I'd like feedback on my Hub: So Now, Is It Time To Die?

1. 81

   ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub So Now, Is It Time To Die?. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 79

      JerryFisherposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I find it astonishing that this hasn't been accepted. I think I'd write to admin and ask for another assessment. I know they don't like spammy content or too many Amazon links - but that sure doesn't apply to yours. Tragic story by the way.
      All the best.

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      1. 81

         ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for your comments. I did not think it was spammy I hope it gets published.

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   2. 68

      Elsie Hagleyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Strange your hub wasn't featured, I can't see anything really wrong with it.
      Try putting your first photo at the top of the hub (as it will look better on iPhone etc).
      Also, the video may not be ideal for this hub.
      It isn't easy to get hubs featured these days.
      All the best.

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      1. 81

         ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Tanks Elsie for your thoughts.

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   3. 82

      Doc Snowposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I think a weakness is sentence structure.  Many of the sentences are run-ons.
      
      Paragraph structures could be stronger and clearer, too.  Ask yourself:  do these sentences all belong together?  Do they form some sort of logical unit?  Do they build to a point?
      
      The story is tragic, and you've mostly treated it with the respect the situation deserves.  But along that line, I'd lose the 'facts about cancer' box at the bottom, and the poll capsules.  This isn't a 'how-to' story, I don't think.
      
      Best of luck with your Hub.  I hope you don't mind my frankness.
      
      And I'll think of Sara.

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      1. 81

         ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your thoughts. I will try these suggestions and hope this helps.

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   4. 87

      Marisa Wrightposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I think the whole problem with this Hub is that it IS a tribute.
      
      HubPages is a place to write informative, magazine-style articles which are of interest to the general public.  As such, personal stories are not accepted (although they used to be).  Nowadays, for a personal story to be accepted, it has to have some relevance.   
      
      For instance, if someone with cancer told her story of her battle with the disease and simply focussed on her own response to treatment, that probably would not be featured.  Whereas if she shared her experience and offered advice to others on how to avoid the problems she faced, it would be featured.
      
      In this instance, I'm guessing you want this lady's story to be an inspiration to others, and if that's the case you need to make that clearer.

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      1. 81

         ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for taking the time to comment. The  point was to try and give this  lady some peace.  I did not like to see her with so much fear and wanted to comfort her, and in the end I believe she found some peace. Thanks so much.

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         1. 87

            Marisa Wrightposted 9 years agoin reply to this

            When you write on HubPages, it's like you are writing in a magazine.   HubPages wants articles which will be of interest to everyone who reads the magazine, not just one person.

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2. 87

   G.L.A.posted 9 years ago

   I agree with Doc Snow for the most part. Your hub is is a beautiful tribute, but just needs some editing. Check for typos and composition techniques.. don't give up on it.

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   1. 81

      ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I will try editing one more time. Thanks

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3. 89

   Charito1962posted 9 years ago

   Hi, Ms. Stella. I noticed that you have 3 links.
   
   You see, recently, I also had a few hubs (from Squidoo) that were unfeatured, but after fixing them up– they’re now ALL re-featured!
   
   What I did was minimize my Amazon products to only 1 or 2, and remove all my links. (I believe these were the spammy elements.)
   
   Try removing all your links! That may help it to be re-featured.

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4. 0

   Bob Bambergposted 9 years ago

   Hi Stella,
   
   Your tribute to a friend is a touching treatment of a sad situation.  But casting emotion aside and looking through what I perceive as as the cool, objective lens of the HP gods, I offer these constructive criticisms:  On the whole, it struggles at times to flow smoothly.  You might try avoiding instances of minute detail.  Additionally, there are errors in grammar, punctuation, style and accuracy. 
   
   Examples would be:  you describe her as a woman "that" rather than a woman "who,"  you said Sara never talked religion nor believes "none" of that stuff,  instead of "any" of that stuff, one sentence says, "she went back to the hospital for her blood pressure it was too low."  You need a comma or semi-colon between the words "pressure" and "it," you refer to Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma as Non "Hodgkin," and there were instances where spaces should have been, but weren't.  I think it would be easier to read if you broke up some of the paragraphs to allow for more white space.
   
   I think HP looks critically at small details and punishes things a lot of people wouldn't catch or that they don't think are important.   I don't like being critical, since I'm not an English major and have no credentials, but because you reached out, I thought it might be helpful to point out some things I think might be troubling to HP.  Regards, Bob.

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   1. 81

      ladyguitarpickerposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Bob, Thank you so much for taking time to comment on my hub. I have thick skin and like the truth. I get a thought and have to put it down on paper. I have no English credentials and glad I majored in Music. I am so happy for your reply. Stella

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