I Need Validation
Maybe I'm pathetic. Maybe I'm just lame. Maybe I have low self-esteem. Maybe I just want to feel I matter. Maybe I'm just competitive. Maybe I'm lonely. Who knows? I rarely feel the need for validation, but HubPages has changed that. I find myself constantly checking my hubs for comments. I even check my comments on other people's hubs for responses. I also constantly check my Hub Score - I think 96 is the highest I ever got. This drives me crazy. Why can't I make 100, like some of the other people? Am I just that much lamer? What am I doing wrong? Should I give up? Does a number really matter?
My entire life has been about setting goals and achieving them, yet I seem to be failing with HubPages and writing, in general. Perhaps what I have to say is really not that interesting. Perhaps my style sucks. Perhaps I have a lot to learn still. Perhaps I need to sell out. I don't know.
I started HubPages as a learning experience, yet it has turned into another "job" for me. I feel obligated to HubPages. I initially thought HubPages could help expedite my retirement, yet I've only made $1.01 so far (in five weeks!). Hmm. Is this yet another failed endeavor on my part....another Amway or MonaVie?
Why do I constantly follow trends, like HubPages? I should be the freakin' HubPage creator. When did I let external forces diminish my capabilities?
Do I need validation? I really don't and never have, until HubPages. I wonder if people are my fans because they just want me to be their fans? I wonder if they really like me? I wonder if I'm a poser with fake fans and fake comments? As corianderstem said, maybe I should just runaway:
My existence has been minimized to on-line validation of my musings by people I don't really know. Have I become a lame soul?
k@ri's hub on "Life is a Choice" helps put things in perspective:
I love the video she included in her hub: