I'd like feedback on my Hub: Don't Breathe, a Movie Review

1. 60

   valabriaposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Don't Breathe, a Movie Review (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!"

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   1. 69

      gerimcclymposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Valabria,
      
      I really like your writing style, and your opening sentences are strong -they draw me right into your article, making me want to read more! Those are marks of a good writer.
      
      Some suggestions:
      
      Use subtitles as I noticed you did with two other articles you wrote, both of which were published. For example, for the paragraph after your opening sentences, the subtitle could be "Plot". For the next few paragraphs, the subtitle could be "The Blind Guy". Those are just examples. It helps the reader when there are subtitles because he can jump to the section of your article he wants to when he wants and it helps him quickly locate information he may be looking for.
      
      Check the sentence (in the beginning of your article): A group of three young adults who plan to rob the house of an old blind man. It looks like you need to remove the word "who". Many HP users use grammar checkers such as grammarly.com to check their writing, which may pick up on this type or error.
      
      Hope this helps.

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      1. 60

         valabriaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Gerimcclym,
         
         Thanks for checking out my articles.
         
         I hadn't noticed that I edited that sentence down to a fragment.
         
         I didn't consider those first two hubs to have subtitles. But because they're lists I know they're definitely easier on the eyes. I will give the subtitles a try.
         
         It's my first time in the forums, so I feel the need to share some things.
         
         As you saw my first articles are lists and spoiler reviews. That's what came natural for the ID2 review. For the Lights Out hub, I tried plain prose. It kept getting rejected. I then did a gripe list, and it gets accepted. While I can write a gripe list for a movie I really like, I want to try prose again here. And I want to go the spoiler free route. That's my short term goal for now.
         
         Thanks again!

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2. 76

   Max Daltonposted 8 years ago

   Very cool. Great start. I'll admit I skimmed it because I'm actually going to watch this later this week, but I liked what I read. The structure looks good. I'd suggest maybe you get some extra mileage out of one movie and write two reviewers, one with spoilers and one without. Just a thought. I'm not sure if that would be worth the time. Another option would be creating some short video reviews, posting those on YouTube, and then linking to those inside of your hub. If you go that route you'd want to do something other than just reading your hub. Another risk there may be that the movie review space on YouTube is already pretty crowded and it would be hard to make yourself stand out. But it's an option :-)
   
   Best of luck!
   
   Max

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   1. 60

      valabriaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Max,
      
      I've sort of thought of that actually. :-) I had a spoiler review for Don't Breathe  in mind. I don't know if I'll finish it.
      
      Thanks for the ideas. I like that you're thinking big. One thing at a time though.
      
      Let me know how you like the movie.

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3. 79

   Rupert Taylorposted 8 years ago

   Movie reviews are a problem here. Firstly, they go stale very quickly and HubPages wants articles that have an evergreen quality so they will attracts hits months or even years down the road.
   
   Another issue is that you are up against the behemoths - IMDB, Rotten Tomatoes, or others. How are you going to attract readers away from these sites?
   
   There are some grammar problems. Also, do you have permission to use the images you have posted?

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