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LETTERS TO YOU: “How can I improve my Emotional Intelligence?”

Updated on May 4, 2011

Dear You,

Emotional Intelligence is all about the ability to control emotions under different circumstances, be it at work or at home. Emotionally intelligent people are very much in touch with their own emotions (i.e. understand their own emotions, know what these emotions are telling them, how these emotions affect other people around) and such people are able to sense the emotions of others. There are lots of theories, frameworks and research available for you to read on the subject. I will only offer you a few tips on how to start developing and improving your EI. Following through with these tips will be the best thing you will ever do for your self-development and personal growth.

-          Start from writing down every single emotion you feel during the day – something like a diary of emotions. It’s important to write down why you think you felt that way; what you think was the cause of each emotion you felt during the day. It’s important to keep updating a diary on a daily basis, for quite some time. When you analyse your entries after a week or a month and you begin seeing a pattern of particular emotions, then you can deal with the causes of these emotions. This stage is all about becoming self-aware.

-          Watch the way you express your feelings. If you keep saying “This person always makes me feel furious” will not help you deal with the problem. In fact it will only make matters worse, because whenever you will see this person, you will always feel furious, even though there will be no problem to resolve between you two. Instead, you can say “This situation involving this person made me furious, everything is resolved now”.

-          Once you’ll become aware of your emotions and what they cost you on a daily basis, you will control your emotions, not the other way around. This stage is all about self-regulation. Start thinking before you act. After all, no one is rushing you to make impulsive decisions you might regret later. Don’t let your negative emotions become too strong. Recognise them at an early stage, stop and think how you can control them.

-          Be empathetic! It’s important to recognise and understand other people’s emotions. Learn not to judge too quickly, hear people out and relate to them. And most importantly, be genuine! Live your life honestly and openly, accept and enjoy challenges and stay motivated no matter what.

-          Improve your social skills. People with great social skills put other people’s needs before their own. They are usually team players, with good listening skills. They are guiding others to success. They are able to build and maintain fantastic relationships. Observe and learn from these people! Ask them for tips.

-          Anger is a natural feeling, but it is destructive! It makes you do and say things you will regret. When you are angry, it’s better to say nothing at all; use all the possible reasons to stop anger and avoid emotional vampires which will feed on this destructive emotion.

-          Use different techniques to release anger. The most effective would be – art and music therapy, yoga classes, aromatherapy, meditation. You can take a walk in a park and look at something that will take your focus away from anger. Do something around the house – clean windows or re-arrange books. These are energetic tasks, which will help you convert anger to positive emotion. 

Be healthy, happy and wealthy.....and Remember: "Never speak out of anger, never act out of fear, never choose from impatience, but wait... and peace will appear.”

Always by your side,

Tati Irodova


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    • Ashantina profile image

      Ashantina 6 years ago

      Tati what a powerful hub!! This is something Im working on within my Self... So many effective tips here... diary of emotions, great idea!

      Thank you so much for this :) Bookmarked/UP!