I'd like feedback on my Hub: Why People Lie? Truth About Lies

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   pen promulgatesposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub Why People Lie? Truth About Lies (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      pen promulgatesposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hey Ahmed, thanks for your suggestion and WELCOME to Hubpages! I see you are very new here. Could you highlight some errors? My eyes cannot see any even after reading it multiple times. Another two of my Hubs got featured recently. Please have a look a them too!

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      DuckHatchposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      To be 100% honest your English could use a little work. Other than that it seemed like a good article, well researched. the conclusions and reasoning made sense.  It's a great topic too.

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         pen promulgatesposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks DuckHatch. I'm glad to hear your input about the qualitative content. I followed discussions, Q&A, and suggestions of Hubbers like you, and then wrote the article after doing adequate research. Even the Hubpage QAP moderator called it 'A thorough article.' If it's not too much to ask, can you highlight some errors? I am embarrassed to admit my eyes fail to notice them

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            DuckHatchposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            I wouldn't know where to begin my grammar isn't that well either

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               pen promulgatesposted 7 years agoin reply to this

               Ha ha! You are funny.
               I guess I can see the errors now. I was sure about the content, but I became naive about the presentation. I misused the writing rules for the article to look pleasing to only me.. Ha ha ha.. I'm not disappointed now, I've learned the major mistakes. Thanks for your observations.

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      rosevillaruzposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hello Pen. I read your article. It got substance and quite interesting. However, as I kept on reading, it became incoherent. When you started writing the article, the content got jambled in terms of consistency. It's like a rough ride with no road sign when to turn left or right. Some readers like me would find the "flow of your story" and "choice of words" confusing. Your story must evolve progressively from start to finish.

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   M Ahmed Khanposted 7 years ago

   Hi,
   
   There are a few grammatical errors but despite that its really good. I'd prefer you proofread before you publish.
   
   Best of luck!

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   pen promulgatesposted 7 years ago

   I am sorry for wrecking the article that way. I must say you have proofread well! Even the moderator from QAP said 'Thorough article, please improve the readability.'I didn't mention that previously as I wanted feedback from Hubbers. HE HE HE
   As you could spot inconsistency, could you also guide with some suggestions and tips to fix it?

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   theraggededgeposted 7 years ago

   Hi there,
   
   The formatting at the beginning is a little scrappy. You want two or three paragraphs, not lots of itty-bitty ones. Also, "A upright question.." That's not phrasing an English speaker would use. "A straight question..." would be better.
   
   "In Life, We..." 'Life' shouldn't be capitalised, neither should 'we'. There are many instances of unnecessary capitalisation right through the hub. Research the rules about capitalisation. Generally speaking, only words at the beginning of a sentence and proper nouns (names) need be capitalised. 'Frontal lobe' doesn't require it. Neither does 'Brain as an Organ'. The table: too much capitalisation!
   
   "In short, Human Beings are Manufacturers of Fiction who design lies for reasons of Make-Believe."  Six instances of unnecessary capitalisation there.
   
   'Construed' should be 'constructed'.
   
   Only press 'Enter' at the end of a sentence if you wish to start a new paragraph. Then press twice. There is no such thing as a semi-paragraph - you have done this right through. Make use of bullet points if you want to keep those short sentences separate, but beware of making it into a big mess.
   
   Then, under the sub-heading, "Why Do We Live With Lies?" you have a massive, blocky paragraph that should be broken up.
   
   Try reading the text out loud, you will pick up lots of errors in that way. Get someone to proofread it for you, if possible.
   
   "Men and women lie in their capacities for numerous reasons too imaginable to enlist." You need to cut out all the extra words that add little value. That sentence might be cut down to: "People lie for too many reasons to list." 'Capacities', 'imaginable' and 'enlist' are all wrongly used in this context. You might think that your writing is better because you use such vocabulary, but you'd be mistaken. In a factual article, the shorter the word, the crisper the sentence, the better it reads. Go through your article and see if you can substitute shorter words, or cut some words out completely. As George Orwell said, "Don't use a long word, when a short one will do."
   
   Have you made sure the Flickr image is legal-to-use? It must have a Creative Commons licence, and you should cite it in the image capsule. You can't attribute to Flickr as Flickr doesn't own the license.
   
   As far as the content is concerned, it does ramble and becomes incoherent towards the end. The part about 'Hips don't lie'... and what follows is difficult to follow and adds nothing to the article. Remove the underline in that section. That underlined sentence doesn't make sense. It is grammatically incorrect and, again, adds nothing to the article's premise. I don't think holding Rihanna up as an example of truth works very well.
   
   Hope that helps.

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      pen promulgatesposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      @ theraggededge
      Wow! Your critique is very helpful. I can see the reality of all those errors you highlighted. Honestly, I'd been waiting for your feedback as I see you help many Hubbers. I was very close to contacting you personally, but I went against it I am glad you finally gave your suggestions. There is something else I've got to tell you, something that worked in my favor when I followed suggestions from feedback you gave to other people. I'll tell you soon as there is something still pending. Thanks a lot though. I follow you, I learnt much following you, and I'm sure your guidance will continue into future

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