inflamed? Have you ever found feathers or bird droppings on your pillow?  Chances are the Green Kakawader is responsible.

Secret #17 is: That after a busy day of scratching, clucking and egg laying, there is nothing Chickens enjoy more than the very social and secretive art of gossiping naked with their mates. It is a time when all the pressures of the day just melt away, Tom was told to his horror. It's fair to say that I think the water thing still concerns Tom; I'm sure he struggles to understand why on earth some animals speak so highly about the benefits of soaking in it. It seems that most birds enjoy water; probably because having a bath or shower, helps birds to get rid of parasitic mites that live in their feathers.

What I found out about chickens though, seems to undermine that information; as chickens clearly prefer to undress before they jump into the tub. So, the Original Bathing Techniques for Chickens; involves the very private use of Hot Tubs. It is, as they say, a social time and as such, very important things are discussed. As far as owners are concerned, chickens don't care for them much at all. The chickens here openly talked about their cousins who lived further down the road in a battery chicken farm. These guys never saw the outside world and in essence were there living four to the cage, solely for the purpose of laying eggs.

Apparently, once they were found to be unable to lay the required number of eggs each week, they were taken away and executed. "That's not a life!" said Tom during debriefing; he was clearly disturbed by what the free range group in the hot tub had told him. "Well then what we are doing is a really good thing then isn't it?" he added, "If people knew that; then maybe they wouldn't buy eggs from those sort of chicken farms!" Yes Tom, it is important to help people understand how pets and animals feel. "What do you want for tea Tom?" I asked. "Chicken!" replied the scruffy Tom Cat.

Disclaimer: For the purpose of this article and of course anonymity of the nude bathers; all heads and face profiles have been removed from the picture.

Well I don't know about you, but I think Tom the Cat has done Stirling service in pursuit of knowledge and insight of the animal world. What does impress me is that he has suppressed the urge to eat some of his subjects. He is fast gaining a reputation from other animals as a good bloke for the accuracy of his secret reporting and it seems he has a full book of appointments with so many more animals prepared to help educate people.

I have to ask myself though whether he is having me on with some of his subjects. I am concerned that animals may well have developed a human remote control; if so, then we must all consider how we have treated our pets thus far. Perhaps if we continue to learn more about our animal friends; we can avoid having our own lives permanently programmed to be stuck on the same channel as those green kakawader birds. What do you think?

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