I'd like feedback on my Hub: Redefining Our Happiness

1. 51

   Zakiah Ramadaniposted 9 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Redefining Our Happiness (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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2. 41

   ChristinSposted 9 years ago

   The grammar needs work.  If English is your second language; it may benefit you to use Grammarly, or to have someone who is also fluent to help you check for errors. A great technique is to read your piece aloud to "hear" it.  You can pick up many errors that way.  Subject/verb agreement and usage are a bit problematic in some places.
   
   Your image at the top is very small, it should be full size ideally and needs to be cited to be used properly.
   
   To help you out, I will redo a part one paragraph for you:
   
   Here is what you wrote: Let's think out of the box. why there are doctors in this world? because they were born to be doctor. being good or bad doctor, it's their choise. There are so many people were born to be teacher, to be enginer, etc. Even if u "just" a mother, it's the reason you were born. yes you born to be a mother. being good or not is your choise. You born to be your parent's children, and you can be great children. You born to be driver, just be agood driver. You have a very big opportunity to be good on your role. You are your quality, not your proffession.
   
   Let's think outside the box.  Why are there doctors in this world? It's because they were born to be doctors; being a good or bad doctor is their choice.  There are many people who were born to be teachers, engineers etc. Even if you are (or you're) just a mother; it's the reason you were born.  Being a good mother or not is your choice.   
   
   Also, this paragraph is repetitive, and it makes the same point over and over again.  This kind of redundant writing is not engaging.  You need to get to the point, make it and move on. 
   
   Your layout and use of subtitles is a step in the right direction.  Broken up content is easier on the eyes.  Unfortunately, many of your ideas are not original and are all over the internet.  I would blend in your philosophy with some personal experience - how you came to understand this wisdom.  I'd also use some other elements; perhaps a video or a poll to make your content more engaging.

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