I was treking down the street with my five year old kid brother,so i stopped by an ice cream spot to get him a cup of ice cream because he loves it,turning back to hand him over the cup of ice cream i bought but i couldn't see him,i was scared he has gone missing so i tried to alert the ice cream girl before i saw him running towards me and screaming, "guess what? guess what..?" i was so amazed i replied "what?", he screamed "i saw some bin collectors packing up some dirty smelling bins there?" he was pointing his fingers down the next street,he then screamed so loud, "the bins smell badly like mummy's pants!" i felt so embarrased,i didn't know when the cup of ice scream fell off my hand.
A guy walked into a fast food restaurant to take lunch,after buying his lunch,he carried his tray to a table where he saw two pretty girls sitting,"may i join you guys?" he inquired enthusiastically, one of the girls replied, "...but we don't f..k cos, i know its your mission,six months,two years,whatever!" so embarrassed, the guy replied, "but that's not my mission", the other girl replied sharply "...and we don't kiss!"
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
When you die and go to heaven, one of the first things you do is a kind of orientation. Saint Peter usually gives each new group a tour of heaven so they will know how to find their way around.
Well, this one afternoon, Jesus comes along and says to St. Peter, "Hey, Pete, why don't you take the rest of the afternoon off and I'll take this next group around. (I'm sure that St. Peter was grateful to have the extra time off.) So, Jesus leads the group around, pointing out the sights, and showing them how to find their way around heaven. At the end of the tour, He turns to the crowd of new arrivals and says, "Now, does anyone have any questions or is there any thing else that I can do for you?"
As Jesus scans the crowd, He sees a hand go up way in the back. "Yes," He says, "do you have a question?" A little old man steps forward and says "Si, sucuzzi me, but maybe you cana helpa me finda my son." "Of course," Jesus says, "If he's here we'll find him. What does he look like?"
"Well, mi son izza easy to recognize cuss hes gotta holes ina his hands and holes ina his feet!"
A bit startled, Jesus looks at the old man and says, "Father?"
And the little old man squints back at him and says, "Pinochio?"
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