Would love some feed back on my flash-fiction story. Thx.
http://hubpages.com/literature/Flash-Fi … tting-Good
I think the advice these days is that 'I woke up and it was all a dream' is a cliché to be avoided at all costs. It negates any tension or drama that went before. It makes readers feel cheated and leaves them disappointed.
Flash fiction is such a fun form of writing - you can do anything with it and leave all those clichés behind.
I agree, the end is an awful anti-climax! It would be better ending with a twist to the tail (maybe it turns out Joanna is an alien too and the ship has come to take her home?).
Some detailed feedback: If you've done any writing courses, you'll know that words ending in "-ly" should be used with caution. There's nothing wrong with them, just that they're often the lazy way of conveying something - so every time you're tempted to use one, stop and ask yourself whether there's a better option, possibly with a more descriptive verb. When you're writing flash fiction, every word needs to count! So for instance, "suddenly" is a bit weak to start a sentence.
The reason I think you've done a writing course is that you seem to be going to great lengths to avoid using "she". You don't have to: that's another of those things that gets exaggerated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting a sentence with "she"". We know now that pronouns are virtually invisible to readers, they just skim over them so they're not an irritation.
The trouble with avoiding "she" is that it leads to clunky sentences with clauses tacked on in front when they'd read better after, or passive voice which slows the narrative down and makes it bland. Start using it and you'll be able to use more action verbs which will liven things up.
In fact once the reader knows the character's name, it's best to avoid using her name and use "she" instead, unless you need to distinguish her from another character. That helps the reader identify with the character - when you keep repeating the character's name, you're reminding the reader that this is a separate person and not them at all.
The only thing you need to avoid is starting every sentence that way. Have one sentence starting with she, then two or three that don't, then you can safely use it again.
Thank you so much for the advice-I think I do worry about the `she` thing and this is definitely an area I have felt I needed to improve. Great advice from both you and the raggededge.
Yes, I remember going through a phase like that a few years ago. I joined a writing site and had all these "rules" thrown at me by other writers. It took me ages to work out that people exaggerate - they had me feeling as though I'd be lynched if I started a sentence with "she", and possibly run out of town if I dared use a word ending in ly! Whereas the truth is, both are fine to use, just not to over-use. Relax and enjoy!
by JT Walters6 years ago
I paint and I have noticed that my paintings have been criticized by people who have never held a paint brush. I guess I need thicker skin but one day I sat a young protégé down and I said, "Do...
by dingdong5 years ago
Dingdong is my handle.(next entry should begin with the word - handle)
by lxd357 years ago
How do you know what to title your novel or piece of work? I've been writing a book for years...and I think perhaps I'm too close to the work to name it... drawing a blank! Help!!
by ddsurfsca7 years ago
Sentences, first one beginning with the letter A and ending with B, then the next hubber begins his with the ending, which is B and ends his with C and so on through the alphabet...I will begin..Another guy who eats his...
by Verlie Burroughs3 years ago
If you participated would you like to post your Flash Fiction here? For more info check out the link to Christy's blog on it...Creative Writing StudyMODERATOR'S NOTE: The Positive Psychology Center has requested that...
by Victoria Stephens7 years ago
Is it so wrong to always want to be the homemaker?I loved my life as a homemaker and a full time mum? due to finances, I've started back at work but miss it all so much.
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners.
Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners.
HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc.
HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.