I'd like feedback on my Hub: The Immense Power of Words

1. 78

   Rodric29posted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub The Immense Power of Words. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 83

      theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Your intro is confusing. You need to tell your reader what your article is about - why words have immense power and what aspects of that concept you are going to explore.
      
      You cover different ideas in the same paragraph - this is also confusing. For example:
      
      "Scholars have found evidence that the first known written language of Sumerian began about five thousand years ago, around 3500 BC. From the creation theories of many cultures, a word has the power to transform and create. Theological records of the Judeo-Christian and Islamic tradition suggest that God created mankind and introduced language and writing; therefore, suggesting that language, the spoken word has existed as long as God has existed—or at least until the phrase “let there be light.”"
      
      If you are writing about Sumerians, then stick to that idea in one paragraph. You go on to 'creation theories' then to theological records, to the idea that language is synonymous with the existence of God.
      
      The story about the muskets is not relevant to the topic. You've tried to shoehorn an interesting fact into your article but it doesn't illustrate why words are powerful, merely that someone solved a problem. Try to keep to the point.
      
      I think you are presenting your topic in an unnecessarily complex way. You could break down the concept of words being powerful into simple sub-headings. Then write tightly to those sub-headings instead of jumping around all over the place. So: Pre-history, Religion, Words and Actions, The Written Word, The Effect of Words, Stirring Speeches. that sort of thing. I'm sure you can come up with better ones.
      
      You write well, you just need to write more fluently, with one idea logically leading to the next.

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      1. 78

         Rodric29posted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks so much. You gave me more than what I was expecting. I needed that. I think that I will follow your suggestions. Also, the moderator says that I should fix the comments section. I was not told any of the great information you just provided, but that I should fix the comments section. I have no idea what that means.

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